Agreed! OP, you're not describing the heart flutter of a crush, you're describing a panic attack. You're fixating on her so much, your subconscious sees the situation as a threat and is putting your body through a simulated near death experience. Problem is without an actual threat to work through, it's just unpleasant.

Strongly recommend you look into resources for dealing with social anxiety. You're currently only reacting to her presence, but if you keep on, you'll react to the possibility she might be present, then to the memory of previous reactions and eventually you'll just have this reaction every time anyone sits next to you anywhere and it will ruin your life.

Source: diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and suffered through escalation for decades before I knew what was going on. On the bright side, it's fixable. You just have to put in some effort.

There's a bunch of really good reasons mentioned here, but there's also the possiblity that you grew up reading only books with male protagonists - or the ones with female protagonists featured some form of abuse that you weren't comfortable with - and now you're retreating to the safety of what you're used to. It happens.

Yeah, the thing you don't remember is how she stood up after you and talked at great length about how her exes were so much hotter than you you and how she's selling for your POS ass because while the sex isn't exciting, she still gets her rocks off and that'll do, she supposes.

Remember yet?

No?

Feel a bit shit about it anyway?

Now imagine how she feels. And yet you're here, thinking you might somehow recover the situation? Wtf?

And for the sake of clarity, she didn't enact such a performance, so don't claim me saying this somehow justifies anything.