I'm not, like, a massive fan of The Secret or the alleged 'magical powers' of what is termed the law of attraction (for the same reasons that I think any belief system can be harmful when you take it too far and shut out necessary parts of reality). However, I think that there is a lot of practical wisdom behind the principle of taking control of your thoughts - which is what I believe this quote is getting at (regardless of who said it). Although bad experiences are inevitable and negative thoughts can be both useful and necessary, I think that there is a tremendous value in training our brains to focus on the outcomes and ideas that we want more of in our lives. Unfortunately, there are quite a few folks who thoughtlessly peddle various brands of bullshit toxic positivity that bastardize this term. They tend to preach that positive thinking (positive honking if you are my phone's autocorrect) as though it is a type of supernatural force that is 100% effective at bringing about the seemingly impossible (and if you don't achieve success it is because you failed in your methodology - convenient) or alternately, it is used as a type of hollow mantra that will eventually be believed if you just say it long enough or see it frequently enough without doing the work - conveniently a great way to sell merch also.

Instead I think the value lies in harnessing the brain's tremendous power as a muscle by strengthening your resolve to achieve xyz by specifically targeting targeting neural pathways that take you there. It's a fucking hike at first and can feel pretty unnatural and like a pointlessly difficult exercise in futility where you are trying to trick yourself (it did for me anyway as I am naturally cynical and my internal monologue trends toward being an unfairly negative self-critic of the highest order). So I was fucking stunned stupid by the impact this [initially] labored shift in thinking had on my life -- in achieving my own goals and in my attitude towards life. It unexpectedly had this incredibly transformative effect on my relationships as well. The quality of my interactions with others heightened and I found myself learning and valuing people I had long ago written off as incapable of providing me with anything. Anyway, I chose to vomit this insight out because it was just so much more worthwhile than I expected and I needed to write it down as a reminder to myself that it is worth the effort (I have let it wane as of late). Perhaps it will be useful to you in your own life. If not, I hear they're doing awesome shit with crystal balls these days.

Good luck to you! (I know you are half joking but I recommend starting by doing all you can to focus on things you genuinely value in your partner and job and go from there. If nothing else, it'll be helpful in the upcoming divorce and termination proceedings lest you inadvertently allow all the bad to spill out :)

Oh my god. To go through all that - and for her to manage an awesome fighter attitude - only to be taken down by an unrelated infection?? What a gut punch. I'm just so so sorry to hear that. The roller coaster of emotions is simply unimaginable. What a tremendous loss. And for folks to shut it down (for their momentary comfort) by insinuating that it was somehow benevolent is infuriating. I hope you are holding up ok and that the waves of grief and anguish ebb for you from time to time. Not that I know anything about anything but if you ever want to reach out, please feel free to.

I remember one of the most hurtful things someone ever said to me was an attempt at positivity. My then father-in-law had been brutally murdered in a senseless and totally preventable way and after dragging out of me why I seemed 'glum' that day, an acquaintance assured me that my sadness was selfish because he's in a better place now and no longer suffering. To this day it pisses me off as he had no idea what, if any, religious beliefs I had and just.... even giving him the out of being surprised by the news and not knowing what to say, I can't imagine saying something like that to someone. When in doubt, say nothing. A gentle armpat would have been more than enough. But damn. At a certain point, even with the best intentions, you should be aware that you might be cheapening someone else's experience.