Good News/ Bad News

Submitted by BelowThePale t3_115ms32 in Jokes

A man walks into his doctor's office. The doc says "Have a seat." The man sits down and the doctor says " Well, I have good news and bad news. Which one would you like first?" The man thinks for a second and says "I guess ill take the bad news first. Let's just get it over with." The doctor replies "Well, o.k. We've gotten the latest round of your test results and I'm afraid that you only have a month left to live." The man replies "My God man! Thats awful news. What could possibly be good news after that?" So the doc says "Well, you see my new secretary? The blond with the nice ass and big tits?" The man says "Yeah but I don't see how this is relevant to me" The doc smiles and says "I'm fucking her"

This was recently told to me by a man in his eighties with whom I play in a guitar orchestra with.

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FunnyGoNow t1_j92plij wrote

Slightly Darker:

"Give me the bad news first, doc."

"You have an extremely aggressive brain disease, John, and you probably only have a few weeks to get your affairs in order."

"Holy hell. What's the good news?"

"You're not going to remember this conversation tomorrow."

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promano0811 t1_j93hcqy wrote

Well, I have your test results. There were two findings.

What are they, Doctor?

First of all you have cancer.

What else did you find?

You also have Alzheimer's.

At least I don't have cancer.

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rascible t1_j944rhu wrote

Me to my Doctor: "How's it going?" Doctor: "I had 4 cases of VD this week. I'm better now..."

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JJohnston015 t1_j94d7wl wrote

"Give me the bad news first."

"You have dementia. You know what that means. Memory loss, confusion, and eventually, complete loss of identity and control over bodily functions".

"Geez, that's rough. What's the good news?"

"Other than the dementia, you're in perfect health. You'll probably live to 100".

"Great! What's the bad news?"

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Thegreatscott9 t1_j94rt67 wrote

"The bad news is you don't have long to live."

"How long? please tell me!'

"Six..."

"Six what!? Months? Weeks?"

"Five..."

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mudinha_zuerinha t1_j95tldo wrote

doctor: so, we ran the tests and we found out that...

me: found what doc? come on, i dont have all day

doctor: wait, how did you know?

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RipKipley t1_j967ln9 wrote

In your last sentence OP, you don't need the last 'with' since you've already included it in the sentence. I hope you found that helpful.

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don-vote t1_j96olw0 wrote

Man goes to his doctor. Doctor says I’ve got bad news and worse news. Man says, “geez, give me the bad news first I guess”. Doc says “you’ve got 24 hours to live”. Man goes, “Christ! What could be worse than that?!” Doc says “I meant to tell you yesterday.”

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