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Aylabadayla t1_iuckgdl wrote

This is good advice until it’s not. Sometimes it’s healthier to talk about a problem in your marriage with a close friend or someone you trust as they can give you a different viewpoint. There have been many times where I’ve vented to a friend and was offered different perspectives.

However, I think it’s super duper important not to involve your immediate family in your marital issues. If you’re having a fight with your spouse and vent to your parents about it, you’re more likely to forgive them easier and quicker vs your parents. It just leads to more problems.

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CJ3795 t1_iucnemk wrote

I have first hand experience of this and we are now in therapy so I can try to establish boundaries with my partner so he stops running to his (massive) family every time we have an issue in our relationship. His mother in particular remembers every single bad thing that’s happened! Involving family is never a good idea in the long term.

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Dvscape t1_iuday0q wrote

I'm 34 and have never discussed my relationships with any of my parents. What good could there come of it (other than venting, maybe)?

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PhilosophicalPhuck t1_iudedfb wrote

>What good could there come of it

mommy i hurty i need attentionsss

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drsyesta t1_iuftt55 wrote

Who tf would go to their parents for support? Cringe

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Funandgeeky t1_iufqv91 wrote

My family never knew I was going to get a divorce until two weeks after my ex had moved out. (It was amicable, but still divorce is never fun.) I refused to vent any issues I had with them and I stand by it. Even now, when I mention my ex I never say anything negative.

Far too many people run to their families because they want an echo chamber. And they want their family to help them gang up on the other person. And it's NOT a sign of a mature person and can signal that this is not a healthy relationship.

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2derpywolves t1_iue54c2 wrote

I've known people to go to others to complain and vent anytime something inconveniencing happens in a relationship, but don't put the same energy into being appreciative or sharing positive things regarding the relationship.

And then they wonder why their friends view the relationship and their partner negatively.

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thanif t1_iud63v4 wrote

>However, I think it’s super duper important not to involve your immediate family in your marital issues. If you’re having a fight with your spouse and vent to your parents about it, you’re more likely to forgive them easier and quicker vs your parents. It just leads to more problems.

This...We don't realize it but we tend to vent about the bad stuff too much and not talk about the good stuff enough. They end up getting a view of your significant other that's both one sided because they are only hearing your perspective but also mostly dominated by all the negative aspects of your relationship.

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mommadragon72 t1_iuerxlg wrote

That and you love your partner, your family loves you first ( most of the time) and are protective of you. You forgive your partner, your family may not.

I know that's assuming healthy family dynamics but it also holds true for close friends

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Aylabadayla t1_iuemun3 wrote

Yep 100%. There’s some things that you definitely need your parents support for. Like spouse abuse, manipulation, hurting children etc but MOST arguments don’t need to be brought up.

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mainlydank t1_iud0y5s wrote

The problem with your theory, is that close friends are very unlikely to be impartial parties, and will take your side of the story and give you advice based on that. The same exact issue you mentioned with immediate family members happen with close friends.

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TOBIjampar t1_iud2yl7 wrote

Idk, if a close friend comes to me with relationship problems I try to be as neutral as possible. Being a yes man doesn't help them.

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Live_Resource_3357 t1_iud6svz wrote

Me being in this perticular spot right now, I'll let you know that , i don't think a best mate will take just your side until he is just your mate and doesn't even know your partner.

My best mate is having issues right now , and he vents and removes his frustration while we go for a drink or match. I give me a reality check because I know his girl too. ( He had introduced her to me while we went on trip together ) , When he understands that sometimes just the situations are in certain conditions which seems bad and it's not her fault , i can see his wheels turning and we go get flowers so that he can apologise and make things right. It's good to talk to others but make sure if it's your best mate then he should also know her .

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mainlydank t1_iud94d5 wrote

I have realized this is really one of those things that is highly dependent on whom one is talking to. If one is married, ones friends should 100% support that persons relationship no matter what, with the exception of actual abuse.

I've seen my wife talk to her scumbag friends and family members, and those people don't 100% support our relationship, they have got too many of their own issues they havent dealt with, so some are man haters, and some are just not good at being therapists so they give bad advice. It almost ruined our relationship.

I suppose better advice would be "Don't talk to friends or family members about relationship problems, unless they 100% support your relationship and doing whatever it takes to make it work"

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Live_Resource_3357 t1_iudbaer wrote

Absolutely right ! The goal should be to support the relationship and advise should be taken from those who don't have some personal issue going on as well , because that person will reflect his own situation onto yours.

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Aylabadayla t1_iuencqb wrote

It just depends on your group of friends I guess. There have been times when my friends have come to me or I have gone to them. I would say we both try to remain pretty neutral or offer advice in a tactful way.

I will say that I’m old enough now where my friend group is quality over quantity and we are pretty good at telling each other what we think or what we believe without getting offended. So I guess my life tip is coming from my own experience.

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sideshowmario t1_iudy8po wrote

I made the mistake of hiding my abusive bipolar ex's condition, and nobody believed me when she tried killing me by hitting me with our SUV, among many other things she did to my kids and me

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mommadragon72 t1_iues3zu wrote

Not bad talking your partner to your family is a different thing then hiding abuse. I'm sorry y'all had to go through that, I hope you and the kids are safe and happy now

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sideshowmario t1_iueu5yr wrote

Agreed, 100%. Some details are better left private, and others require support. Thank you for your concern; after several expensive and difficult years, things have mostly calmed down, but my family still has doubts about my claims unfortunately, which has led to me keeping them at arm's length. My boys are doing great, and that gives me all the peace I need.

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neblles t1_iufeolm wrote

Then you try to vent to someone who’s a “friend” and shares it with everyone to make a joke out of you. People suck in my experience. Make sure it’s a day one friend you share your life with.

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PoliteFly t1_iuc7iw8 wrote

Hard disagree. That's what my manipulative ex kept telling me. Had I talked to a friend they'd help me realise how much of an awful person she was way sooner than I did.

Obviously don't go around telling your problems to random people, but there's no reason not to talk about it with your friends

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LeafsWinBeforeIDie t1_iuc92xi wrote

Your friends usually have your best interest at heart. If they warn you, know that they probably didn't take the decision lightly, and real friends become real friends by actually caring about you. If the friend is good, not only will they not lead you astray, but your words through conversation with them will show you the way without them even telling you.

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Joubachi t1_iucb1wt wrote

Friends - and professionals like therapists, sometimes also parents. Some problems just simply need a third/outside view on things.

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ptlimits t1_iucjmt2 wrote

Two sides to this coin. It can be bad as the friend usually only knows one side of the story, as most of the time their friend will only divulge an edited story. The person is usually venting, super upset, emotional, and most likely not explaining it 100% objectively. That's why it's important to have a non bias 3rd party, like a therapist. A good friend can suffice instead, and can be a good source of support, but only if they know both parties and the circumstances very well and of course are very sound minded. I agree with OP in general, it's better to not drag people through the mud everytime you're going through it. On the flip side, people do need an outlet. So its different case by case.

To me a fair solution would be to yes, use your friend as support and sounding board, (but not to excess as I think that's just inconsiderate at some point) AND let them have a candid convo with your partner. That way they can act as a mediator between the two, and get a better more fair scope of the situation. A true good friend will want to be objective, as people inside of a relationship can let their emotions cloud their judgment, and they wouldn't want their friend to make a mistake they will regret, due to their own fault, something they were failing to learn or grow on. A good friend will consider the possibility their friend might need a straight talk, that could actually help them in their future, not just providing confirmation bias. Example: my ex refused to do anything without being asked, but also got angry when reminded to do something. They would get angry and their ability to communicate maturely or talk rationally went out the window. Then after they would forget that's how it started even though i fought to maintain mature calm dialogue. They genuinely seemed to be addicted to the fury and the drama. They would run to their friends afterwards crying about being unhappy, but because they couldn't even see what they were doing, there was no chance of their friend being able to understand, and in affect help the actual problem. i always felt if I could have told my side they would have been shocked at some of the details that my ex withheld or rewrote, and would have been able to help instead of just telling him what he wanted to hear.

(With very few exceptions) If your friend isn't willing to talk with your partner and just says "screw them" they don't have your best interests at heart; it's easier for them to just tell u to cut the ties.

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FluorscopicFuck t1_iucze98 wrote

My partner’s friend has to come talk to me? I can’t talk to my partner directly? That’s an issue. What kind of relationships are you people in??😬

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popejubal t1_iudnevy wrote

Almost all of the time, the couple has talked to each other, but they’ve run into an issue that they can’t resolve themselves.

Sometimes, one of the people in the couple doesn’t want to resolve the issue because they’re benefiting from it. It could be a huge issue or it could be something small like “she always does the dishes because she hits her limits of how much mess she can tolerate faster than I do.”

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ptlimits t1_iue1q66 wrote

Thank u. That's exactly it. At that point u have tried talking to each other. It's great to talk to ur friend for help but u can't take it 100% confidence til they know the whole story and I'm sorry but ur just not gonna get that from only one half the relationship.

1

ptlimits t1_iue1h9r wrote

Obviously u also talk to ur partner first. But once ur taking an outside opinion seriously it's only fair for them to get both sides. Or find someone who is nuetral.

0

joyfall t1_iud4f54 wrote

Same. "We talk out our issues and work on our problems together" sounded smart, but it really meant he could manipulate and coerce me in private. If I had shared with just one person what was going on then I would've had clarity that things weren't right.

Experiencing real gas lighting where you get to the point of not trusting your sense of reality anymore is traumatizing. The first step is isolating you from outside opinions.

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PoliteFly t1_iudnrhc wrote

Pretty much what I was trying to say. I was such a fool to to accept that logic. Looking back to it whenever we'd talk about an issue she'd always shift the blame on me. Now, 2 years later, I can hardly believe how much stupidity I ended up putting up with and how much I tried to justify and rationalise her poor behaviour

The isolation and gaslight can be very real and I'm sorry to hear that you went through something similar as well

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joyfall t1_iue8j7q wrote

Sorry you went through it too. It's hard to look back in hindsight with what you know now.

There's a therapist on youtube Dr. Ramani that I suggest looking up. She actually has a video out today about gas lighting and blame shifting. Understanding the psychology of it all and that you weren't alone in the experience has been the most helpful for me.

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ptlimits t1_iuech0n wrote

And sometimes the gaslighter even believes they're the ones being gaslit. It's gets super confusing and you really need outside opinion at that point. My ex would scream gaslight when I'm literally going off exactly what happened and they're just going off their clouded emotional memory. It's like I couldn't even disagree about what happened without them taking it as a huge personal insult and gaslight. I feel like I have every right to say "that's not how I saw it" and not be coerced into saying otherwise because they rage.

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CyborgTiger t1_iudp9i9 wrote

That’s why they said in the post that if you do make sure it’s someone you truly trust. Read!

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ZerngCaith t1_iuc8n1j wrote

Always have trusted friends to tell these things otherwise you’ll end up being easily manipulated. We tend to normalize and justify a lot of shit when in relationships.

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Progress-Awkward t1_iud130n wrote

Except if they are abusive. People need to seek support from others and counselors if they are being abused in any way.

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Ghostglitch07 t1_iueyr78 wrote

The problem is finding the lines of what is abuse can be really difficult if you aren't talking to anyone outside of the situation. It's not uncommon for people to normalize and justify their partners behavior in a way an outsider wouldn't.

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Progress-Awkward t1_iufrrqc wrote

Pro tip: If you feel unsafe in anyway with your partner and bring it up to them and they aren't willing to acknowledge what they did and change behavior to make u feel safe, that's a red flag the behavior is verging on abuse and you ABSOLUTELY should tell others.

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thelobear t1_iudblkz wrote

This advice gets dangerous considering how many people are isolated in toxic and abusive relationships.

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Hecknonancy t1_iuczou1 wrote

This can end up with someone being heavily manipulated/abused. Alot of times when someone "doesn't understand" the relationship its bc it's toxic in some way.

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Logeybearbro t1_iucji7j wrote

Couldn’t disagree more, not good advice I’m afraid.

Being open and honest with your friends can be greatly beneficial for the relationship, and your/their mental health. Obviously if you go around saying how much you hate them, then you’re mostly going to get a certain kind of advice, or maybe somebody will disagree with you and highlight a failing of yours, or help you realise you, in fact, don’t want to be with them (and that’s ok).

My ex would’ve benefitted a great deal from being open and honest with their friends about our relationship, primarily because they were being deeply unreasonable & we would often find it difficult to constructively disagree. I frequently wonder how different it would’ve been if they’d got some perspective on their own behaviour.

Communication is everything, and talking through your thoughts with somebody that’s not directly involved but can sympathise with your perspective can help you immeasurably.

Of course there is a flip side, maybe your chosen confidant isn’t very emotionally mature, or maybe they don’t care enough to really try to listen/help…in which case I would potentially try to find somebody more suited.

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quebecivre t1_iudnfk1 wrote

I agree 100 percent with everything you're saying. Your partner can't and shouldn't be your only emotional/social outlet.

In talking to my friends about my SO, the perspective I often arrive at is: "I have a great partner overall, and we'll work this issue out with a few good conversations." That's useful and positive. And if I'm being unreasonable, my friends or family would tell me.

I think/hope what OP was saying is your family and friends don't forget about what bad things you unload on them about your partner, so be careful about doing this.

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LeaCTrockboys t1_iucogve wrote

Lol this advice was written by an abuser.

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Fun_Amount3063 t1_iud6l00 wrote

Yikes

The world doesn’t need to know about every tiny disagreement but to say people “don’t understand your relationship” is some manipulative, abuser shit.

Edit- OP’s post history is very good indication that you should always ignore this person’s advice.

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soleceismical t1_iufrfas wrote

Damn OP is spiraling HARD. Maybe he should have talked to his own friends (and not hers) about the relationship. But it just sounds like she is not at all interested and that's why she ended it. I hope he can get support and distraction from his own IRL friends and family to help him move forward.

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beyd1 t1_iuc75b2 wrote

People will remember the fight you had but not the making up.

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soleceismical t1_iufs0vp wrote

People will remember that you keep having fights and they wish you wouldn't keep making up. If it's an isolated incident that gets permanently resolved, they will forget it.

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csicseriborso t1_iucmwj0 wrote

This is BS. It's the easiest way of staying in an abusive relationship without help, or even without realising it is abusive.

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ArizonaZia t1_iuc75l6 wrote

Therapists beg to differ.

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Gullible_Peach16 t1_iuco1jo wrote

We both have people in our lives that can be objective so we have gone to them about problems. My mom and close friend will both straight up tell me if I’m being wrong. My husband has a few men of different ages and life stages that meet up regularly that he can talk to.

Better advice would be to have objective friends that you can talk to sometimes. But if you find that you always need a third party to talk to about the relationship, then therapy 💫

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CountlessStories t1_iudivrw wrote

You might have forgiven them, but that doesnt mean your friends will.

Dont mix up "Not understanding" with "holding the other person to their own standards for an S.O.". Some people have dirt low standards and need a friend to say 'thats fucked up."

If anything. I'd say dont talk to people who wont respect your boundaries or will be passive aggressive on your behalf. THAT can be an issue if somethings resolved.

But not having a outside perspective is a great way to get manipulated. No no no.

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Hovi_Bryant t1_iudf51o wrote

Everyone should have a support system. Trusted friends and therapists for starters.

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FallinFloatinFlyin t1_iudjfdr wrote

WHOA WHOA, hold your horses, buckaroo! Yes and most definitely fuck no...

Don't feed everyone your problems just because you're pissed sure (usually you tell the story from a more biased perspective because you're mad, it makes your friends mad, and tension spreads)

BUT...I was personally in a relationship and didn't realize how incredibly toxic it was. I was guided to not ask friends for advice (I would be unbiased in my telling [learned from my therapist] and genuinely wanted to actually see if I was wrong/how I could improve as a partner, if so). Meanwhile, this person would tell me that their friends hated me, said I was wrong and a piece of shit/they'd refuse to meet me, etc. They isolated me specifically so they could control me. I didn't even realize there were problems until this partner offered to meet one of said friends and shit went awry. My friend detected these behaviors and helped me get the fuck outta there.

The real LPT is a) be very selective with your friends (people who call you out on your shit are the best) and b) be very impartial when talking to your friends or make it clear "it's a vent, I'm just upset". Also be careful and watch if a "friend" is trying to control the situation themselves and purposefully make it worse.

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WastedKnowledge t1_iuczann wrote

Thought I learned that in my first serious relationship, but my second serious relationship proved that is what makes manipulators so successful.

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inthemoorning t1_iudstvd wrote

Everyone should check OP’s post history and see why this is terrible, non-nuanced advice. This mentality is often used as justification for manipulation and abuse to happen.

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infinitebeep t1_iudwf8y wrote

This is only good advice if it’s not an abusive situation. And sometimes it’s hard to know that when you’re tight-lipped with friends and family. I get where you’re coming from, but I think this is a tricky one

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RioBlue93 t1_iue1mng wrote

i think a lot of abusive people rely on this principle to keep their partner silent, compliant, and maybe even gaslit.

talking through relationship issues with close (trusted) friends can help you identify red flags decrease stress, gain perspective, etc.

this is why we go to talk therapy. Our brains benefit from talking through situations and it helps us work through our fight/flight response. Our romantic partner is too close to the situation to help us work through it and not everyone is comfortable/has access to therapy.

I think that this mindset of "staying silent" about your relationship is a very outdated view that does not benefit anyone and isn't even how we were originally designed as communal beings. Traditionally, we have elders in our communities so that we can ask for wisdom. Let's not be so painfully prideful when it comes to our homes.

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stretcharach t1_iuenjpn wrote

I think you're right. This LPT seems to lean towards the sentiment "I don't want a relationship with your friends, I want a relationship with you." But that doesn't exclude the motive "I don't want you to have a support system enabling you to leave me (my control)." Since the two aren't mutually exclusive.

It's always hard because you should want to trust in your partner, but that leaves a massive vulnerability to things like manipulation and other abuses if (they get you to) trust them enough to abandon your other support systems.

However, a partner not being willing to try talk therapy (where they do hold confidentiality to a higher degree) is a pretty straight-forward sign about what their real concern is between the two.

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nothingisavailable0 t1_iud5vny wrote

LPT- Same as above, but if you have, go to a therapist. Any other person wouldn't see the problem from a neutral stand point and wouldn't help you to get out of it. Also, a therapist can't share whatever you tell them, while people will do it for fun.

Also, if the problem is abuse, cheating etc., tell it to literally everyone you know, and dump your partner's ass asap

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theycallmeick t1_iuc7pa0 wrote

Not a lot of people grasp this concept. On the other side of the spectrum of course you should be able to vent and seek advice, but as stated resolution isn’t always within the advice obtained. I can’t say how many times Ive heard friends make snarky comments about past issues when their friends decide to tie the knot. Or do anything together really. There are people out there that all they know of your relationship is what you’ve vented. They don’t know the intimate moments spent trying to mend an argument or disagreement. During your best moments it will always be “but he/she did this or that happened”

It’s always best to try to resolve issues internally and not risk having a vulture picking at every bump your relationship may hit. For some it’s jealousy for others it’s what gets them off and you’d be surprised how common that sinister trait is.

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kbyyru t1_iuc88xp wrote

exactly. like if i go to my friends about something they're gonna be biased towards me, because they're my friends

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FluorscopicFuck t1_iucxu3z wrote

I’m not dating someone’s friend group. If they start making group decisions about my personal life, I’m out of there.

I only date people who know who they are and what they want out of life anyways. They are secure in who they are, independent, and don’t need a friend’s advice to redefine or affirm aspects of their personality/behaviors.

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Eastcoasthairstylist t1_iudo5nk wrote

It is best not to share those problems unless you suspect you might be in an abusive relationship

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cucster t1_iuea8uq wrote

I avoid complaining about my SO to my friends and family. What happens is that they end up hearing your side of the story and creating a bad image of your SO which is biased because you (as is normal) tend to downplay all the bad things you do and ignore the good things your SO does. Because they are your friends and family and they love you they start resenting your SO when they should not. Just keep issues between you and your SO or/and a therapist, not other people and for the love of God not social media.

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NeedsMoreTuba t1_iuefxt4 wrote

Unless that relationship is abusive.

Then it's best to have as much evidence as possible. Trust me.

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PotatoHasAGun t1_iues8tp wrote

Agree with the exception of abuse and violence. You should tell anyone if you are suffering those things from your spouse

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FluorscopicFuck t1_iucxfen wrote

Hmmmm…. My cluster B Histrionic personality disorder high school girlfriend of two years holding council with her three best “Groofies” that also had personality disorders to discuss and pass judgement on every single aspect of our relationship. Even the intimate details. One time, the council decided that they were okay with cheating. I later found out she was making out with one of my classmates at laser tag over the weekend. Another time the council decided that her self harm was just something that would pass on it’s own and that she didn’t need to seek help or tell me about it. “I talked to my friends about it and they said it was okay. They didn’t think I needed to tell you”. Zero accountability. No thanks. Once she was involuntarily committed a few times, those “friends” disappeared. She was on the streets last I checked. Friends don’t always have your best interests at heart.

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SuperJewish t1_iudq965 wrote

It’s ok to keep issues private as long as it’s not abuse or other horrible behaviors. Usually couples work it out as long as the relationship isn’t broken. When dealing with horrible situations / relationships definitely seek outside help. I live by the adage publicly praise privately criticize. Basically don’t talk ship about your partner publicly because your peer group potentially will ruin the relationship by being cold to your partner. People pickup on vibes.

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zebrahdh t1_iue3trh wrote

Do not let your SO convince you that they are the only person you can talk to about issues. It’s controlling, egotistical, and it prepares people to have absolutely no one to turn to should their relationship not work out.

2

faderalngobbledygook t1_iued9ai wrote

I have a hard time with this advice. I grew up with it. You never talk about what happens in your home, with anyone outside your home. This advice benefits abusers. Without the perspective of someone outside, a person may not realize how toxic their relationship has become. I thought I had a difficult marriage, and after my ex had an affair, he agreed to counseling to try to save the marriage. A few weeks in, the therapist asked to meet with us individually. At my next appointment, she handed me information on legal aid, and instructions for filling a PFA in my state. It never occurred to me that what I endured wasn't normal. Maybe if I had been able to talk about it with others, I wouldn't have spent 17 years of my life in an abusive relationship.

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Se7enLC t1_iuf9qan wrote

#NO NO NO NO NO

Keep the abuse secret? Are you serious with this shit?

No. Long before you found this relationship you had your friends and family. They care about you. You should absolutely feel free to get outside opinions whenever you want. Relationships aren't perfect. Everyone knows this. But trying to keep everything a secret is a great way for things to get real fucked up.

If there's something about your relationship you feel like you can't tell your close friends or family you need to REALLY think about why that is.

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surfdad67 t1_iuflvt3 wrote

In the beginning of our relationship, my wife said “what we discuss in this room, never leaves” and it’s worked for us for 27 years so far

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Pale_Perception_4927 OP t1_iufsmxz wrote

Everyone’s situation is different and unique. What doesn’t work for one works for another relationship

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keepthetips t1_iuc4f77 wrote

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!

Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.

If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.

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MJohnVan t1_iuca85p wrote

People will bet how long you last. 2 months , 6 months. 2 years . Marriage is higher, because they know some people can’t commit.

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Delicious_Ad_3530 t1_iucrp1a wrote

If you are always bad mouthing your partner to your friends don't complain when your friends put no effort in talking to them at group events. They'd think they're a complete monster when they only been hearing the worst stuff while you're also emotionally fuelled and making sure you're not the bad guy/girl in the stories you tell

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ShibbiesClimax t1_iud04u6 wrote

Depends on what it is. Generally I’d say no though. If you’re more open about issues those issues are probably going to stop happening

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taurustravels t1_iudnanp wrote

Better to talk to a therapist than to vent to family

1

AGreenJacket t1_iudq3h3 wrote

This sounds like a terrible lpt. Could easily lead to some abusive situations

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AnonymousTowel t1_iudq46m wrote

*cough* r/relationship_advice *cough*

Seriously though. Some of the people there think that one bad argument with a SO is enough to warrant a separation.

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FrozenSquirrel t1_iue09kz wrote

One sentence in and you know it’s one of those “OP Got Burned” LPTs.

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trowawaywork t1_iueha4y wrote

I completely disagree. Never involve family, but do involve friends. Good friends will give you the courage for standing up for your boundaries and call you our when you are being unreasonable. They also always have unique advice to get unstuck from problems in a relationship. Having that additional support system for your relationship is a breath of fresh air, often more useful than relationship therapy itself, and the good news is that it's always there. My friends and I talk about our own difficulties in relationships during our weekly girls night. Seeing how other couples handle issues, and that everyone has their problems makes me appreciate my own relationship and gives me ideas for how to improve it.

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jroosvicee t1_iuekr9x wrote

I have friends for topics like that.

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Alex-infinitum t1_iuelyzk wrote

r/relationship_advice would like to have a word with you.

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nlamber5 t1_iuexmwj wrote

As a whole, people should share about the challenges the have faced in their relationship. It gives an unrealistic expectation for relationships otherwise

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rocharox t1_iuf39o3 wrote

Talk to a professional before involving friends

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leeannnorcal t1_iuf674f wrote

And for Gods Sake never never never talk about it with anyone who will not keep your secrets !!

1

OverPot t1_iufgoz8 wrote

Yeah no.... Talk about wherever you want and you should not keep secrets about things you don't like. Toxic people count in this.

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aim_so_far t1_iufiuar wrote

I think people need to be honest with themselves, are they looking for a genuine opinion on their issue, or are they merely looking for someone to agree with them and take their side.

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Pale_Perception_4927 OP t1_iuflphf wrote

I think having an honest view is the best. Sometimes having someone on your side is great, but it doesn’t really solve the problem at hand.

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withak30 t1_iufr5q2 wrote

I love concocting hilarious back stories for LPTs like this.

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TicklesPickles t1_iud589x wrote

ITT: people who didnt read the first line of the actual post

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Fun_Amount3063 t1_iud7mol wrote

People read it. It’s the second line that is cause for concern.

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TicklesPickles t1_iud7vw0 wrote

I mean, it certainly can be true. There are definitely vulturistic/opportunistic people who, when given insight into the pain points of someones relationship, might take advantage. I've seen it happen.

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Fun_Amount3063 t1_iud89l5 wrote

Yes it can happen but it’s statistically slim that your friends/family are actively trying to sabotage you and your romantic relationship.

Critical thought goes a long way.

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TicklesPickles t1_iud8gx9 wrote

Absolutely, thats where the friends you truly trust part comes in though. Thats the critical thought part. Some friends are good for sharing personal details with (in any capacity not just related to your relationship). Others well, aren't.

Edit: Also, idk about the part where OP says "dont understand" your relationship. Anyone who will cause an issue in your relationship in the way I am talking arent doing it because they dont understand. So idk what they mean by that.

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Fun_Amount3063 t1_iud9llp wrote

Look at you continuing to miss the cause of concern that has the comments going the way they are

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TicklesPickles t1_iud9xdy wrote

Are you one of those people that just likes to condescendingly argue with folks on the internet?

Edit: checked your post history and answered my own question, enjoy the rest of your day!

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