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Steff_Heavenheart11 t1_iycr66y wrote

Omg, you worded it so well. For me it's like, remembering a part of my childhood in the context of reading a certain book. For example, I have this distinct memory of reading the first or second warrior cats book for the first time while nuzzled up in a blanket inside of a pillow fort. It's not really a specific moment it reminds me of, just vaguely of a summer from long ago when i could sit cozily, read a book, meet online friends, be engaged, be happy, cry. Sometimes it makes me really wanna go back to that time.

... everything is so dull now.

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Silmarillien OP t1_iycstjz wrote

Yeah that's exactly the same for me! But instead of summer, it was Christmas holidays. It was a period we could be lost in imaginary worlds without the cares of adult life distracting us.

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Steff_Heavenheart11 t1_iyd5dhf wrote

Fair enough. I mean I still technically am a child, but i feel so disconnected from my younger self that I view "childhood" as something that I've gone through in the past and which is already over. I feel like that's probably not the healthiest thing, but it's weird calling this moment right now and me from like 4 years ago part of the same stage of my life. It's so confusing being dissociated from yourself to the point that it feels like a completely different person.

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Silmarillien OP t1_iyd5vxj wrote

I suppose it's because of how much we change during the formative years of adolescence and young adulthood. When I think of myself years ago, it does feel like I was a different person. That's one of the beautiful things about readings books from older periods of our lives. They're like a reconciling bridge between two versions of ourselves.

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Steff_Heavenheart11 t1_iyd7wzi wrote

Yeah, i guess that makes sense. And it can certainly be really cathartic to indulge in little things i used to enjoy as a kid, like McDonald's happy meals. But I feel like the closer a memory gets to present so i remember it vividly, but there's also still a big disconnect just gives me this uncanny valley feeling that makes me wanna throw up. Like, I can't quite remember anything specific about McDonald's happy meals, so i just take whatever i presently feel trying it and try to associate with childhood, but because with clearer memories there's already a connection and you know in unconsciously detailed accuracy how it's supposed to feel and then it doesn't.. idk, it's just really unnerving. I guess it's like.when a book starts and ends with the same line, but with a completely different context.

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Silmarillien OP t1_iyd9p1y wrote

Maybe it's about not remembering the thing but the feeling you had back then. I'm not sure if I've been through this.

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