Are Rhode Islanders entitled?

Submitted by Loveroffinerthings t3_108q9b7 in RhodeIsland

After having lived and traveled all over, I get a sense that Rhode Islander’s might be a little entitled, and expect more from their fellow human. In driving, interactions in the stores, then I saw this poll that Newport RI is the second friendliest city in the country. I take great pride in doing things like holding doors, driving considerably, interacting with people in a civil manner etc. Is it just me, or do some old school and even transplant RI’ers act like we owe them the pleasure of being around them?

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plaverty9 t1_j3tyj0g wrote

Rhode Islanders: "F you! I'm friendly. Don't believe me, you can screw!"

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Loveroffinerthings OP t1_j3tzg9j wrote

Yes, this is how I feel that people act. Like if I hold the door for you out of kindness, you can say thank you, not smirk at me like I’m the doorman.

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melissafromtherivah t1_j3u67f4 wrote

Doing nice things for people with an expectation is really setting yourself up for disappointment. Just do it for your heart, it helps avoid the disappointment

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_CaesarAugustus_ t1_j414cjd wrote

Also, if you expect things from strangers because you did the bare minimum that might make you the entitled one in a weird way? It shouldn’t be transactional.

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derpbeluga t1_j3u3eut wrote

People do say thank you to me. If someone would ignore me or smirk at me like I'm the doorman I would say something passive aggressive like "You're welcome!".

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Loveroffinerthings OP t1_j3u4xkx wrote

100% I give them the ohhhh you’re welcome. Passive aggressive is a strong suit of mine

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cbri t1_j3uooxl wrote

You know the evil response to that is "I know", right? lol

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_CaesarAugustus_ t1_j415g19 wrote

Sounds like something I’d respond with depending on the tone of the other person.

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_CaesarAugustus_ t1_j413we1 wrote

There’s a really good post that explains this idea quite well. Nice vs Kind.

If you do kind things for people and expect something in return you’re going to have problems. You appear to fall right into the target of this post.

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Loveroffinerthings OP t1_j41ewvm wrote

I’ve read that before, and it is true, but nice vs kind is not the same as entitled. When people expect you to be doing something due to sense of entitlement, it’s beyond nice or kind.

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Mountain_Bill5743 t1_j3tyl41 wrote

I don't think so and I'm from a "friendly" (read: passive aggressive platitudes) state. Rhode Island circles are hard to break into because people already have their circles after decades, but the same could be said about moving to a small town in any "friendly" state. After many years of working with locals, I have much more of a dedicated community than I ever did in my home state (but admittedly, it is hard to make plans with someone who is always going to a second cousins first communion or providing childcare for extended family). I'm from a small family, so I have no experience with those dynamics.

This is going to be a hot take, but the real estate gold rush here is far more unfriendly and un-neighborly than anything I experienced in the past. Before I get dumped on for this, I don't mean mellow people looking for a home from other areas and finding their footing, but the "investors take note" type plugging in airbnbs, sitting on a house for a year without moving in and reselling for 100k profit, and flippers taking a starter home and increasing the price 5x after some new paint and appliances. Some of these are longterm locals, but I'd say many aren't and this profit-obsessed-type lacks investment in the community which, to me, is properly unfriendly.

I'd rather live next to someone who keeps to themselves in their home or than a vacant investment, airbnb, or construction site.

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Gsquzared t1_j3ts6dl wrote

No more than anyone else these days.

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Loveroffinerthings OP t1_j3tt6m7 wrote

That’s true, but I was just overseas and in different parts of the northeast and people were pleasant and nice.

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_CaesarAugustus_ t1_j41457p wrote

If you’re wandering through your life expecting something out of strangers then you’re going to be expecting for a long time.

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Loveroffinerthings OP t1_j41fii1 wrote

Maybe it’s because I’m from a small town, but even when living in major northeast cities, there wasn’t the same entitled vibe. I don’t expect people to do things for me, I actually have a low expectation of others doing things for me, but if I do something, it’s nice to be acknowledged, and not ignored. It doesn’t ruin my day/week/life but it does make me post things like this, where when I say people overseas or in other parts of the country do not act as entitled, Rhode Islanders down vote it.

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FoleyisGood t1_j3tv084 wrote

Non-native here - Rhode Islanders are not as friendly as they would like to think they are

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derpbeluga t1_j3u3jj9 wrote

I just moved here last year from down South. People ARE absolutely friendly in Rhode Island, but people are also real. There is no sugar coating, and I like it that way.

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mkmck t1_j3vvh19 wrote

A musician friend of mine from Texas said the same thing. He told me "I love you people from the Northeast, you're always direct and to the point. No guessing what you think needed".

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[deleted] t1_j3x14fn wrote

Rhode Islanders are kind but not nice, as contrasted to many other regions that are nice but not kind.

RIers will help you fix a flat tire while telling you that you were kinda dumb for letting the air get so low and damaging the tire.

People from the south or the west coast will tell you how horrible they feel for you and they hope it gets better, while driving past you and not helping you with the tire.

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seiyge t1_j3u4ec7 wrote

I would say we are a bit more abrasive than most…yet I do appreciate everyone calling everyone out on their bullshit to their face instead of being fake like many other places.

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krimsonkupkake t1_j4537sp wrote

number 1 thing I miss about RI, after moving away to Texas😮‍💨

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RandomChurn t1_j3vpicm wrote

>Are Rhode Islanders entitled?

Transplant here. No. Not in my experience. At all 🤷‍♀️

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[deleted] t1_j3x0qfv wrote

If you do the right thing with the expectation that others will fall over themselves to thank you, life will be disappointing.

If you do the right thing just because it is the right thing to do, life is better… and other people will be more likely do the right thing too, which means life becomes much better.

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ihavebigboobiezz t1_j3ushtv wrote

I’m not American but the one thing I do appreciate about Rhode Islanders that I really hated when I was in NYC is the aggressive niceness 😭

The culture shock of complete strangers coming up to you mad as hell to help you and then leaving without a word is something I will never get used to. The paradox of someone silently giving you the evil eye while helping you and then walking away without a word is terrifying, lmao. I’m actually kind of glad Rhode Islanders don’t do stuff like that.

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ncastleJC t1_j3w6p18 wrote

If you have good human qualities you will always be attractive to others.

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Loveroffinerthings OP t1_j3wrqc8 wrote

I mean, holding the door for ppl, letting them get ahead of you in line at the grocery store if you have 83 items and they have 2, letting ppl be a few minutes late to strict appointment times, donating my time and money to charities, I’d say my karma is pretty high. What my post is about, is ppl taking that for granted. I donated about $1000 to a local PVD charity, and didn’t get an acknowledgment, only a letter for tax purposes. I don’t donate for attaboys, but it would be nice to know that the charity received the funds, not just ignore it. In my business, my time is money, so when we say please arrive at 10am, and it’s 10:05 and we send a message asking where you are, you shouldn’t say, just leaving, be there in 10 minutes. Maybe I’m just too high strung in my platitudes about being a genuine nice person, that I feel others should reciprocate.

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gsharkyjy t1_j3xifrx wrote

Why are you entitled to others being nice to you? It goes both ways

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Loveroffinerthings OP t1_j3xkhjk wrote

No, if someone is kind, you as a decent human should acknowledge it, but you are showing how some think, that’s clear.

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MediaCrisis t1_j3xgpso wrote

Transplant, but I've been here off and on since 04. I wouldn't describe the vibe as entitled so much as tribal. In my experience, the northeast in general is less surface level pleasant, but kinder when it matters.

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Proof-Variation7005 t1_j3whi0p wrote

In reading the comments, really the only specific thing I'm seeing is people not verbally saying "thank you" for you holding a door and I'm wondering why you can't just use a sarcastic "you're welcome!" like a normal person?

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Loveroffinerthings OP t1_j3wrxy0 wrote

I wrote a bunch of examples in a reply above just now, it’s not just a thank you or not.

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Beezlegrunk t1_j3wnsbx wrote

If you mean the libertarian sense of entitlement — that people can do whatever they want, and nobody else should say anything about it, then yes — and the comments on this sub regularly express / defend that perspective. It’s particularly intense in Providence, but hardly limited to the city …

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Loveroffinerthings OP t1_j3wsf4w wrote

It’s not really about people doing what they want, it’s thinking that what I’m doing as a nicety, should be expected from me. That’s why I use the holding the door example, because I could be a self absorbed dick and let the door close in their face, but I don’t, then to be ignored for holding up my day, even if for 5 seconds, is the entitlement. I’m all for people doing what they want as long as it’s civil and doesn’t harm others.

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Beezlegrunk t1_j3wspsk wrote

You're entitled to your view of entitlement, and I'm entitled to mine ...

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_CaesarAugustus_ t1_j424pnn wrote

The blind entitlement OP is showing by telling people that they owe them something because they did the barest minimum is wild. I’ll take kind people over this type of “nice” person that expects something from those they’ve deigned to be nice to.

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isseric t1_j414whu wrote

So I’m a Florida transplant to Rhode Island and my take is Rhode Island is actually Hobbiton. Rhode Islander, aka hobbits, just want to be left to their simple pleasures and don’t like outsiders mucking up their pleasures. But overall once they realize you’re not their to cause them harm or ruin their peaceful lives they bring you in with open arms and are incredibly friendly.

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TheGreyVicinity t1_j3ud68f wrote

Most strangers are nice. However, I’ve lived here for 6 months and have made 0 friends. None. I’ve gone to bars by myself plenty of times before and have easily met people who I ended up being really good friends with. More people go out in big ass groups here so it’s hard to do that. I’ve gone out maybe 4 times in 6 months.

Driving wise, they’re too nice. I’m from Dallas so I’m a pretty defensive driver…. I’m always prepared for someone to be an asshole on the road. But people let me merge, turn left, etc.. it’s weird to me since everyone in Dallas drives like hell.

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RandomChurn t1_j3vp83s wrote

I moved here on my own from elsewhere too (decades ago). So you struck a chord: sorry you haven't connected with anyone yet. m

For me what worked was a chance encounter at a laundromat; got talking with someone else doing their laundry and bingo! Had some interests in common and through him I met a pretty large friend group / community. He was a multi-gen native Rhode Islander.

That's the thing here: because "everyone knows everyone" once you make one connection, it can lead to more.

Nobody seems to frequent laundromats like they used to. So, how about checking out the r/CozyRhody crew?

That got started by a RI newcomer during the pandemic to make friends while cleaning up trash (literally) -- they've posted pics a few times. They seem like a friendly bunch. Again, all you need sometimes is a start.

Good luck 🍀

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idkwhatimdoing25 t1_j3xom0s wrote

I also moved here from Dallas! Making that first friend is a real challenge but once you do, suddenly you've got a million friends and you'll never have a shortage of people to hangout with. For me I met my first friend by taking my dog to brewery - my dog and their dog became friends so we started chatting and suddenly I'm invited to the bar the next night and was part of their group from that day forward. I've found people here don't talk to strangers unless they have a legitimate reason to. But once you find that reason they'll talk your ear off about everything under the sun lol

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New_Analyst3510 t1_j3vg3sy wrote

I think that depends on where you are, due to my definition of entitled I would say that the Richer areas are entitled my favorite chill areas where I won't get mugged Richmond hopkinton those guys are pretty chill at least in my own experience some of the city folk are chill too but depends on the area can get pretty dangerous at least by New England standards and also I'm biased since I grew up in the boonies

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[deleted] t1_j3xl47t wrote

New England has generally the lowest violent crime rates (by far) in the USA and RI is one of the five safest states. Providence, Boston, Hartford, etc. are only “dangerous” relative to other places in New England ona per capita basis. They’d be some of the safest areas by far in higher crime states like Louisiana, Texas, Georgia or Florida.

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New_Analyst3510 t1_j3xwunh wrote

Not Hartford, Hartford and New Haven are in the top 30 most violent in America

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[deleted] t1_j3xxipu wrote

You’re talking about large cities. Per capita, large cities are still safer than large swathes of America.

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New_Analyst3510 t1_j3y1s73 wrote

Yes per capita smaller areas have a higher murder rate

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[deleted] t1_j3y21bl wrote

Rural areas in other parts of the country have some of the worst per capita violent crime, especially related to the drug and human trafficking trades. It’s scary!

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New_Analyst3510 t1_j3yk8h5 wrote

Have you seen my people's land, I'm indigenous and I'm talking about Native American reservations

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newtoRI22 t1_j3wz58n wrote

Regarding driving: no. I’ve just moved to the area. Never have I encountered so many people trying to let me into traffic when they actually have the right of way.

I wish people wouldn’t try to be “polite” about this stuff as I actually think it’s more dangerous. Pulling out of a parking lot the other day and traffic stopped in both directions to let me out. Stop stopping and just drive!

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Loveroffinerthings OP t1_j3x5dty wrote

That’s true, it’s dangerous the way some stop. That merge in 37 in Cranston where they replaced the bridge has a stop sign now, it’s been about 4 times I’ve been stopped waiting for clear traffic and people will come to a stop to let me in. Coming to a stop there is crazy dangerous, not sure where that was taught in drivers Ed, but it is common to hold up a line of traffic to let one person go.

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idkwhatimdoing25 t1_j3xnvwg wrote

Out of curiosity - where have you lived before that you think is better? I have lived in multiple parts of the US and find RI to be no more or less friendly as a whole. Every part of the country may have a different style of friendly, but people are people no matter where you go. Some places value pleasantries, other places value kind actions. RI is an action state. People in RI might give you shit but they'll say exactly what they mean and they'll say it to your face whereas in other places people are still thinking the same things, they'll just wait til you leave to gossip about it. Also people in RI always seem to go out of their way for others - either to insult them or to help them lol. I've never had neighbors that would just walk up and help me with a house project or snowblow my driveway without me even asking, until I lived in RI. Those same neighbors will also yell at me to roll my trash/recycling bins back in not even 10 mins after the trash truck comes by or honk at me on the highway if I'm going too slow.

Personally, I prefer RI's brand of up front honesty over people who are kind to your face but shit talk you behind your back. But to each their own.

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Loveroffinerthings OP t1_j3yv049 wrote

I’ve lived all over the northeast, down into DC metro, Florida, mid-west, and Mountain West. I get that people in the northeast are more direct, but that’s not the sense of entitlement I’m talking about. It the “you should be doing XXX for me because I feel important”. You mention the snow blowing, last year I shoveled out my neighbors drive twice, they saw me, and said nothing, even when we had that blizzard. RI is not like any other place that I’ve lived, not even other parts of the Northeast, like Vermont.

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CoffeeHarvester t1_j3vt7bh wrote

Maybe but only because RI is like Massachusetts Jr. in some ways. I've lived in both and also lived in the PNW and the Midwest and Massachusetts people have a more heightened sense of importance, which is different than being self entitled but it's similar enough.

The only way to know is to really live it. People in MA think Boston is a perfect city with no problems and the state as a whole just has the whole world figured out.

The state government is like that too. Massachusetts does things that literally no other states do, and other states do better and more simplified but MA has to have their own way. Moving out of MA is seen as a spit in the face too.

If RI is like that, it's not as bad as the Bay State neighbors.

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Null_Error7 t1_j3xylzl wrote

I think you’re misunderstanding friendly vs entitled

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Stoicdadman t1_j3ttui6 wrote

There is NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, more difficult to deal with than a Rhode Island native with a sense of entitlement.

That said, I still find the majority to be good. I love it here.

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Loveroffinerthings OP t1_j3tzt58 wrote

I love RI, but it just seems sometimes that people act privileged, be it in traffic or in person. It’s usually a native RI’er when it’s in person. Traffic it can be RI or CT plates 😂

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BingBong022 t1_j3tzy4d wrote

Unfortunately we have not evolved far elong yet, as a species we are still aggressive, and view anyone we don't recognize as a potential threat in some way

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