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ZachTheLitchKing t1_jboshqw wrote

"Okay Bea, you can do this," she said, trying to psyche herself up for the absolute worst part of her job. A journalist sometimes required doing things that were unseemly, disgusting, or even illegal, which was why they hired out work to freelancers like Bea. She wondered how much legwork they actually did before they made enough to hire out the dirty work.

Bea opened the dumpster and quickly stepped back, not believing the smell could be that bad. She had not been dumpster diving before today and the offer had been pretty damn generous on paper; five hundred dollars was hard to turn down. But after this she knew she was going to update her Fiverr profile to exclude this specific activity.

The first part of the job was just to hang out near the hotel where some guy was staying at. Bea did not know his name but the email had come with a picture of his face and that was all Bea needed. The second part was to make sure the guy was actually staying at the hotel and Bea had taken inspiration from one of her favorite spy novels about how to do that; she'd printed out the picture and went up to the front desk of the hotel, asking about a room and showed the picture, saying she had a restraining order against him and wanted to know if he was here before booking. The young man behind the counter said something about privacy concerns but also said that she might be more comfortable seeking other accommodations with a sincere nod. Bea took that as confirmation.

The third and final task was to wait for trash to come out of the hotel and look through it for anything that might incriminate him. The sun was hidden behind the horizon at this point as she looked inside the dumpster, holding her breath against the stench, and winced at the idea of climbing into it. There was so much garbage, and she had no way of knowing which of it was his.

Bea donned a pair of gloves and a long sleeved T-shirt, which she tucked into the gloves and into her jeans. The less she touched anything the better. After climbing in, she began to rummage round and decided that she was definitely going to exclude dumpster diving from all future gigs. She was already well seasoned in filth so she was going to finish this one but never again.

After almost an hour, and after scattering garbage all over the alley, Bea left and tried not to gag at the stench clinging to her clothes. She would need to burn all of it and take a bath in battery acid or something. While walking away she texted the client and let them know that she could find nothing; the guy was clean.

At least one of us is. she thought wryly.

---------------
WC: 486
r/TomesOfTheLitchKing
Edited for crit feedback

Revised Version

4

FyeNite t1_jc4gam2 wrote

Hey Zach!

Ooh, an interesting story here. I liked the personality you gave Bea here. The derision and annoyance she felt whilst doing all of this. She hasn't given up or anything, just feels like she needs to wade through this garbage before she can get out and do some proper work.

Also, something else I noticed. You use the name Bea a lot in your stories. Are these all interconnected by any chance? All the same character going through different bits of life? Or do you just really like the name, Bea, lol?

Just curious.

I do have a few bits and bobs for you though,

> Bea opened the dumpster and quickly stepped back, not believing the smell could get much worse but it found a way.

This bit read a bit awkwardly to me. You didn't describe the smell before this, so it seemed like you mentioned it was bad, and then in the same sentence it got worse? Not too sure.

> The offer that the client had made had been pretty damn generous on paper; five hundred dollars was hard to turn down.

So this felt like a bit of a contradiction. Before this, she swears off doing these kinds of jobs again, but then she thinks about how much money there is with no connecting thought. I hope that makes sense.

> Bea had no idea his name

"Bea didn't know his name" might read better. But you could probably come up with something better.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

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ZachTheLitchKing t1_jc4vphx wrote

Hi Fye!

Thanks for all the valuable feedback :D Your points all made sense and pointed out some areas I thought I'd tweaked but apparent hadn't xD This was fairly long and I needed to do a lot of cutting down >< Always nice to have another set of eyes look it over though and I touched things up where you noted.

As for Bea, I use her a lot because she is a character I've used for years at this point. She's sort of transcended the details of her original story and is now a reliable and fun personality that I enjoy writing with. Broadly speaking, I would say that any given instance of Bea could be imagined as a snippet of life with any other instance, but I don't really stress too much about continuity there. She also appears in very different genres and time periods now and then :)

I'm glad you liked the short and I'm glad you're liking Bea :D

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Blu_Spirit t1_jc51nx0 wrote

Zach,

Glad to see a bit more of Bea here, getting her hands dirty! I love how we see her willingness to do some dirty work, especially for what she deems as a pretty decent payment.

Only a tiny, tiny crit here.

>Bea opened the dumpster and quickly stepped back, not believing the smell could get much worse but it found a way. Bea had not been dumpster diving before today and after this she knew she was going to update her Fiverr profile to exclude this specific activity.

Instead of repeating dumpster twice, maybe describe the black heavy lid, then the smell, then the dumpster diving. Just to break up how often the word dumpster is used. Also, the mention of what the client paid felt like an afterthought. Maybe have it more towards the beginning as a reason Bea agreed to dumpster dive for this job.

I absolutely adore her internal pun at the end of this story, as well.

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ZachTheLitchKing t1_jc6h8tj wrote

Hi Blu!

Excellent suggestion; I flipped that structure around like you recommended :) I'm definitely going to start re-reading after significant edits/cuts (that word limit is a cruel mistress xD) It reads much better now IMO.

I'm so glad that you're enjoying Bea showing up ^u^ Expect tons more of her :P

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Blu_Spirit t1_jc892cl wrote

Glad I was able to help! Keep up the good work.

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