Submitted by AliciaWrites t3_11n2zms in WritingPrompts
Blu_Spirit t1_jc51nx0 wrote
Reply to comment by ZachTheLitchKing in [TT] Theme Thursday - Journalism by AliciaWrites
Zach,
Glad to see a bit more of Bea here, getting her hands dirty! I love how we see her willingness to do some dirty work, especially for what she deems as a pretty decent payment.
Only a tiny, tiny crit here.
>Bea opened the dumpster and quickly stepped back, not believing the smell could get much worse but it found a way. Bea had not been dumpster diving before today and after this she knew she was going to update her Fiverr profile to exclude this specific activity.
Instead of repeating dumpster twice, maybe describe the black heavy lid, then the smell, then the dumpster diving. Just to break up how often the word dumpster is used. Also, the mention of what the client paid felt like an afterthought. Maybe have it more towards the beginning as a reason Bea agreed to dumpster dive for this job.
I absolutely adore her internal pun at the end of this story, as well.
ZachTheLitchKing t1_jc6h8tj wrote
Hi Blu!
Excellent suggestion; I flipped that structure around like you recommended :) I'm definitely going to start re-reading after significant edits/cuts (that word limit is a cruel mistress xD) It reads much better now IMO.
I'm so glad that you're enjoying Bea showing up ^u^ Expect tons more of her :P
Blu_Spirit t1_jc892cl wrote
Glad I was able to help! Keep up the good work.
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