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[deleted]

A boundary is usually about refusing to accept poor behavior from another - like, no cheating.

Control is about making someone else do something to your standards - like, dress the way I want you to, clean the house to my specifications.

Can you share some examples?

We would be able to tell you if that is reasonable or controlling.

But generically speaking, besides the big no-nos (cheating/flirting).

This a a fair baseline:

• I have these boundaries about myself that you want to respect. Healthy
• I have this boundary that I am placing on you that dedicates your behavior. Bad.

[deleted]

So a recent break up just occurred and I’m somewhat reflecting on if certain behaviours exhibited (from my partner) were ‘right’. I would often question myself if I was misunderstanding something. So here are a few examples:

• Being set a ‘curfew’, I couldn’t be out with friends of either sex in a pub/bar/event/social setting past 21:00.
• Being told that I could not go somewhere if women were present (like the gym).
• Being let on that visiting family 1-2 times a week was not a good thing.
• Unable to attend birthdays or parties of friends.
• Family holidays (or of any kind) were a big no.
• Expected to reply to messages/ texts in certain timeframes.
• Couldn’t enjoy time alone for hobbies.
• Female coworkers seemed to be frowned upon.

I understand that people have their own views on what they find ‘acceptable’ in a relationship and this will vary depending on the individual. But to be told you “Can’t” or “Won’t” with no particular explanation as to why, other than “I don’t like/want it” I fail to get.

Boundaries are if you do XYorZ I will remove myself from the situation. Controlling is YOU can’t do XYZ or I’ll be mad/punish you. The consequence of boundaries is loss of access so the person behaving poorly can’t continue to harm the person setting the boundary

Oh buddy, that is a whole list of insane red-flag type boundaries. Every single one of those are controlling.

She wasn't looking for a reletionship, she was looking for ownership. Each of those 'boundaries' was to isolate you. She wanted authority over you...

Yikes dude... glad you're out of that one.

She is the prime example of a person you should avoid in dating. Moving forward, please avoid women such as her.

You should edit your post to include those examples.

A boundary doesn't stop you from doing something, it simply establishes a red line that you cannot cross or they'll leave. Controlling behavior is purely coercive

I think deep down I knew that but again, sometimes it can be personal preference. So that I you for putting some clarity to it.

Further to dodging a bullet, after being told I was the love of her life and she continually spoke about a future together (house, marriage, kids), within a month of breaking up she was already involved with a guy she claimed she was “just friends” with.

I feel you there, not exactly what you want to see afterwards.

But its honestly no surprise. People like her are unstable, manipulative, and controlling.

Its kind of ironic how she placed you in hand-cuffs and in turn told you not to worry, we're just friends.