ctruss53 t1_iuikvgh wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:33 PM

Can you tell your partner you are doing it?

If not, it is cheating.

Calasy t1_iuirxxg wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:20 PM

The only reply that matters. If you are hiding shit, you know it is wrong.

VanMan32 t1_iuikwcz wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:34 PM

Seems like the most important person to ask if this is an overstep in the relationship is your wife.

luvduvbunny t1_iuil5mb wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:35 PM

If you are 100% comfortable with telling your wife about the cuddling, then it’s not cheating

If your friend is 100% comfortable telling her husband, then it’s not cheating

However if either of you (one or both) aren’t comfortable, then you know it’s cheating

I personally would be pissed if i was your wife. I consider it cheating

Lordofthelowend t1_iuilpwv wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:39 PM

I’m with you. The fact that he brings up their sexual frequency and lacking intimacy is telling.

girl_from_away t1_iuil0yv wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:34 PM

Yeah that would be a hard no in my book if the marriage is monogamous and not open. If my spouse was being intimate with someone else -- and cuddling is intimate, regardless of whether there's sex happening -- and hadn't explicitly discussed that with me beforehand, yeah... that's a huge problem.

thatfloridachick t1_iuilfrw wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:37 PM

Is your wife aware that you're cuddling with this person and is she okay with it?

If not, that answers your question.

Victorianesque t1_iuimdxr wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:44 PM

I’m thinking maybe op needs to take all that energy he’s putting towards cuddling with his friend and put it towards bettering his marriage and his relationship with his wife

sprinkletrinket t1_iuikv1e wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:33 PM

Does your wife see it as cheating? Does she even know? If she doesn’t, why haven’t you told her?

Designer-Teaching-27 t1_iuilafp wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:36 PM

You can call it what you want. We call it cheating.

yowen2000 t1_iuil4v2 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:35 PM

The rule is: if you have to ask / if you think it would upset your s/o, it's probably cheating.

You came here to ask. So yeah, this is cheating. You need express permission from your wife for this to not be cheating. All you did was give each other permission, which isn't worth much.

WRose287 t1_iuill8e wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:38 PM

You need to ask your wife if SHE is comfortable with this.

Personally, I wouldn't be. Especially since it's a case of "I don't have this at home and want to have it outside". To me, I would only do it after talking to my wife and asking how to resolve this any other way and ask if she would be comfortable with this.

nomasslurpee t1_iuilm3d wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:38 PM

Would your wife be a fan of this? If not, you've probably crossed a line.

If you have to ask, you've crossed a line.

Gh0st1011001 t1_iuiltbw wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:40 PM

I think if your wife knew about it and if it wasn’t a problem andddd if it’s that normal to you then you wouldn’t be asking. It may not be the most blatant form of cheating but it is crossing a line that could escalate eventually.

whatsmypassword73 t1_iuimdji wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:43 PM

Yah I can’t imagine my husband of thirty years cuddling someone other than me, that’s a hard pass. You’ve just concocted your own rationalization because you want to do it. Not cool.

PusssieHound t1_iuinomf wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:52 PM

Very inappropriate. That behavior needs to stop immediately. Ask yourself this, would you mind if your wife was doing some cuddling with another dude. Like in case she didn't like cuddling with you, but another dude, yes. Ask if you would be okay with that.

TotalLoose8308 t1_iuiw6e8 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:48 PM

>I cuddle with a friend (who’s also married.) Funny enough, I still have sex with my wife.

Yea, dude, the fact that you need to justify it with "funny enough" that you have sex with your wife shows YOU know it's sex adjacent. YOU have that association.

>and we classify this as not cheating

I'm sure you two do rationalize your cheating with each other. I can "classify" the sun as a bright ball of cheese to myself if I want, but we both know it aint.

>It can be very affectionate at times, just never sexual.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

If it's not cheating, you have nothing to hide, and will be more than happy to make sure your wife and her husband feel the same way. Why go to reddit instead of your spouses for another view?

Oh right, because you're cheating and you know it.

gogoruskigas t1_iuili4j wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:38 PM

Yes bro this is obvs cheating, but it's not terribly bad. Continue if you dare but your conscience is telling you it's wrong ha

mechtil_d t1_iuilwz7 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:40 PM

It depends. Does your wife see it as cheating? Then you’re cheating. Are you lying about cuddling with another woman or keeping it hidden from your wife in any way? Then it’s probably cheating. Your wife’s actions are her own, it doesn’t make your actions cheating or not cheating.

[deleted] OP t1_iuim0kj wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:41 PM

[deleted]

misterk2020 t1_iuimdwo wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:44 PM

At a minimum you are crossing the line. You’re playing with fire as sooner or later you’re going to cross the line.

relaxative_666 t1_iuinj5v wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:51 PM

Why are you asking us? Ask your wife. That should be the only opinion that should matter to you.

My opinion: I consider cuddling as being intimate, if you cuddle with someone other than your SO, you're cheating.

SkyueQuox t1_iuirpqz wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:19 PM

It is not up to you and/or your friend to decide if this is cheating. Only your and her partner can decide if this is cheating.

This would be the same as me saying "oh fucking another guy with no emotional connection is not cheating."

AutoModerator t1_iuikp4k wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:32 PM

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

brooke1092 t1_iuilwiv wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:40 PM

I am not sure it is cheating, but it veeeery well could be crossing some boundaries.

True_Pineapple517 t1_iuip7du wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:02 PM

That is not a line I’d be toeing if I cared about my marriage.

fubar_68 t1_iuiqvk2 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:13 PM

If your wife comes to my house and crawls in my bed and we cuddle for a few hours are you ok with that? Ask your wife if she thinks it’s cheating.

LordLuscius t1_iuir5c7 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:15 PM

If it's OK with your partners. Me and a freind still cuddle with a mutual ex/it's complicated, and it's fine with her current bf. Hell we had a cuddle pile, me, her and her boyfreind once. Thing is, if your coming here to ask, instead of talking to your respective partners, something tells me it's cheating

Snowmist92 t1_iuisb1n wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:23 PM

Anything intimate that your partner wouldn't want you doing with another person behind their back or to their face can classify as cheating. This could be a kiss, a butt slap, flirting etc... It all depends in what boundaries are set in the relationship.

Antique-Macaroon208 t1_iuit5ee wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:28 PM

My BF is a cuddly man and I’d probably be ok with him cuddling others as long as he still cuddled with me.

But the fact that you had to point out your lack of intimacy with your wife pushes this into cheating territory for me. Cuddling friends INSTEAD of your wife is not ok. Unless your wife is fine with it and you two have a mutual understanding, in which case there’s no problem. Also, how does your friend’s partner feel about it?

In these crazy days when simply having friends of different genders is considered “cheating” you’re probably going to get pushback on this.

MarioZ1235 t1_iuit64j wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:28 PM

You should probably ask your wife. But you're really playing with fire here. I'd say there is a 95% chance of you hooking up with your friend sooner or later if you keep this game up.

OnehappyOwl44 t1_iuit8rt wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:29 PM

Would you do it if your wife was in the room? Would she be ok with it if you told her about it? If the answer to these questions is no, then you're doing something deceitful and betraying your wife.

Islandmilk t1_iuit920 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:29 PM

Emotionally cheating on your wife

Appropriate_Title135 t1_iuittaj wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:33 PM

What if your wife would do that. How would you feel? That’s definitely inappropriate and you should stop this shit

Ryeguy108 t1_iuix48y wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:54 PM

Your getting into emotional/physical cheating territory by showing affection (aka cuddling) with another person. Touching and cuddling a person that isn’t your wife for most people is considered off limits. Also she doesn’t sound like a friend, friends normally don’t cuddle each other. People who romantically interested in each other cuddle.

Suspicious-Classic-9 t1_iujolcm wrote on October 31, 2022 at 8:59 PM

yeah i’d say it is, imagine randomly walking into a room with it happening as the other person in the marriage, how would you feel?

out of curiosity, do you have kids with your wife?

Cuddling with another person when you’re married

Comments