A man walks into his doctor's office. The doc says "Have a seat." The man sits down and the doctor says " Well, I have good news and bad news. Which one would you like first?" The man thinks for a second and says "I guess ill take the bad news first. Let's just get it over with." The doctor replies "Well, o.k. We've gotten the latest round of your test results and I'm afraid that you only have a month left to live." The man replies "My God man! Thats awful news. What could possibly be good news after that?" So the doc says "Well, you see my new secretary? The blond with the nice ass and big tits?" The man says "Yeah but I don't see how this is relevant to me" The doc smiles and says "I'm fucking her"

This was recently told to me by a man in his eighties with whom I play in a guitar orchestra with.

Comments

FunnyGoNow t1_j92plij wrote on February 18, 2023 at 7:58 PM

Slightly Darker:

"Give me the bad news first, doc."

"You have an extremely aggressive brain disease, John, and you probably only have a few weeks to get your affairs in order."

"Holy hell. What's the good news?"

"You're not going to remember this conversation tomorrow."

promano0811 t1_j93hcqy wrote on February 18, 2023 at 11:24 PM

Well, I have your test results. There were two findings.

What are they, Doctor?

First of all you have cancer.

What else did you find?

You also have Alzheimer's.

At least I don't have cancer.

Thegreatscott9 t1_j94rt67 wrote on February 19, 2023 at 5:58 AM

"The bad news is you don't have long to live."

"How long? please tell me!'

"Six..."

"Six what!? Months? Weeks?"

"Five..."

JJohnston015 t1_j94d7wl wrote on February 19, 2023 at 3:39 AM

"Give me the bad news first."

"You have dementia. You know what that means. Memory loss, confusion, and eventually, complete loss of identity and control over bodily functions".

"Geez, that's rough. What's the good news?"

"Other than the dementia, you're in perfect health. You'll probably live to 100".

"Great! What's the bad news?"

mudinha_zuerinha t1_j95tldo wrote on February 19, 2023 at 1:58 PM

doctor: so, we ran the tests and we found out that...

me: found what doc? come on, i dont have all day

doctor: wait, how did you know?

rascible t1_j944rhu wrote on February 19, 2023 at 2:29 AM

Me to my Doctor: "How's it going?" Doctor: "I had 4 cases of VD this week. I'm better now..."

don-vote t1_j96olw0 wrote on February 19, 2023 at 5:48 PM

Man goes to his doctor. Doctor says I’ve got bad news and worse news. Man says, “geez, give me the bad news first I guess”. Doc says “you’ve got 24 hours to live”. Man goes, “Christ! What could be worse than that?!” Doc says “I meant to tell you yesterday.”

excessRavine45 t1_j92kjho wrote on February 18, 2023 at 7:22 PM

Fuck that‘s dark.

[deleted] t1_j95i1jw wrote on February 19, 2023 at 11:50 AM

[deleted]

Kevin11th t1_j96kke6 wrote on February 19, 2023 at 5:20 PM

I don't get it either

OptimusPrimel984 t1_j97jzzx wrote on February 19, 2023 at 9:25 PM

The good news is for the doctor, not the patient.

jessiezell t1_j9bg3d9 wrote on February 20, 2023 at 6:24 PM

Because he had 24 hours to live, then doc says he should have told him yesterday, meaning he only had a few hours, if that, left to live 😀

RipKipley t1_j967ln9 wrote on February 19, 2023 at 3:49 PM

In your last sentence OP, you don't need the last 'with' since you've already included it in the sentence. I hope you found that helpful.