Comments
TaikoNerd t1_je6rmw6 wrote
What is it with The Onion and the word "horrifying"? I feel like they use that word all the time...
VinoMaker65 t1_je6ro1f wrote
Mutant Gritty coming for your soda. He took a bath in the Delaware.
kekehippo t1_je6xot6 wrote
🤣
Business_Marketing76 t1_je712us wrote
My cats want to know why I just busted out laughing
SanjiSasuke t1_je71mr1 wrote
It's called molting and it's very normal.
Indiana_Jawns t1_je77shl wrote
Where do they think Gritty came from if not for a chemical spill in the Delaware?
mundotaku t1_je77tvo wrote
Gritty without hair is just the purple mascot of Mc Donald's.
davidtheexcellent t1_je7avvc wrote
Gritty is just getting his summer coat
Wissahickon OP t1_je7bslj wrote
dzhastin t1_je7ew80 wrote
“At press time, Philadelphia residents were seen hurling batteries at Gritty to put the mascot out of his misery.”
NoREEEEEEtilBrooklyn t1_je7oggi wrote
I’m ready for the downvotes, so here’s my opinion: Gritty is the reason the Flyers suck.
The Flyers have missed the playoffs 4 out of the 5 seasons Gritty has been around. In the 50 seasons prior, the Flyers missed the playoffs 11 times. So they went from making the playoffs ~80% of the time to missing them 80% of the time after the fat, orange, Scott Hartnell-esqe freak was introduced.
Fire Gritty and save the Flyers.
1solate t1_je7yaro wrote
I always assumed he was unearthed when they tore down the Spectrum.
JIMMYJAWN t1_je82pzu wrote
Gritty needs to stop fucking with that tranq
MyMartianRomance t1_je8858m wrote
The official backstory is he was found when they remodeled Wells Fargo.
Civil_Peak t1_je8c3an wrote
I just thought Gritty was trying a new look. Girls love them bald guys.
Capable_Stranger9885 t1_je8dkx8 wrote
Oh, he's not the child of the orange girl Grouch and Big Shot?
KenzoWap t1_je8zpsf wrote
Gritty is corny.
Clarck_Kent t1_je9icvk wrote
Who I believe is supposed to represent a milkshake.
phoenix762 t1_je9if02 wrote
imanAholebutimfunny t1_jeammav wrote
A combined accumulated amount of semen that was flushed down the toilets of Philadelphia and storm drains to create the ultimate Philly Mascot
Thot_P0cket t1_je6la1h wrote
> “I know city officials say the tap water is safe, but Gritty kept on holding up an ice skate and trying to slit his own throat. They’ve got him on oxygen and an IV drip now, but I’m definitely sticking to bottled water from here on out.”
Lmao