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RagequitSparks t1_iuj7r9w wrote

I had to do a double take and make sure I didn’t write this myself and forgot about it because holy hell man you and I have the exact same tendencies. Your post was like holding a mirror up to myself.

Listen, I’m 28 as well and deal with the same ADHD issues coupled with severe depression. My wife is 2 years older than me, but she deals with pretty bad anxiety. Our mental health has been a source of struggle and strife in our relationship, but it’s also a connection. We’re able to empathize with each other more when one of use is going through a low point in our mental health, and when one of us is down the other picks up the slack. There was a time where she was down so often and made little to no effort to try and seek help that it began to weigh on me, almost to the point of leaving. Vice versa, the same has happened with me and how she couldn’t keep dealing with it. We can only help others as long as we’re not draining ourselves to help them, and that applies to relationships.

Your communication with her is fantastic, keep that up. Strong relationships are built on strong communication. This sounds more like a problem with her not being able to empathize with your ADHD. Maybe couples counseling would help? Not sure what the best answer is, but I’m wishing the best for you two.

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Blissful_EDM t1_iujbs47 wrote

I appreciate the reply and the great insight. It's awesome you guys were able to work through it and hopefully we do as well. Our communication is indeed amazing for each other. Very level headed and logical and no one raises their voice remotely. We're also both deeply involved in psychology and bring that into conversations as well. She seems to want to work with me and she even agreed on a very strong point I made. I'm VERY good at keeping promises and holding myself to doing something when OTHER people are involved. Guilt, embarrassment, etc eats away at me every single minute if let's say we shared that vehicle and she was asking if I could take care of it. But when it's something that only effects me I procrastinate and barely get around to it.

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RagequitSparks t1_iujjjds wrote

I get that, I’m so good at holding promises to other people but when it comes to holding myself to that same standard I shrug it off.

I had that happen to me this past weekend. There were so many things I said I was going to get done around my house and I ended up maybe getting only one of those things partially done. It sucks, and I hate that I’m like this because I don’t want to be. I was formally diagnosed with ADHD as a child and took Ritalin for years, but at some point I just stopped and never talked about it again. That was when I was 10? It’s been roughly 18 years since then and I just recently realized that I might still be dealing with it along with my depression. After all, it’s been proven that most people with ADHD struggle with another form of mental illness, mostly depression and anxiety.

If this is something you really want to change in yourself, seek a therapist. They’ll help give you the tools you need to overcome.

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Blissful_EDM t1_iujpiek wrote

Yep, sounds like me. Started taking concerta consistently when I was around 9 or 10. Stopped around 14 and started up again while in college on vyvanse. I do not struggle with depression or anxiety (maybe a SMALL amount, but nothing notable).

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And I've started eyeballing therapy. It's just a wild position for me because while I have had those major gripes with myself and I'm ashamed of myself it's never really come back to bite me in the ass and I thoroughly enjoy myself and my spot in life currently. It wasn't until getting into a relationship that I quickly realized that my behavior doesn't really fly for long term stability and would probably make anyone begin to worry about the future. The other user here stated it sounded like a red flag from a 23 year old that hasn't even gotten their degree yet or started their career to be saying something like that to me, but you and I both know it's an extremely negative behavior to have.

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RagequitSparks t1_iujvitj wrote

I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag from her, more so an inability to relate/empathize with your mental illness. I do think the “ultimatum” is a bit much, but you guys talked that through and got to the bottom of it.

If you’re happy with yourself then there’s no reason to do individual therapy. I was saying seek it out if you think you need it. I do think you need couples counseling tho, because a therapist in that sense can help her understand your struggle and maybe give you both the tools to manage.

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