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UnpluggedMaestro t1_j1tc45p wrote

Reply to comment by turnaround0101 in [WP] You died and awoke in the afterlife. It's quite nice actually. The people and atmosphere are a lot nicer than you are used to and there is no stress or pressure. When you ask what good deed got you into heaven you are informed that this is hell, followed by a visit from a very concerned demon. by Kitty_Fuchs

I don’t actually understand this… can someone explain pretty please?

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ricecake t1_j1tex6u wrote

They didn't fit in in social settings. Their personal hell was being in a nice place where people are together and happy, and they're just not part of it. There, but separate. Lonely.

I'm guessing that their mistake that they needed to fix was that they never took a chance on trying to connect with the person who was kind to them.

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Willsgb t1_j1uzce0 wrote

True loneliness. Surrounded by people, a world going on around you, yet the feeling of being profoundly disconnected and other.

This prompt, and that beautifully written chapter, have brought me half to tears. The way death just vanishes as soon as he admits the truth of his hell cut me as well.

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disfreakinguy t1_j1vklzg wrote

Being in a wheelchair has introduced me to this, I haven't ever felt like this before.

Everyone's lives keep going. I'm surrounded by others living, working... moving. I don't. Even when I'm in the company of friends, I feel alone. The only interactions I have with strangers now are pitying glances and offers of help. My wife switches from angry to sad to frustrated. My kids are sad and frustrated. My friends have either disappeared or focus entirely on trying to help me, not just be my friend.

I hate this so much. I'm in hell right now.

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newnotapi t1_j1w11lm wrote

I mean, I am sitting here in a wheelchair myself, and this is not how my life has gone. I have friends, some of whom are also disabled, and they do not do that to me. When I still worked in an office, my officemates would wheel me around really fast in the parking lot for fun, and we'd get in trouble for having races in the halls.

All this isn't to boast, it's to say that it's not the wheelchair that is doing this. This is a fixable problem. You may need new friends, you may need counseling with your wife, but there are people out there who will not treat you like that. Also, people may be responding more to how you feel about yourself than about the wheelchair.

I also had a period of time where I felt extremely depressed about my health and pain and the reasons for being in a wheelchair. I ended up in a psychiatric hospital, it was so bad. Therapy helps, forcing yourself to think differently about it and take different actions helps. Medications also can help. You owe it to yourself to try a different way.

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disfreakinguy t1_j1w312h wrote

I'm fairly recently wheelchair bound. I'm also separating myself from a toxic group of friends quite successfully, I just thought a few of them would support me, I was wrong. I'm dealing with it, I'll get over it, it's just that the sting is very new still. I thought a few dudes still had my back. They did not. Oh well, the ones I've got left are doing their best. We'll get there, I'm not mad at them it's just tough when your buddies spend the whole time they're at

My wife and I talk a lot. It's getting better, she didn't even realize she was acting this way. We talk most nights about what we can do to fix it and it's getting better. She is just struggling, she's used to me being strong, healthy and active. Now I'm in pain all the time, cold all the time, and my body isn't working right. It's a big shift - we've been together 15 years so it's a change that will take getting used to. We'll get there, the kids... I can't blame them. We'll work on it.

My care team royally fucked up. This didn't have to happen, but it did. We are getting through it, but it's our first Xmas with me fucked up and it's HARD. Especially without my parents. Things are shit right now. They'll get better. I'm fueled by spite and I have plenty to be angry about, but I'm not giving up. Not for me. For my kids. I may not walk them down the the aisle, I may not stand up to dance, but I'm going to learn to dance in this fucking chair. I'm going to roll them down the aisle. I'm going to love them. Even if I hate what my personal situation is.

Thank you for being kind.

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TheCaliforniaOp t1_j1w6uub wrote

u/disfreakinguy :

This may sound odd. But is there any chance volunteering at a parrot sanctuary or rescue might help? Because they are often lost between the life they knew and the next life they decide to choose and trust.

They saved me. It’s not easy with parrots. It’s patient, polite taming between two cautious species.

The wheelchair is the elephant in the room right now, and I apologize because I don’t mean that in a hurtful way. I mean it as “it’s apparently what everyone is getting caught up by.”

It won’t disappear. But it will shrink to its actual size.

I’ve not been in a wheelchair, but I’ve worn a fair amount of orthopedic leg gear.

The wheelchair will startle some of the parrots, if the chair comes up too close and fast to them. So the very thing that is the most agonizing is the thing one has to negotiate with the parrots about.

Once they get a chance to examine the chair and the human sitting in it, while feeling safe during this examination, this is what they’ll see:

“Finally a person who sits down and lets me come to them instead of just rushing over and jamming their hand under my toes, so suddenly I lose my balance! I could approach this person. Or they could approach me and just sit and talk, then listen to me.”

If a parrot is higher than you, don’t ever reach up unless you know for certain that bird wants to walk down your arm.

It’s better to let it come down and be at your level.

Or have it walk over and climb up to you.

But often there are caged parrots who can’t be let out because they’re too angry/traumatized, or they’ve been abused, or they’re disabled by broken body parts, and so they tend bite people, hard. Or they get bitten because they rush to another parrot for contact, so they have to be protected from themselves. They’re just so damn lonely.

And there’s not enough time for them. Too many parrots for too few people in the rescue/sanctuary.

For someone to sit even three feet away and then talk to them would be like a dream they never would dare expect to come true.

At the very least, it’s something different to do in a day. Just remember to keep your movements and voice calm, secure, not sudden, and it also helps not to stare at them.

Three-quarter face. Slow blinks. Humming. Whistling. Singing bits of song. Just holding a conversation about whatever comes to mind: “So, what do you think about the latest released information on UFOs?”

I didn’t mean to offend anyone. I hope this doesn’t come across as a r/thanksimcured toss-off. It’s truly and sincerely meant, and I hope very much that if not this, you find something else that gives you some ease and happiness.

Good luck and best wishes, always ♥️🍀🎶🌠

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disfreakinguy t1_j1wa0va wrote

Unfortunately the parrot sanctuary near me closed this month. There's one the next state over, but that's too far. Thank you for being kind.

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Willsgb t1_j23g97f wrote

I'm really sorry to hear that mate. My only suggestion is perhaps this might be everyone adjusting to this new situation. And even if not, things might change in future. But I hope that things and relationships with friends and family improve again for you.

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MumblyBoiBand t1_j1v285z wrote

There’s no way that’s as bad as being skinned alive and covered with salt or something.

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FlipskiZ t1_j1v5cco wrote

The point of the hell was for the person to learn something in order to move on. If there was nothing to be learned from being skinned alive, then it wouldn't happen to you. As far as I understood it.

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justanotherguyhere16 t1_j1v5i8k wrote

To quote the movie ‘Love Actually’ “What could be worse than the agony of being in love?”

  • especially if that love is not returned.
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wiqr t1_j1tf2rg wrote

The way I understand it, the man in the story is someone who'd consider himself a misfit. Someone socially awkward and poorly adapted. He's stuck in a situation he finds uncomfortable. This is compounded by presence of the girl that Death appeared as - possibly someone close to the protagonist, but the way it is worded suggests that the feeling wasn't mutual. Or that the man never really mustered the courage to put his feelings into words, and just put himself down, and eventually convinced himself that there were no feelings whatsoever.

Imagine yourself being stuck in a vague memory of the most awkward situation you have ever been.

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nomadwannabe t1_j1td94z wrote

Me also. It’s beautifully written but I can’t quite grasp what’s happening.

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tartufu t1_j1tfh87 wrote

I’m thinking the person was wired so differently that he could never understand or feel joy. But he likes to sit at the coffeeshop sometimes to see how people around him could do normal things and feel joy.

In his personal hell, he has to sit at the coffeeshop and be constantly reminded he’s not normal.

And this is a super dark thought, but he might have done something to the barista who was kind to him. And now he has to live with it

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nomadwannabe t1_j1u6tbj wrote

Interesting add about the girl. Thank you for explaining!

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Korthalion t1_j1thgv6 wrote

It's a kind of pain those of us that struggle to fit in can inflict upon ourselves. To sit somewhere 'normal' as a self-perceived outsider, and watch everybody else go about a life you can never have. I'd almost call it wistful, yet melancholy.

Enjoying coffee with a friend, perhaps going on a lunch date with someone you're getting to know, these things are very rare or simply don't happen for some people, for a variety of reasons.

I think that's what makes this story so well-written: it's open-ended as to why the protagonist feels this way, and so a greater variety of readers can connect and self-insert. For me it's Aspergers.

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nomadwannabe t1_j1u6qmy wrote

Thank you for explaining that to me; that makes sense.

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Starrion t1_j1uzt68 wrote

I get it. And that’s amazing. It took five read through msg to understand, they cannot connect. The nice atmosphere, people relaxing, open clean space, they are alone and in a personal trap of isolation that they cannot understand or overcome. And it’s hell for them. And the way it’s written the reader experiences the apartness and confusion. Well done

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WhiskeredWolf t1_j1uxt4g wrote

I didn’t see anyone mention it yet, but the facelessness of all the people might point to the protagonist having a hard time reading faces. That’s what it feels like sometimes. Like that couple that came in together - you can see that they’re probably affectionate with each other, but not much else.

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