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_switch360_ t1_j3bpmm2 wrote

Why not just make friends? Why is it ok to say you want friends with a a specific sexual identity? With all the rainbows flying in JC it’s hard to believe this question has to be asked.

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BromioKalen t1_j3buiyg wrote

Sometimes people connect with and befriend others who they share common experiences with. Growing up gay can be very difficult and many gay people like to socialize and build a network with their fellow gay brothers and sisters. Chosen family. To the OP, there are lots of family here in Jersey City. You should not have any problem.

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manuelalej305 OP t1_j3c7csl wrote

Let me clarify, this post does not mean that we are only interested in making gay friends. We are very social people and we know we will make friends, in general, anywhere we go. But it is typical human nature to have a subset of your friends being those who have shared similar life experiences and can connect at a much deeper level. I have friends with very different backgrounds than mine who I love and admire. But I know they have subsets of friends with which they share experiences that I will never understand and will therefore never be able to provide them with the safe space they need, and it doesn’t offend me that I’m excluded from their gatherings and activities every once in a while. When it comes to make other gay (or lgbtq in general) friends, location typically matter as we tend to congregate in certain areas, primary, as a defense mechanism to keep each other safe. If you think we live in a perfect society already where it’s all unicorns and rainbows, read this article

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/12/20/nyregion/drag-queen-story-hours-protests-nyc.html

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moobycow t1_j3bstx0 wrote

Have you seen America lately? The whole country isn't exactly oozing inclusivity vibes. I get why people who can expect to experience outright bigotry and potential violence in many areas feel the need to ask this question.

If you're from JC, or the area, it can be really hard to understand the extent to which almost every single place being welcoming is unusual.

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_switch360_ t1_j3bt91t wrote

This is where I disagree and that was my point - the NYC metro area and most other urban areas have been bending over backwards with inclusivity for a very long time and over last few years it has been expanded exponentially.

Wasn’t defense of marriage act just signed? That’s at the national level. JC has been progressive for decades.

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moobycow t1_j3btqfn wrote

Yes, it has, but that doesn't mean that people just moving to the area know exactly what that means from a lived experience perspective.

If you're moving here for the first time from a place less inclusive, not knowing the extent to which it is simply is not an issue here is understandable.

From the opposite perspective, in recent years the extent to which gay friends (and Jewish friends) have gotten smacked in the face by the national scene when they hadn't really had to think much about their identity as a target for years, has saddened me a great deal.

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RAWisROLLIE t1_j3bzji6 wrote

Yes, and racism was completely fixed when slavery was ended! /s

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