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samvet21 t1_jdeijpb wrote

So go to the bar, show up at work, see what happens?

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KiKiPAWG t1_jdekx6z wrote

As long as you got some light meditation in, sure!

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Calbone607 t1_jdeuph3 wrote

Some of these posts are not helpful lmao

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According_Bison_7824 t1_jdfhmx6 wrote

Oh boy... I've done this plenty of times and everytime I come back different. "Disappear" in todays world mean = get out of Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and all that shit and focus on IMPROVEMENT

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pies32 t1_jdftnai wrote

lol i disappear by forgetting i have a phone

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joshak t1_jdh1dew wrote

Disappear from who exactly? Work, friends, family? Being away from these for any period of time would have serious consequences.

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viktorv9 t1_jdhuqsx wrote

"Drop all your social contacts. Act like you're doing it to improve. Expect to be welcomed back no problem."

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goatanuss t1_jdh3lb0 wrote

For real, also I think that the “work on yourself” should be its own goal and reward not seeking validation of others by “returning unrecognisable”, but to each their own.

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ocarina_vendor t1_jdf2izc wrote

That was always the plan. But the work was too hard, and I never made the progress I thought I could, so I never returned at all.

I guess it's not too late...

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think50 t1_jdfsrz3 wrote

Small changes, long time frames! You can do the things you want to do!

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SpiritStriver90 t1_jdiwkm6 wrote

You may have bit off more than you could chew. If you found the work too hard you could also do less volume (less hours a day) at least at the beginning.

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hitch_please t1_jdfas1j wrote

Or you know, do your thing, let people see your failures and successes, be open and honest about your hard work and undercut this notion that shit happens overnight.

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its3amandi- t1_jdg5dzg wrote

I think that this post speaks to people like me, who want to improve themselves in order to get rid their insecurities/weaknesses to some extent. When people are insecure, they tend to avoid being open and vulnerable so I can understand the whole “take time to work on yourself and only show the best you to others”.

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HumpieDouglas t1_jdf2w95 wrote

Like the Count of Monte Cristo

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Chilling_Demon t1_jdfgl9b wrote

Goddammit, this is EXACTLY what I came here to say! 😀

Sometimes I’d love to be a Monte Cristo equivalent. I mean, I don’t want to spend 14 years in the Chateau d’If, but I’d happily disappear for a bit and then return wildly rich and unrecognisable to dish out justice on horrible people.

I doubt my wife would be too pleased at my vanishing though.

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MaracaBalls t1_jdficpz wrote

This is a very gangster move. Always wanted to do this but alas, I choose to liberally apply strawberry preserves to Camembert cheese and devour it like a debaucherous philistine.

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HappySmirk t1_jdfb9ue wrote

Gandalf, is that you ?

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Burnburnburnnow t1_jdfz1pu wrote

Just remember that so much of personal growth actually happens best with people. If you need to step away to transform, please do. But also know that transformation is also possible with others. The trick- being choosy about who gets to be in the group.

Love the message OP, just don’t want people thinking they necessarily have to cut out everything to improve. For some, yes, but not for all.

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bob-leblaw t1_jdf8vwo wrote

“Hard to make an entrance if you never exit.”

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ValyrianJedi t1_jdfnlzf wrote

I feel like this was written by a 13 year old

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killdozer33 t1_jdgc5m1 wrote

I feel like this was written by a 13 year old

−1

tol_mak7 t1_jdgaj98 wrote

Don't do this, this will fuck your mind up, unless you don't have friend. Tried this and I have no friends now more depressed than ever!!!

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aureliusofthenorth t1_jdgpgge wrote

Yeh I agree, this post is awful advice. People will believe anything these days if it sounds catchy and presented in the right way.

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puqpetmaster t1_jdhylcb wrote

it's the best way to know who your real friends are. I mean it works like a friend filter. Those who decide to stay back and accept you after your disappearance are the ones who truly wanted to see you successful. They are your real friends, rest of them are the toxic ones that you don't need

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tol_mak7 t1_jdi1cb7 wrote

Yeah, I mean you can't take anyone for granted except your parents ig. It's not like they were bad friends but suddenly disappearing and ghosting your friends is bad for you and people who know you. It's not that they didn't call or mail me, but they are also human beings they also have their own life going on and they can't be thinking about you all the time they have to let go at some moment of time. If you want to do it just don't go vanish in a day take your time, prepare yourself, solitude can be very challenging, you never know when you could need help.

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Deranged09 t1_jdioc6u wrote

I mean from the friends point of view you've randomly cut them off for no reason so it's actually you who's being a shitty friend in that situation. If you were a ''real'' friend, you'd explain that you wanted to spend some time working on yourself so you won't be around much instead of playing stupid games.

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ithrewthegame t1_jdi7qkp wrote

I did this, bow I have two very good friends and the rest of my once extensive network dropped me.

I did fall into depression but if you push through it can work out, at least I hope 🥲

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TrandaBear t1_jdfqjnf wrote

Didn't literal millions of Americans do this over the past three years?

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PoppDuder t1_jdfb4hl wrote

Yeah just disappear from both your full time jobs and the family the depends on you. Work on yourself (most of which would probably be fixed by having a larger salary) and return to no jobs and a destitute and rightly pissed off family.

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Nooblet76 t1_jdgzy8b wrote

Sounds like a you problem.

−1

SpiritStriver90 t1_jdivkzi wrote

Tell me then how you would propose they could extricate themselves from that situation.

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aureliusofthenorth t1_jdgpar2 wrote

This is terrible advice.

Social interaction is a healthy and super important part of life - without it you're a lot more likely to develop mental health problems like depression.

You don't need to "disappear" to work on yourself. You can do it while also catching up with friends once or twice a week. It won't stunt your progress. In fact, it will probably make it easier because you'll feel more refreshed and less god damn miserable.

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FatherOfLights88 t1_jdgvc5y wrote

Is this from personal experience or professional expertise? Or are you just talking out of your ass?

Some of us actually do need a full disconnect in order to properly calibrate ourselves and reenter reality.

Your 'advice' is crap.

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aureliusofthenorth t1_jdh2h3m wrote

It’s from personal experience, experience of others, from my passive interest in psychology and neuroscience, and from general common sense.

If you want to take life advice from a hooky quote probably made up by a 17 year old on Reddit, go ahead.

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FatherOfLights88 t1_jdh3kmi wrote

I'm not taking life advice from a kid online. I don't need it.

If you are so certain of your knowledge base, then it's nowhere near so comprehensive as you think. By and large, isolation is the onky way to figure out who you are. Everything else is just prattle.

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SpiritStriver90 t1_jdiw374 wrote

So you have a Ph.D. in psychology and neuroscience then, and thus can rightly call your knowledge base significantly more extensive?

−1

FatherOfLights88 t1_jdj4gah wrote

Does writing a comment like this make tiu feel smart? Do you enjoy being immediately combative and disagreeable?

Don't ask questions that you don't really want answers to. And, since you're looking for some kind of fight, look elsewhere.

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SpiritStriver90 t1_jdj4xve wrote

No, it has nothing to do with feeling smart; it just is that if you're going to make a dismissive, cocksure sounding comment of your own, then I can inquire just as curtly as to how you can justify it honestly, too. For the interests of even further honesty, it makes me angry because I hate seeing other people treated dismissively like that when I can sympathize with their plight due to it peeling scabs off years of past trauma that still I have not fully and entirely recovered from (if there is such a thing as recovery), but I also am simultaneously open-minded to that maybe you have good reason to say as you do, too, in spite of that anger, and so I then inquire about it, with the intent of procuring an honest answer.

Hence, you don't know what I "really want" answers to - not even the half of it. Trying to guess if someone "really wants" an answer to a question or not is a silly game I decided myself not to play a long, long time ago. Can you answer the question? If it's a "yes" - great for you, then you win points on both me and your original opponent. If it's a "no", then tell me how you justify your comment's truthfulness in the absence of possessing such knowledge.

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FatherOfLights88 t1_jdj5wuh wrote

Then try asking genuinely. While this is a public forum, you are not the person I was interacting with. I owe you nothing.

So... if you want something from me, approach me with the same tone & manners you would like for me to use with you.

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SpiritStriver90 t1_jdj6p9r wrote

OK, how about, "How do you know though that your knowledge is more extensive and thus can ask that someone accept your claim more than theirs? Do you have more extensive, formal training than they in psychology and neuroscience? A Ph.D., perhaps?"

And in any case, to me "genuine" means one thing: that what you say is what you honestly want. And that is exactly what I did. You chose not to interpret it that way because it didn't fit some preconceived mold you have regarding how that "should look". If you want to argue about tone, then ask me to "ask in a softer tone", not "ask genuinely" because "genuine" is not a tone but rather a statement of concordance between what is said and what one wants. And that concordance has been there from the get-go on these posts of mine.

0

FatherOfLights88 t1_jdjbgsm wrote

You're defining the terms of the conversation as if you have some control over things, which you don't.

Me? I don't care about what you think is happening here. There are plenty of people in the world who know how to insert themselves into a conversation that started before they entered the metaphorical room who don't require constant social correction. I'd rather deal with them than the chip on your shoulder.

In case it has not fully sunk in yet, I'm not going to give you what you're demanding from me. While I'm sure you're likeable in some places of the world, I don't find you particularly pleasant after the way you barged in here. Pretentious and entitled don't win points.

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SpiritStriver90 t1_jdjbv94 wrote

>You're defining the terms of the conversation as if you have some control over things, which you don't.

You did the same to me when you decided what my words meant / my intent was, so fair is fair. And you did that first - because my first post was just a question.

>Pretentious and entitled don't win points.

Why should I care what you think? Caring what someone else thinks about you is not typically talked of very kindly in my experience, so why do you bring this piece of opinion up? (Note how I'm not going to assume your intent, see? I ask a question so I do not assume something that is not correct.)

But maybe you're right, it's better not to bother answering again because all it's doing is making both of us angry and saying shit to each other that isn't going to help make us do anything more than further increase/escalate our anger levels and feelings of mutual indignation.

So let's end the convo gracefully with a bow-out, and I will say to the person you responded to (i.e. this part of my message is for u/aureliusofthenorth) if you can work on yourself while keeping a level of social interaction, great - you're not wrong! But if you (i.e. u/FatherOfLights88) need isolation, great for you too. Keep doing what works for your own individual constitutions. Both of you know yourselves far better than you do each other or I know either of you.

Goodbye!

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FatherOfLights88 t1_jdjdq10 wrote

Do you honestly think that you're the only person in the world who communicates like you do? Your first post was not "just a question". It was an attempt to 'judge as worthy' or 'discredit'. There's a part in the dark recesses of your mind that thinks it knows better.

Until you correct the disagreeable part of your character, this "conversation" will continue to be nothing but circular, boring, and uninspired.

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SpiritStriver90 t1_jdjkppx wrote

OK, here's something else, now that I have been away from this a bit and calmed down.

How should I correct the "disagreeable part of my character", exactly? What would an "agreeable" way of approaching it, that would ask what I've stated is my actual intent to ask, but in the proper way that makes that clear, look like?

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SpiritStriver90 t1_jdjfbs7 wrote

>Do you honestly think that you're the only person in the world who communicates like you do?

No, I don't. I also don't bother to keep a ledger of who communicates in what style, nor do I particularly care to.

And I don't have to be the only one in the world who communicates the same way I do, either. They'd probably make better convo partners than you and I do.

>Your first post was not "just a question". It was an attempt to 'judge as worthy' or 'discredit'. There's a part in the dark recesses of your mind that thinks it knows better.

The motivation of my first question was because it seemed to me you were being rather nasty yourself toward that person, treating them like they were so awful for simply disputing a piece of life advice given on an Internet forum. That got me mad to see you treat them that way. It seemed to me like you were grandstanding over them, so I wanted to call that out. I am not sure if that means I think something in my mind "knows better" (what does that even mean? "Knows better" about what, than who? You? Him? I legitimately am having trouble decoding the referent there) - I don't "know better" than you who is or isn't "ultimately right" on this, as I said I think it's really dependent on the individual which path will/won't work for them so I don't think that either one is more or less "right". But I did also honestly want to know too, because I know I could be wrong.

So yes, maybe the question did serve a rhetorical purpose (not sure it's exactly the one you are saying it is though given the aforementioned reading comp problem viz. the phrase "knows better") but for me, whenever I ask such a question I also am doing so just as much with an open mind to that the answer may very well defeat my rhetoric, too, so it's double-purpose, not single.

Also, since you have said this conversation is circular and boring, why are you still trying to rope me back into it?

0

SpiritStriver90 t1_jdivsfa wrote

"Some of us" also need the opposite.

So your comment kind of contains its own refutation.

There "real cold hard truth" here is there is no one size fits all formula for everyone, and neither the OP's nor the person you are responding to's, are that formula, because it doesn't exist.

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FatherOfLights88 t1_jdj3zsm wrote

Not really. I was being polite.

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SpiritStriver90 t1_jdjldfs wrote

See, that's the thing. How am I supposed to understand what you're saying was meant that way as opposed to simply what it said on its face? Though I can see the logic, there seems no way to distinguish it on the dint of what you have written.

And then I still get back to having to ask you, even if my anger has had a chance to dissipate some now, because I truly honestly can't see it, how you can think it must be the same for everybody, that there is an only "one-size-fits-all" approach given how diverse human beings and their circumstances are. And how you can justify such a sweeping, exception-free statement and, in doing so, what credentials or experience you bring to the table that is at least as good as what the person you were talking to were claiming as their credentials (or else, some evidence that they lack the credentials they have stated they have). Of course, maybe they too were making a sweeping statement, but then - again following logic - that just means two of us need to "pony up", not one.

And how exactly was your post calling that person "talking out of your ass" and "your opinion is crap" very "polite", exactly, much less "agreeable", and at least more agreeable than everything I have said to this point? It's hard to accept correction from someone who seems like they might (and I say "might" because again, I am trying to be open to the possibility I am wrong, so I can be fair) be a hypocrite.

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OneBraveGhost t1_jdfusc0 wrote

What does it mean to “disappear?”

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MeSpikey t1_jdgtj3r wrote

Moving towns for example.

Though, I kind of would like to have this on my gravestone someday...

−1

danuser8 t1_jdg4uz6 wrote

For how long? And who’s gonna pay the rent?

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trynagetfitforsummer t1_jdgr42i wrote

Dissapear means not use social media and work in silence

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MeSpikey t1_jdgtmk2 wrote

Or moving and changing your life and if you happen to get back, surprise! for those who stayed.

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Subatomicsharticles t1_jdf8olf wrote

Only problem is there will be those jealous dick heads who will treat you or try bring up the way you were before

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flaming_bob t1_jdfizcw wrote

Oh, they're not a problem. Just block their numbers, and turn your back on them in public.

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Moonblaze13 t1_jdg1vsz wrote

Ooooooh. So that's this trans agenda I keep hearing about.

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RickySamson t1_jdg7l7j wrote

I was a neatly dressed working man but then I transformed into a drunk hobo and no one recognizes me anymore. Am I doing this right?

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Dyn085 t1_jdfehbe wrote

This is what I do but the disappear usually involves a hospital and the unrecognizable is because of scars 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Bt1039 t1_jdg2f4q wrote

Had to check what sub I was in lol

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Dyn085 t1_jdgz6ek wrote

Lol, I guess I should clarify that I’m accident prone.

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DeannaZone t1_jdfq4j1 wrote

This is exactly what I have been doing this month, I almost do not want to go back to everything else again, but thank you for this post for the reminder <3

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4444444vr t1_jdfqc0r wrote

The toddler will find his own way

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ZFAdri t1_jdfrjr7 wrote

Planning to do exactly this for a bit spend waaaay too much time seeking validation from other people

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GoodkallA t1_jdfykjv wrote

Acid works wonders on facial disfiguration.

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Dank_Bubu t1_jdfz2ph wrote

r/restofthefuckingowl

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MacsyReddit t1_jdgo7m3 wrote

Disappear for some time, return as a crack addict

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vegancrossfiter t1_jdhf07x wrote

I dont really like this mentality because it makes you work just so that you can show off to other people who at the end of a day dont give a fuck about you and dont like you. You might impress them for a minute or two and then they will forget about it and go on about their day. Just do it for yourself and for a better life, haters will hate no matter what you do.

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Schnozzlerite t1_jdi31ls wrote

Lol if I had the money to "disappear for some time" then my "work" is already done.

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Sabrinaa_002 t1_jdicnzd wrote

I want this, but I can't afford it. I mean whoever can do this, is just so lucky.

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Formal_Cover t1_jdfq8gu wrote

Wish there was a tutorial for this. :<

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Jluke413 t1_jdfy7df wrote

This is why I take personal days..

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Magical_Badboy t1_jdg3y9s wrote

Or don’t return at all. Who gives a shit.

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Party-Writer9068 t1_jdg4p0r wrote

been planning to do this once i got some savings.

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lavahot t1_jdg6n3c wrote

Have your Racer X arc. Beat the shit out of your little brother... at racing.

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MooseBoys t1_jdgcemb wrote

“Imma go get some milk; I’ll be back later, kids…”

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neonlace t1_jdge2uu wrote

Done this before. Doing it now, will do again.

Hearing ‘you’ve changed’ or any other comment that attempts to reframe growth as some sort of departure from your ‘true self’ as they ‘knew you’ is your first sign that you’ve evolved past their comprehension.

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mathsplosion t1_jdgemi2 wrote

I dont like the way these commas are used. But maybe it's a reflection of the fact that I'm miserable and need to work on my self.

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HeresDave t1_jdgf6dl wrote

Currently working on just that. Wish me luck.

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husbunny t1_jdgk02i wrote

My wife and kids would be pissed.

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acedamace t1_jdgsi9c wrote

Tried this and somehow went backwards.....

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Proper_Mortgage_1538 t1_jdgwccc wrote

i agree to this many people wants a results they will laugh at you while you're minding your business and you don't care cause the goal is to achieve greater things not to impress people

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outofmyelement1445 t1_jdh2bgq wrote

I’m backpacking in Asia alone for 40 days. I highly recommend to go and do it. Great for personal growth

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SpiritStriver90 t1_jdiwbfh wrote

And if you can't afford it, you can always just go and do the same anywhere else you happen to be at.

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wildadragon t1_jdh3ai2 wrote

Just disappear as if I don't have responsibilities. Man STFU.

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NeroFMX t1_jdh3rk2 wrote

I have nowhere to "return" to. It's just me at this point in my life.

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tiptophightops t1_jdh4qg4 wrote

Tried this a few times.

By the time I’m finished working on myself, I don’t give a shit about the opinions of those that angered me enough to change.

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cid-musa t1_jdh4r28 wrote

I had 2 friends now i jave nil 😭😭😭

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omgThisIsNotMyName t1_jdh7qdx wrote

That was the plan. Not sure if I abandoned it or if I’m still in the “work on yourself” phase but I’ve been enjoying it

1

Jtenka t1_jdh84oz wrote

This was me. Put a load of weight on during pandemic. Met a girl who ghosted me at work.

Went away for 3 months, came off social media, lost close to 40lb. Went back boxing and got back to amazing shape. Got the inevitable apology from the girl who now wanted to start talking again.

Life has never been better. Its now been 6 months since then. I've met somebody amazing. Had a promotion and hopefully will compete in the sport again soon. I'm still not on social media and it feels freeing.

1

Hammydsp t1_jdh923m wrote

Andy Bernard did that, and it was the worst character arc in the show

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PaperXenomorphBag t1_jdh9z31 wrote

Not sure how its gonna work with girlfriend and kids. Theres a lot to work on as far as by myself, but in this case, we both (girlfriend) and i need it

1

GreyFoxHound1 t1_jdha651 wrote

I did this over the quarantine, and everyone got really mad at me.

1

EricMoulds t1_jdhbso1 wrote

Yeah, but my wife and daughter would probably be upset if I just peaced out for some self-work...

1

monalisasnipples t1_jdhdu97 wrote

So get plastic surgery so nobody k owns who you are?

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No_Profile_6871 t1_jdhg3w6 wrote

Amen. I needed this now, have been struggling with my weight, got laid off but it's ok. Thankfully have savings so I'm taking time off to just focus on myself and working out. Then going back to a different career, my old one of 22 yrs was literally killing me mentally.

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TechIsATool t1_jdhsnr1 wrote

Socially isolated myself , what's next ?

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iliketoeatfunyuns t1_jdhtfsh wrote

I'm currently working on this, I have about 34 lbs more to lose

1

rafael-a t1_jdiqjs6 wrote

Because that’s such a viable option

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SpiritStriver90 t1_jdiw6li wrote

Introverts will of course be at least halfway there anyways all the time.

1

Shmogt t1_jdl2pxt wrote

Just when I thought I was out they pull me back in

1

sheepishly_spiritual t1_jdlcz6q wrote

I don't know how to work on myself, but that's for me to figure out.

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thrallster55 t1_jdr6i1j wrote

just remember how to return on the same place...

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carmium t1_jdet3n6 wrote

Just make sure you're not living in Florida... or Alabama... or Oklahoma... They don't like people who change.

0

iaafunicorn t1_jdgldq9 wrote

Doing this currently!

0

FatherOfLights88 t1_jdgvh7j wrote

Same! I've never felt so consistently calm and stable. There is only one person from my "old life" who knows where I live and how to contact me. I never knew I'd enjoy this level of anonymity and pure lack of availability to the world.

2