I asked Chat GPT to generate 10 headlines about Pittsburgh in the style of The Onion.

Submitted by solarbot88 t3_10oncl0 in pittsburgh

  1. "Pittsburgh Named Most Liveable City...Again, Residents Ask What's the Catch?"

  2. "Study Finds 90% of Pittsburgh Drivers Actually Just Follow the Car in Front of Them"

  3. "City of Pittsburgh Announces Plan to Turn Every River into Primitive Water Slide Park"

  4. "Pittsburgh Man Shocked to Discover Primanti Bros. Sandwich Not Actually a Health Food"

  5. "Local Steeler's Fan Forced to Admit He's Only Watched Two Games This Season, But Still Calls Himself a Die-Hard"

  6. "City Council Debates Whether to Rename Mount Washington to 'Mount Burrito Hill"

  7. "Report Finds Pittsburgh Snow Plows Mostly Just Push Snow to Other Neighborhoods"

  8. "Local Man Insists on Wearing Terrible Towel to Every Possible Occasion, Including Dentist Appointments"

  9. "City to Replace All Traffic Lights with Intersection-Sized Bumper Cars for More 'Pittsburgh-Style' Commutes"

  10. "Pittsburgh Announces Plan to Turn Every Street into Incline for Tourists, Residents to Climb to Their Homes."

784

Comments

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iSoReddit t1_j6frg5c wrote

> "Report Finds Pittsburgh Snow Plows Mostly Just Push Snow to Other Neighborhoods"

Most accurate

381

ballsonthewall t1_j6fsf99 wrote

This reminds me of the old Sim City News Ticker lmao

164

Pogobat t1_j6ftogj wrote

I’m partial to 10 myself.

26

DugganSC t1_j6fy8t7 wrote

Replying to iSoReddit (#1,596,813)

I listened to an interesting article about that and why it's so hard. For example, I didn't know that there was a maximum speed for the plows before which they're just traveling faster, not removing more snow, or at least that it was so slow. Also, well, snow doesn't go away when you plow it, so yeah, it is just displacing it to someone else.

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mopar39426ml t1_j6g3myx wrote

2, 4, 7, 8, and 10 all could be real.

I'm pretty sure 3 or 4 of those actually are.

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lumentec t1_j6g6na1 wrote

Don't lie to us. Post the screenshot.

−8

sqqueen2 t1_j6g7uxb wrote

So now we’ve discovered the Onion’s source

10

StarOriole t1_j6g7x6m wrote

I regularly trust that other drivers travel that route more often and have a better sense of what they're doing. Everyone's getting in the left lane? Yeah, that's probably where I want to go too. There's an intersection where it's going from 2 lanes to 3 lanes in the middle of the intersection with no markings? Sure, wherever you think our lane is going sounds good to me.

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ElRamrod t1_j6g8ju7 wrote

Still wondering about #1. What's the catch?

6

therealpigman t1_j6g8rj9 wrote

Replying to lumentec (#1,600,091)

Just do it yourself on it. I just went on chatgpt and asked it to write 5 more headlines like this and got the following:

"Pittsburgh Announces Plan to Replace All Rivers with French Fries"

"Pittsburgh Steel Mills to Replace All Workers with Robots... Except for Their Mothers"

"Local Man Refuses to Believe Pittsburgh is Not Part of Ohio"

"Pittsburgh Launches Initiative to Replace All Bridges with Slip 'n Slides"

"City Council Debates Renaming Pittsburgh to 'Pitts-burgers-burgh' to Embrace Love of Sandwiches"

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paladin_slim t1_j6gc8o5 wrote

If we’re converting the rivers into water parks then I hope that the hospitals are ready for the surge in tetanus cases.

7

1stCaptainSkrall t1_j6grno5 wrote

I dislike how funny and accurate a god damn robot can be about my city

11

Seanile1 t1_j6gu5i5 wrote

Hey you cannot tell me that a sandwich loaded with vegetables is not healthy.

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grachi t1_j6gyojx wrote

if it wasn't happening already, AI is certainly going to be writing articles for all those clickbait websites like buzzfeed.

19

grachi t1_j6gyxs6 wrote

Replying to lotavio69 (#1,602,961)

yea, you do see Steel City used in small business names here and there, but I've never come across a Pitts Burghers, or come to think of it anything that was Pitts {rest of name} before

5

VulturE t1_j6hlag6 wrote

Replying to StarOriole (#1,600,352)

What's hilarious is that this actually works most of the time in Pittsburgh.

When I moved to Virginia Beach previously, I saw people unevenly stack into lanes at a stop light (7 cars in left lane, 1 car in right lane, no major turns for the next 2 miles) regularly for no reason at all, and I had to get out of this habit.

17

duranfan t1_j6hp2lc wrote

> "City to Replace All Traffic Lights with Intersection-Sized Bumper Cars for More 'Pittsburgh-Style' Commutes"

Walking down Grant St this morning about 7 AM, I saw a guy who wants to sign up for that program, because he roared right through the red light at Grant & 7th.

8

StyreneAddict1965 t1_j6ic3cf wrote

My favorite actual Onion headline: "PNC Park asks to be traded to a better team."

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saltedkumihimo t1_j6ii3vt wrote

Regarding number 8, I was at a funeral home where a guy was getting roasted for wearing a white Steeler jersey instead of a black one because it was “disrespectful.”

19

mrsmushroom t1_j6irua4 wrote

I like the idea of a whole bunch of inclines. The one about the snow was pretty funny.

1

sauceboss412 t1_j6iupa6 wrote

Hold up primanti samiches arnt healthy? My life is a lie.

1

Tako-Jerome t1_j6iw4ec wrote

it's frankly an outrage a dentist has never put a terrible towel bib on me.

1

immargarita t1_j6jh1km wrote

Brilliant!!!! 😹. Thanx for the laughs!

1

ddyfado t1_j6lh78w wrote

Replying to StarOriole (#1,600,352)

i think this is how most of pittsburgh drives and it’s the reason for half the traffic in the city.

so many times there’s 15 cars piled up in the left lane because one person is waiting to turn but everyone completely refuses to pass them in the completely empty right lane

1