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FatboySlimThicc t1_iymld6n wrote

Sounds like Charlie Work

129

beebish t1_iyn1ec6 wrote

Definitely. Here's a new rat basher, go try it out

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morenewsat11 OP t1_iymlocr wrote

A job not for the faint of heart.

>“The ideal candidate is highly motivated and somewhat bloodthirsty,determined to look at all solutions from various angles, including improving operational efficiency, data collection, technology innovation, trash management, and wholesale slaughter,” reads that ad.

...

>“Cunning, voracious, and prolific, New York City’s rats are legendary for their survival skills, but they don’t run this city – we do,” claimed the posting.

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jumpsteadeh t1_iyns465 wrote

I ain't about to fuck with Skaven on their home turf. They need a diplomat, not an exterminator.

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Inphearian t1_iynw53w wrote

Yes-yes, negotiate with me-me you must.

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zallified t1_iyorsjq wrote

Skaven always hold-hold their promises ! Yes-yes !

1

Jovet_Hunter t1_iyntyqs wrote

New you’re better pay whoever they get or they will kidnap all their kids.

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CitizenCobalt t1_iyn3hzr wrote

This sounds like a job for weasels. 'Somewhat bloodthirsty' is right up their alley.

Of course, then New York would have the weasels to deal with, but cross that bridge when you come to it, I guess.

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terrycloth3 t1_iynuqjw wrote

And thus Weasel Stomping Day is born.

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themcryt t1_iyo2jm1 wrote

I just listened to that yesterday for the first time in probably a decade.

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micmac274 t1_iyogm3t wrote

Put your viking helmet on, spread that mayonnaise on the lawn...

3

TacoCommand t1_iypokn4 wrote

Is this a song? Because I don't want to search for that in my YouTube history lmaooooo

Anybody got a link?

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fan_go_round t1_iynw2rf wrote

Reminds me of the mink man on youtube, minks would probably do a pretty good job too.

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paxrom2 t1_iyodji4 wrote

Mink man did a walk about with minks and terriers in Washington DC allies. Also stray cats do a good job.

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flyingtrucky t1_iynx4c8 wrote

If they want to get rid of the rats they just have to introduce owls. If the owls don't simply die during the winter you can hire owl exterminators.

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CitizenCobalt t1_iyocc8b wrote

I was thinking Owls and Hawks at first, but weasels would probably have an easier time navigating the tight spaces in New York. But if they're willing to let the birds build their nests for once, I'm all for hawks and owls.

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Siyuen_Tea t1_iynqt3c wrote

They wouldn't survive the poison in the rats blood or even the noise of the train.

5

DidntHaveToUseMyAK t1_iyo0jom wrote

Some serious old lady who swallowed a fly vibes.

"First she swallowed a weasel to eat the rat, she swallowed an Owl to eat the weasel" repeat ad nauseum.

4

micmac274 t1_iyogqnc wrote

I know an old lady who swallowed a horse... It was uploaded to a porn site other than Pornhub.

3

Humble-Dragonfly-321 t1_iyorxlp wrote

They already have Guiliani.

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CitizenCobalt t1_iyt9veb wrote

Excellent. Let’s make an army of mini-Guilianis. They have to be small enough to follow the rats hard-to-reach spots.

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Humble-Dragonfly-321 t1_iytqswt wrote

Breed Guiliani with small people? Small people have standards and dignity. I can't see even the noble rodent wanting to mix their DNA with Guiliani.

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Radix2309 t1_iyo2j2q wrote

New York does have a lot of bridges to cross, so they should be good at crossing that one.

2

Verified_ElonMusk t1_iypbjt1 wrote

Why not just release wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes. They'll wipe out the rats.

1

i_do_too_ t1_iypd4or wrote

Can we train and deploy small drones that would kill these rats? 🤔

1

Zeric79 t1_iympbte wrote

How do the people of New York feel about snakes in the streets as compared to rats?

14

Rubbytumpkins t1_iympsfi wrote

I get that its a joke but snakes don't control rat populations very well because snakes only hunt when hungry, and don't become hungry very often. Even cats will get bored and befriend the rats after awhile. Jack Russell terriers are the way.

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cosaboladh t1_iymuo4w wrote

But then you've just traded one terrible scenario for another. Could you imagine a city infested with Jack Russel Terriers?

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BenjaminWobbles t1_iyn5fdd wrote

What about owls?

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micmac274 t1_iyohf5r wrote

Known to attack people. There are parks with signs "Vicious owl will attack people, wear a hat."

3

micmac274 t1_iyoh6m5 wrote

You're meant to learn from history, not repeat it.

1

thatweirdguyted t1_iynamkl wrote

But at night, I travel down into the subway, Wearing chain mail, locked and loaded for gun play. And battle the gigantic friggin killer mutant rats. And if I fucking quit, who the fuck would do that? I'll give you a hint, the answer is no one! That's why I'm in the sewer dressed up like a shogun.

"I Run NY" by Lonely Island ( https://youtu.be/W9PoshXXA7M )

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AsslessBaboon t1_iymtj7s wrote

>Hate rats? Are you a “somewhat bloodthirsty” New Yorker with excellent communication skills and “a general aura of bad assery”? Then you might have what it takes to be the city’s new rat tsar. > >The official job title is “director of rodent mitigation,” although it was promptly dubbed the rat tsar. Salary range is $120,000 to $170,000.

This job listing had me chuckling on the floor despite having very severe musophobia. No amount of money can make me do this job, so am bloody jealous of everyone who lacks a phobia of rats and mice.

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cosaboladh t1_iymusxl wrote

How far does $170k go in New York though? I imagine it being a huge step down from my current living situation on the west coast.

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Siyuen_Tea t1_iynr3lt wrote

I can only tell you 170 goes further on the east coast than the west coast. If all things equal.

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AsslessBaboon t1_iymvcv7 wrote

All I know is that I could certainly use £140k quid right about now. Cant someone like live in NJ or would the commute be too crazy?

Genuinely asking as I've never been to NYC

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the_idea_pig t1_iyn5rxi wrote

Yeah, but that would require living in New Jersey. I'd rather crawl through new york's sewer system killing rats with my bare hands for free than live in NJ for any amount of money.

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AsslessBaboon t1_iyn667d wrote

The jokes from movies/telly about NJ are true? Lol

6

ScottieRobots t1_iynvsay wrote

New Jersey is a funny place. It's not very large, and a significant portion of the northern part of the state is essentially a suburb of New York City, while a significant portion of the southern part is a suburb of Philadelphia (with all the good and bad that comes along with that).

But it's fundamentally beautiful and varied temperate coastal land. Because of how things are, though, you can drive from a warm sandy beach to a mountaintop surrounded by productive farmland in an hour and a half, while stopping in a handful of crime ridden ghettos AND a few of the richest counties in the country along your way.

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Astronaut-Weird t1_iyo19sq wrote

Spot on. We like to talk shit about them and their pizza but, NJ, honestly, has a great variety of things to offer as a state.

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Kiosade t1_iynv04t wrote

I live on the opposite side of the country, but I’m pretty sure New Yorkers just like to pretend to hate NJ for some reason. Like a rivalry. I think there are plenty of perfectly good parts of NJ to live in. It’s not Mississippi!

2

Cidyl-Xech t1_iyn468g wrote

anyone else having a stroke reading this headline

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BaconIsAVeg2 t1_iynnawr wrote

There's a few better subs for that depending on your kinks.

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a_phantom_limb t1_iynd9b3 wrote

Is there any amount of money that would allow New York to control the rat population? They've spent millions, but would even billions be enough?

7

bageloid t1_iyngzeu wrote

We have to re-design our trash infrastructure.

Turns out putting bags of garbage directly on the sidewalk is bad.

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[deleted] t1_iyq1hqw wrote

[deleted]

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bageloid t1_iyquhpe wrote

This is sarcasm right?

1

[deleted] t1_iyqw5rp wrote

[deleted]

1

bageloid t1_iyqxgvf wrote

Ok, you want to:

  • shut down the subway system

  • turn it into a garbage system

  • causing the biggest transit crisis the world has ever seen, probably killing NYC

  • Make people carry garbage upwards of 30 minutes to a drop off point(hours during maintenance windows, busses would have been an option pre traffic apocalypse)

  • Spend 10s of billions to automate the subway

  • Spend 10s of billions on automated cars that can accept/deposit trash

  • Spend 10s of billions to put barriers on each subway platform to stop inevitable track fires

  • Which will transit the garbage to... places nowhere near transfer stations

1

Kamata22 t1_iytgztg wrote

>shut down the subway system

You do realize train tracks have switches right? A single broken down train is just something you go around. Adding a few trains isn't something that would normally be a problem. This could actually be a wonderful funding solution to fix NYC's awful subway system.

1

Kamata22 t1_iytgq7u wrote

Dunno, they already look like shit. Might as well send garbage trains through them too.

0

ztreHdrahciR t1_iymnj2e wrote

Pilot program in Baltimore first, to be sure it works

3

DanYHKim t1_iyocyvd wrote

They will get a lot more applicants if they were to include something that says that it would be a class 3 misdemeanor to laugh at your cape.

3

Alchemist_92 t1_iynhrhw wrote

I see this going one of two ways-

  1. They get a Dale Gribble type, hellbent on the extermination of the rat population via chemicals, hammers, and pratfalls

  2. They release thousands of owls into the city, eliminating the rats, but infesting NY with hyper aggressive owls who have to compete with stray cats for food resources, potentially leading to owls murdering cats in the city.

Either way, cartoons have really come a long way.

2

AndromedaJayne t1_iyokoed wrote

Eventually, they will release owls to deal with the rodents, and then the owls will become a problem

2

rinseanddelete t1_iynye2h wrote

Someone get "The Mink Man" Joseph Carter on the line.

1

briank3387 t1_iyo3voj wrote

I played keyboards for Rat Supremo in the 80s

1

peensteen t1_iyob970 wrote

NY just needs to ask Victor Falco to do them a solid.

1

Faye_dunwoody t1_iyoexcp wrote

They should use owls to get rid of the rats.

1

MrNateG t1_iypsebw wrote

Someone call Fet!

1