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digitalthiccness t1_it6zkzr wrote

> I have therapy today but I don’t know how effective that’s ultimately going to be

I'd just focus on that for now. Talk to your therapist about it. It sounds like this is probably a mental health issue that this subreddit isn't qualified to deal with.

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it6zppo wrote

thank you. With these posts what you tend to get a lot of is the assumption that you're just not reading the right stuff, I can't read anything enjoyably

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J-blues t1_it703ux wrote

Maybe don’t read? Only seems to impact you negatively

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it708zz wrote

I will do that but I want to read eventually. It's the one human feat that I can't seem to do and it's so essential to living a fulfilling life

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J-blues t1_it70rxa wrote

I feel you’re building reading up to be something it’s not, it’s just entertainment. It’s the same as music or film. If you don’t like it don’t force yourself.

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[deleted] t1_it74xs9 wrote

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ProfessorAlive1360 t1_it75r0b wrote

That doesn’t mean that literacy isn’t incredibly important, it just means that reading for enjoyment is not necessary. If you don’t like reading a novel, then don’t. There is enough other stuff to be read.

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Humble_Draw9974 t1_it779mr wrote

It really depends on what you’re reading here. Reading VC Andrews all day doesn’t make anyone an intellectual, although it can be entertaining.

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[deleted] t1_it77zje wrote

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Humble_Draw9974 t1_it7opai wrote

I meant books in general aren’t intellectual. They vary.

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[deleted] t1_it9gw2r wrote

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Humble_Draw9974 t1_it9xo2z wrote

I just think the idea that reading is intellectual and not entertainment is harmful to literacy.

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HoneyWhistle t1_it70wii wrote

Uh I'd tone it down a few notches there bud

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it71js6 wrote

Have you ever had moments where you just couldn't read?

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HoneyWhistle t1_it71uvg wrote

Yup.

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it72d9g wrote

I feel like I never don't have those moments. Thinks it's mental issues

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HoneyWhistle t1_it72jy0 wrote

No duh, but no one here has the ability to help you other than to direct you to the therapy you already are getting

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digitalthiccness t1_it71y37 wrote

But it's one human feat they can't do! They've been to the moon, swum the English Channel, skied down Mt. Everest, invented cures for diseases, took home gold at the Olympics, written the Great American Novel, and gone triple platinum with their debut album, but reading Goosebumps simply eludes them. It's maddening!

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Timely-Huckleberry73 t1_it70wnx wrote

Hey it’s hard to give advice without knowing more details about how exactly reading triggers you. But the sentence “I’m not even sure if my inner voice is there reading along” sounds like possible ocd to me? If so, recovering from ocd always comes down to resisting compulsions. You need to identify the compulsive urges you have while reading, and resist! (For example checking to see whether or not your inner voice is present could be a compulsion) It may be anxiety provoking, it may be uncomfortable, it may ruin reading for you (in the short term) but in the long term it is the only way you can overcome this. And if I am mistaken and this is not ocd related then I apologize, it is quite difficult to give advice based on the limited info you have provided. But I am sorry to hear you are struggling and I hope you can overcome this.

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it71qot wrote

It's most likely OCD. I have many disorders any OCD is one of them.

Thanks for the support. I've been struggling with reading related issues for around 3 years now

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Timely-Huckleberry73 t1_it72kxf wrote

I can’t really read anymore either, due to brain fog/fatigue in my case. I also struggle with ocd, though it does not impact my reading directly. Is the therapist you are seeing an ocd specialist who practices ERP? Most therapists do not understand ocd very well and are usually little help and sometimes make it worse. Someone who specializes in OCD and who practices ERP is essential if OCD is one of your major issues.

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it73525 wrote

It's only my second session with her and I'm not completely sure on her specializations

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Timely-Huckleberry73 t1_it745xr wrote

Ok no worries. Even if she doesn’t specialize in that she can maybe help you with other things. I hope she does.

How educated are you about ocd and exposure and response prevention (ERP)? The first step towards breaking the cycle is having a good understanding of it and knowing what to do (and what not to do) to get better. I’m sorry if I am giving too much advice and feel free to disregard, but I know firsthand that persistent application of ERP principles can make an enormous difference in ocd symptoms. It can get better! ERP is the only evidence based treatment for OCD and if applied consistently is virtually guaranteed to reduce the severity of the condition. I would recommend doing some reading on it if it is not already something you are well versed in.

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it74rb5 wrote

I have read up on ocd but I didn’t think it was such a major issue until recently

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Timely-Huckleberry73 t1_it757e6 wrote

Ya it can be very insidious and have major impacts on our thinking and behaviour without us even realizing it. It also tends to be fairly Comorbid with tic disorders.

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it75pcu wrote

I’ve heard that. I basically have all of the Comprbidies for tics: ADHD, autism, ocd, stress, anxiety

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Timely-Huckleberry73 t1_it76fwo wrote

Sounds rough, I feel for you. I hope your therapist is of help. If you ever need advice with regards to the ocd, feel free to message me. There are also some knowledgeable people at the r/ocd who might be able to offer advice and support if you find yourself in need of it.

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hepzibah59 t1_it71kzq wrote

Have you tried reading on a Kindle? I rarely read a paper book now since I got my kindle. It makes the reading experience so much easier not having to struggle with small print or large books.

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it72jk4 wrote

I used to read kindle a lot. I have moments, especially on kindle, where my reading is perfectly ok; but it inevitably spirals into not great

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bofh000 t1_it740e7 wrote

I think you need to trust your therapist and work with them.

The tics you mention most likely have very little if not zero to do with reading in itself. They usually come out when you are doing something that you concentrate on, so you are unable to consciously control the tics. Unless they are literally, physically harmful to you, they are not a serious issue.

I can’t imagine how reading could’ve sparked your mental problems - other than maybe giving you the knowledge, vocabulary and insightfulness to recognize, analyze and name those issues in yourself.

But as other commenters have said: it’s really difficult to understand what’s happening to you from one post on Reddit. Work with your therapist as a team and let them help you. Try to not close up to the idea that it will help, even if it’s not apparent from the beginning.

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it74myi wrote

Reading might not directly be the source but it’s certainly triggered my issues

Thank you though and I will work with my therapist

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bofh000 t1_it7gm2s wrote

Could you provide some details on how that happened? I’m hope my question doesn’t sound confrontational to you, I am genuinely interested, as for me reading has always been the balm and support my mental state needed.

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it7mb6a wrote

I only wish reading could be my balm but it's the complete opposite for me. I started reading very actively around 2019 (I was 19) and it wasn't a smooth process but I assumed it would cease to be an issue the more I read.

Then 2020 I had same issues but still assumed it wasn't major. similar issues here with my mind and the words just not flowing smoothly

2021 was when my tics started when I read and I started to become more active with mending this issue and stopped assuming it would no longer be an issue

I have adhd, ocd and anxiety and I presume these contribute to the problem

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bofh000 t1_it7glnd wrote

Could you provide some details on how that happened? I’m hope my question doesn’t sound confrontational to you, I am genuinely interested, as for me reading has always been the balm and support my mental state needed.

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kaysn t1_it74nhk wrote

This is really something you should tell your therapist. And work with them to get you to a better headspace.

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it74th8 wrote

Thank you. This seems to be a sort of rare issue but few people are talking about it or relating

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Snoo57923 t1_it79cua wrote

A lot of us have the reading issue that you describe even in this books forum where readers congregate. Sometimes I can read very well and fast and sometimes I read two sentences and my mind wanders off. I say to myself, maybe tomorrow will be a better day for reading. Sometimes this goes on for a week or two. It's what make me me. I don't envy other people's reading abilities. I'm happy just the way I am. It's your reaction to the issue that is causing you anxiety. I'm not a mental health expert by any means, but I'd imagine that your therapist is not going to help make you a better reader. Your therapist will help you deal with not be the reader you want to be.

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it7aw48 wrote

Thank you. I just want to pick up a book and enjoy it; it’s such a small ask really.

What do you think the source of this fluctuation in ability is for so many of us?

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fellationelsen t1_it79ynx wrote

This sounds like what I call "mental health task block" where you just feel totally unable to do something.

I'd it just a mental thing, like an aversion or do you have difficulty reading in general, like dyslexia or dyspraxia? Out of interest, what have you been trying read?

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it7aka3 wrote

I don’t think I have any symptoms of the lexias. I can see the words clearly, I understand them perfectly fine but it just seems that my brain dislikes words and will do any mental aversion tactic it can

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fellationelsen t1_it7fjqr wrote

Have you tried graphic novels, I'll admit it's not really my thing but I know there's some that have the same word count just broken up with illustrations. That or short stories could be your thing rather than a 500 page novel. You might find you can complete the story and get something out of it before you get bored or frustrated.

It could just be a matter of taste. It sounds like when I try a game outside of my frame of reference. For example I've just never got into RPG or fighting games. I know I'm missing out somewhat, but I just really struggle to enjoy them or know what to do. I'm the same with music but a bit less discerning.

When it comes to reading, I always struggled because I'm very easily distracted. If I'm not interested in the story my mind will wander and daydream. What got me focused was reading stories I already knew, namely Trainspotting and A Game of Thrones. Because I'd seen the films I was already somewhat invested and immersed in the characters and world.

My advice is to not sweat it. Being in the right mood affects your enjoyment of reading. If you're feeling happy and patient, give a try again then. It's not something you can just "power through" like exercise or a day at work.

Edit. If you can read all that, a genuinely good book will be a piece of piss.

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it7nr4h wrote

I read all that but even with reddit posts it feel like my mind is just struggling through it. Like I know the words and their meaning and my mind is half reading but it's not totally natural

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jflhere t1_it7b48b wrote

I have a chronic illness with a reading problem (different). I have kindle read to me and get audibles. It’s the only way it works. I still support authors, but I also get to enjoy.

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author_krcunningham t1_it7bwkv wrote

What is it that is making you feel this way? Is it the actual reading part or the content you're reading? Would it be the same if you listened to audiobooks instead?

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it7mytr wrote

It's the actual act of reading. I'm not sure if it's my subvocalisation that's the problem or what the actual source of the issues it. My inner voice is very quite most of the time

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IndigoTrailsToo t1_it7uqn0 wrote

When you start therapy, talk to your therapist about books that you write in. Maybe it is a workbook about what you like to do. Maybe the physical Act of writing in a nice moleskin notebook book that actually looks like a book will help you with desensitization. Or puzzle books. Or books where you color or reverse color where there are colors and you draw the lines. There is a book series called burn this book where the purpose is to deface the book that you have bought and that might be another idea.

As others have said, you are on the right course, I am sorry that other people made it sound like you are having these problems because you just haven't found the right book yet.

As an experiment to yourself, you might also try writing something on paper and then reading it back and see how you do and if it triggers your OCD ticks or if you do okay. This will help you to think about what things specifically are triggering the ticks.

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VioletInADream t1_it791b7 wrote

Maybe give audiobooks a try, helps with not having to have the little inner voice read along, depending on what triggers your negative reactions and is it the content of the books or the actual act of reading you can try reading different genres too, read something funny and lighthearted for example or a good general knowledge nonfiction. Also at the end of the day it's just a hobby like many others, no need to force yourself if it's affecting you negatively, you can stop reading for now and return to it once you're feeling better about it and it's a more enjoyable experience for you.

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heroicgamer44 OP t1_it7b1nc wrote

I’ve realised what I have to do is drop it for a while. I’ve been trying for 3 years to make it feel natural and it just doesn’t happen

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CrazyCatLady108 t1_it82d30 wrote

Hi there. This subject has been very popular in the past. Please use reddit search and/or check the /r/books/wiki/faq.

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