“Welcome to Point Squared, the news debate show where the points are pointed. I’m your host, Samantha Stellen.” She paused, flashing a too-bright grin. “Tonight’s topic, the imminent destruction of Earth by the Kordrathi warfleet… Or is it imminent?”

Samantha turned to a distinguished white haired gentleman seated at the table beside her. “We’re honored to have NASA’s Dr. Morris Exemplarre with us tonight.”

He nodded curtly.

"And once again joining us remotely, is Will Fükkus of the ‘Kordrathi Are Kewl Alliance’, a disgraced former pig farmer from—”

“It was never proven that I was sellin’ monkey meat!” Will interjected.

“Right… Mr. Fükkus, what is the K.A.K.A. view on this alleged imminent 'destruction'?”

“Ain’t happenin’! The Kordrathi are super chill, just here on vacation.”

“Well, smaller attacks already have wiped out 20% of Earth’s population, but… a fascinating take! And doctor, your team was the first to communicate with the Kordrathi two years ago. Your counterpoint?”

“As always, K.A.K.A. is bullshit,” Morris said simply, too exhausted for intonation. “The Kordrathi are not inherently violent, but humanity squandered every chance at diplomacy, and now... we’re screwed.”

Samantha was a well-seasoned host, adept at guiding wayward guests back onto the rails, but even she was taken aback. “Pardon me?”

“In our first communications, the Kordrathi offered a non-aggression pact, so we asked the public—begged them!—to remain peaceful.” Morris stared into the camera. “And what’d you morons do? You shot at the first Kordrathi diplomatic craft to enter our atmosphere. With… guns, nailguns, fireworks—”

“As was their constitutional right!” Will interjected.

“In what section of the constitution is the right to 'shoot fireworks at aliens' written?”

“Uhhhhrmmm, Exodus? Probably?”

“Great. Brilliant stuff as always.” Morris sighed. “The world chose to believe K.A.K.A., and now, we’re going to suffer the consequences.”

Samantha fidgeted nervously. “Doctor, you’ve always evoked a hopeful tone, are you saying—”

“Who cares what he says! Look, I’m goin’ out to meet the Kordrathi Party Fleet when it arrives, and everyone else should—”

“Oh, shut up, Mr. Fükkus!” Samantha yelled.

Unused to pushback, Will fell silent.

“Doctor, there may be a viewer out there willing to listen, so, understanding there are no good options at this point, what pragmatic steps could you advise?”

Morris smiled wanly. “If you've constructed a bunker, as advised, get yourself and your loved ones inside now. If you didn’t, shelter in a basement, cave, or any underground location you can. If you survive the initial bombardment and encounter Kordrathi soldiers in the weeks to come, shout ‘Kavlak’, it translates roughly to asking for forgiveness.”

Samantha nodded solemnly. “Thank you, Doctor. Now, Will—”

“Hooooooold up,” Will said, “got a knock at my door.”

Will stood, opened his door, and vaporized as rippling waves of green energy passed through his body. A little gray alien holding a raygun strode into his room and peered curiously into the camera.

“Well, then,” Samantha muttered, “I’d call this debate settled.”