Submitted by PichuLovy t3_zawoqz in nottheonion
Comments
emrot t1_iyo259l wrote
In America that could mean falling overboard while using the bathroom. Which is also a possibility here.
GetlostMaps t1_iyo2spf wrote
Pissing overboard is every penis-owner's right duty when at sea.
230flathead t1_iyo6rhr wrote
I mean, the fish don't bite until someone pees in the water. Everyone knows that.
Pristine-Potato-4548 t1_iyod6ev wrote
Don't pull your dick out in public places
PaulSarlo t1_iyp4ke5 wrote
...wait..why? Is that not allowed?
team-evil66 t1_iyplirn wrote
It's a class B felony
Edit has nobody seen Aqua Teen Hunger force the movie?
GetlostMaps t1_iyq4mp8 wrote
It would hurt more if it was a slap on the wrist, because if you were holding it at the time that would make it swing down and hit the balls.
charleswj t1_iys4gxf wrote
Straight to jail
Honey_Overall t1_iyoy4o1 wrote
Why not both?
haley7211 t1_iyo28ar wrote
This guy: I get knocked down (we'll be singing)
But I get up again (pissing the night away)
You are never gonna keep me down (when we're winning)
dukeimre t1_iyo3i3q wrote
It's interesting - you'd think he wouldn't be embarrassed to say that he was drunk, right? And yet he denies it: "He'd had drinks on the Valor, but was not inebriated, Grimes told ABC. He doesn't remember leaving to find a bathroom, he said."
Possibilities:
- He was ashamed to say that he was blackout drunk.
- He was so blackout drunk that he has forgotten being blackout drunk.
- Someone slipped him a roofie.
- He was doing something else that was really risky (like climbing over the railing) or that he might see as shameful (like trying to commit suicide), so he chose to lie.
Aporkalypse_Sow t1_iyp5m1l wrote
You forgot the real reason. He was having an affair with a merperson
TacoCommand t1_iypob9h wrote
stupid sexy merpeople
shashinqua t1_iyytwi6 wrote
Do the mermen have mustaches? Asking for a friend.
TacoCommand t1_iz0y6jb wrote
They sure can!
doffs fake mustache
Pog1983 t1_iyppoah wrote
He likely hit the water pretty hard. I was in the Coast Guard for 10 years. I helped pulled one or two people out of the water during my time. That fall is pretty long. He may have TBI. Also, all of your other suggestions could be true as well...
ScreamingAvocadoes t1_iyo5rbk wrote
Yeah, but he also strikes me as a bit of a blinkard.
useless169 t1_iyo4l3m wrote
He could have been roofied, you are right! That was my first thought anyway.
SternLecture t1_iyrob1g wrote
Same. I just want to believe he was telling the truth about not drinking for some reason.
TheBovineWoodchuck t1_iyuj6ku wrote
>Grimes was at an onboard bar with his sister before walking off
My hunch is that someone was trying to roofie his sister, but put it in his drink by mistake.
Zzeellddaa t1_iznvfmy wrote
Hired by Elon
gottahavemyvoxpops t1_iyoxgig wrote
Yeah, I'm thinking it's the last option. He was in the water for 15 hours. If he were blackout drunk, the adrenaline would have worn off long before the alcohol did. He would have got sleepy and drowned. Same with the roofie.
I think the suicide or dumb stunt option is more likely. And I don't think it's necessarily that he's ashamed to admit it. It might be that he feels (or has been advised) that there could be legal ramifications for what he did, as far as the rescue operation goes. Or even something as simple as the cruise line banning him from future cruises might be on his mind. (He said he wouldn't mind going on another cruise, since he didn't really get to go on this one!)
So it might be a situation where he doesn't want to say anything so not to put himself in any legal or civil trouble. "I don't recall" is a classic answer from lawyers/politicians under oath, and that's essentially what he's saying here.
snausagesinablanket t1_iypa4ji wrote
>He was ashamed to say that he was blackout drunk.
>
>He was so blackout drunk that he has forgotten being blackout drunk.
>
>Someone slipped him a roofie.
>
>He was doing something else that was really risky (like climbing over the railing) or that he might see as shameful (like trying to commit suicide), so he chose to lie.
He was wanking and fell in when he lost his balance.
Heliolord t1_iysjh4f wrote
Wanking while balancing on a guardrail is the ultimate danger wank.
chris14020 t1_iyp7ia5 wrote
I'd muuuch prefer to say I had a few too many drinks than I was sick of living and fucked it up, or I was completely sober and just clumsy as fuck.
billman71 t1_iys2lsk wrote
The guy fell how far into the water? Then treaded water for around 23 hours... I'm thinking this rules out the likelihood he was plastered drunk or roofied at the time.
elfy4eva t1_iypwsau wrote
• he fainted
Kamata22 t1_iyuxavr wrote
Something else: Dramamine for seasickness + plus alcohol. Lots of cases of people just walking over the side due to Dramamine induced hallucinations. It isn't reported very much.
bronkscottema t1_iynzhz7 wrote
Td:lr he drank too much.
NotQuiteGoodEnougher t1_iyo4p54 wrote
Or, TBH he was suicidal, hit the water and changed his mind. Treaded water for 15 hours, and thought he'd rather not divulge the 'reason'.
Of which I totally respect. I just hope he gets some mental health treatment if necessary.
DirtyReseller t1_iyo5sfz wrote
Or drugged, I was thinking that could also make sense
therealdannyking t1_iyo7n8p wrote
So far we have drunk, suicidal, and drugged. I'll add forcibly thrown overboard to the bingo card.
DirtyReseller t1_iyo7wwa wrote
Ooo nice. How about he was drunk, drank a spiked drink, contemplated suicide, but ultimately was pushed off the ledge after having second thoughts.
you_bastid t1_iyp45yx wrote
Do people get drugged often on cruises? I feel like in a closed environment like that it would be fairly easy to find the culprit.
DirtyReseller t1_iyp4kno wrote
I have no idea, it’s basically a mini city with everyone partying, so I assume it happens sometimes
microm3gas t1_iypkk2g wrote
You go through typical airport security. So could be smuggled I guess, but would think chances are low.
you_bastid t1_iypnvxn wrote
I’m not talking about getting it in, that’s easy. But when you’re in a sealed environment with a certain amount of bars and there’s a traceable history of people getting sick it wouldn’t be too hard to find the source.
Couldbehuman t1_iyo6mly wrote
>Td:lr
Too didn't, long read
SemanticSyllepsis t1_iyonuel wrote
Too Drunk, Leaned over Railing
FaagenDazs t1_iyo6c3g wrote
His sister said he wasn't inebriated and he didn't remember leaving to go use the restroom. Sounds like he was drugged to me
[deleted] t1_iyq6fzy wrote
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daveattellyouwhat t1_iyohwa0 wrote
Its TLDR dumbass.
DFG57 t1_iyo08pi wrote
Well, let's see. You left the BAR and then what happened? Maybe retrace your steps.
NicNoletree t1_iyob1he wrote
Aren't you afraid that he'll fall in again?
charleswj t1_iys4q9d wrote
Extremely drunk people are known for their ability to perform at their physical peak by treading water in the ocean for 15 hours.
Kamwind t1_iyo7mso wrote
I am more interested in why all the sensors that are suppose to detect someone falling overboard did not work.
[deleted] t1_iyo7ic7 wrote
He left his family in the evening, just to go to the bathroom and then he was supposed to come back to them just a few minutes later.
He didn’t.
They didn’t report him missing until 12pm, the next day!
Rosebunse t1_iyok5re wrote
That isn't terribly odd. It is a cruise, they could have thought he was somewhere else partying. Plus, 12pm is the time I suspect a lot of cruise passengers wake up.
EtTuBrutAftershave t1_iynzd12 wrote
Spoiler Alert: He fell
SternLecture t1_iyrom7o wrote
I thought he diffused himself through the steel of the ship.
Heliolord t1_iysjst0 wrote
Son of a bitch did it. The one and a bajillion chance that all the matter in his body managed to pass right through all the matter in the guard rail.
SternLecture t1_iytw01u wrote
How many funniest home video dudes trying to do this by smashing their groin on a fence or bike and this guy finally manages it.
Starlifter4 t1_iyo0avq wrote
Alcohol involved? Maybe?
Enchelion t1_iyo6ird wrote
It's a cruise ship, the entire point of those things is to get shitfaced and spend money.
DirtyReseller t1_iyo5vfp wrote
Was last seen leaving the bar to go piss…
[deleted] t1_iyo25zn wrote
I know exactly how he managed to find himself swimming: that all-inclusive, no limit drink package.
Dorkus_Mallorkus t1_iyo2wpz wrote
*15 drink daily limit
Betting now they reduce it to 14....
Large-Garden4833 t1_iyovohl wrote
Is it really 15 drinks?
Dorkus_Mallorkus t1_iyow1ho wrote
Yep.
TacoCommand t1_iypogf0 wrote
Is the asterisk like "approximately"?
Is it 15 beers? Or 15 cocktails?
Dorkus_Mallorkus t1_iyponkt wrote
Nope. They cut you off after 15 in any given day. Beers, cocktails whatever, they all count the same. I've seen it happen. Drunk dude was not happy....
TacoCommand t1_iyprby5 wrote
Oh jeez. That's dumb. It just encourages cocktails. And I get it, cocktails are the real money makers. But that just seems like an overall dangerous policy.
15 beers? Wade Bogg used to pound 50 beers and eat a roast chicken!
RIP Wade Boggs. (Note: Wade Biggs is still very much alive, jabronis).
RandomUsername600 t1_iyon4ps wrote
Confusion and memory loss are symptoms of hypothermia so he could be telling the truth.
Good200000 t1_iyok94m wrote
Lawyer told him not to say anything, so they can sue for big bucks
106503204 t1_iyo1pvz wrote
Doing something stupid, too embarrassed to say lol
toungespasm t1_iyo7xls wrote
Alabama represent!
nmgonzo t1_iyqrhhs wrote
Alabama Man! Stronger than the sea!
Rosebunse t1_iyok9jo wrote
He could have sustained some sort of head injury on the way down.
Pog1983 t1_iypxcz8 wrote
My first thought honestly. It's a really long fall.
SternLecture t1_iyror16 wrote
Maybe he got verbally abused by ol Greg and blocked out the memories.
Smoovemammajamma t1_iyw3ntj wrote
Its pretty obvious he saw MiB performing some operation and they flashed him with a neuralizer
gheiminfantry t1_iyo7y1m wrote
Alcohol
WhyDidIClickOnThat t1_iyok6k9 wrote
I think if I fell off a cruise ship the moment would be very clearly etched in my mind. Unless I was blind shitfaced drunk. Like him.
g0ll4m t1_iyonw9r wrote
I’m gonna go out on a limb here… he was fucking shitfaced and fell off the railing
[deleted] t1_iyp3f8p wrote
He was doing the old Titanic “I’m the King of the World!” and slipped, and he’s too embarrassed to tell anyone.
[deleted] t1_iypo4yx wrote
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skepticcaucasian t1_iyptert wrote
Titanic 2 be like.
Ceramicrabbit t1_iypzokq wrote
Looks like Little Ben Roethlisberger
lemongroovian t1_iyq0o0q wrote
How did he become naked?
[deleted] t1_iyq6r7q wrote
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12baakets t1_iyq91af wrote
He was thrown overboard by an assassin. He doesn't want any investigation into it, so he's saying he doesn't remember. He fully remembers what happened that night.
Of course he could have been drunk.
Kind_Ferret_3219 t1_iyq94v8 wrote
He was just skinny dipping in the Gulf of Mexico. Doesn't everybody do that?
Cannaewulnaewidnae t1_iyqbln1 wrote
Dude was taking a piss off the back of the boat
We know he 'went to use the bathroom' ... and no drunk person in history has ever considered themselves to be drunk
nmgonzo t1_iyqrduo wrote
i wasn't offeicer, drunk.
Ahandlin t1_iyrjj0y wrote
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say he fell. I could he wrong, he could have jumped
BuckNutley t1_iyrmmlr wrote
Drunk, couldn't find a washroom or didn't like what was going on in the washroom he found, and decided to just piss in the water...I'd love to see a picture of the boat so I could find the spot he fell from using my trying to piss theory.
sugar_addict002 t1_iyrov47 wrote
uhuh
[deleted] t1_iysjr4x wrote
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Feeling-Resident-857 t1_iypt8xu wrote
it’s an interesting theory, but i’m having a hard time believing that anyone would think this guy was roofie-worthy…
GetlostMaps t1_iyo16uy wrote
PFO
That's what we call it in Australia.
Pissed and Fell Overboard. (In Australia Pissed means drunk.)