Grownuppieceofjizz t1_iu96u5c wrote on October 29, 2022 at 3:14 PM

Reply to comment by mercurysnowman in LPT Request: how to deal with an emotionally draining friend I have to see on a daily basis by mercurysnowman

Do they take your advice if you give it, or are they just using you as a sounding board?

It’s a tough one if you want to keep the friendship. Boundaries are important in friendships just as much as they are in relationships.

I guess you could just limit your time around them where possible and hope they get the message.

mercurysnowman OP t1_iu988d0 wrote on October 29, 2022 at 3:24 PM

yep. sounding board. they just want to engage in the most unproductive of conversations, ALL THE TIME.

and yes that is the plan, limiting my time around them and basically avoiding them till they get the hint.

Kat121 t1_iu9r7yg wrote on October 29, 2022 at 5:39 PM

“Hey, we have talked about this person, this issue, this feeling a lot and none of my previous advice seems to be helping you. It may be above my pay grade as your friend to help you. It might be time to talk to an adult or a professional a about this.”

Turn the conversation towards their agency to make a change instead of focusing on what others are doing to them or how they feel. “That sounds terrible, what do you plan to do about it?” “There is nothing I can do, I am a powerless victim.” “That can’t be true, try to brainstorm a couple of ideas no matter how stupid. You’ll feel better.”

Also, there is a form of conversational “grey rock” where you kind of tune out and just reply “cool, bummer, or wow” to everything they say, offering nothing of yourself to the problem. It’s kind of a defense against the black arts reserved for people that just do not take a hint about over-sharing.

Vio94 t1_iubflr6 wrote on October 30, 2022 at 1:11 AM

Soooo how is cutting them out of your life not an option? I hope you're actually getting something out of this friendship.

bart416 t1_iucnz85 wrote on October 30, 2022 at 9:24 AM

>and yes that is the plan, limiting my time around them and basically avoiding them till they get the hint.

They won't get the hint, all it will do is make you seem more absent, slowly increasing the distance between you two, cutting them off slowly or frustrating them to the point where they cut you off. This method never works and might achieve something you don't want.

Before you do anything in particular, ask yourself: Does your friend even have anyone else to talk to about the issue at hand? Why is this so important to them? If you want someone to back off in terms of complaining it's often a good idea to look at the reason why they're complaining to you about something or someone.