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Silent_Impressions t1_j6n7xxm wrote

I'm a generous tipper, normally 25%,but I was definitely not tipping that when I was 19. While in still think 10% is to low, depending on the total bill, id say its acceptable for a 19 year old.

What more worrying to me is you keep saying that, "WE shouldn't go to place HE can't afford to tip 20%." I understand you work, I understand it was your birthday but if your so concerned about the tip, and clearly this is an issue that has come up before, you should have just offered to pay the 20%.

He did the best he could for you and that was what he could afford. He's 19, give the guy a break

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Misommar1246 t1_j6ngzyv wrote

Can someone explain to me why it has to be percentage in the first place? Why is ordering a more expensive menu item mean higher tip even though the same service was put in by the waiter? That’s one. Number 2, tipping 15% used to be generous, now it’s suddenly not. “BuT inFLatIoN” - inflation means prices on the menu went up too, so 15% is still more than it used to be. I honestly think society itself and especially people like OP are causing this nonsense. 20% of your food price to someone who doesn’t even cook or prepare it but simply caries it over to your table is fucking bonkers, stop pushing for this bullshit. “Don’t eat out unless you can afford to tip” is also nonsense - if we all did that those same waiters would be laid off and with them the kitchen staff. And before you come at me with “but they make 2$” - no, a lot of them don’t. Many, many states have implemented minimum wage for waitstaff now, please people update your outdated talking points. edit: not you OP, I was trying to make a general point.

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aelizabeth3300 t1_j6oavmd wrote

Not that I think the current american tipping system is great, but your tone here is pretty degrading to servers. a LOT of places split tips with front of house and back of house, so the chef does get tipped out, but the server is the only one making less than minimum wage. i agree the wage of the server shouldn’t fall on the customer, but that’s the way it is right now and taking your anger out on the server by not tipping isn’t going to change that fact.

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Misommar1246 t1_j6ocdhj wrote

There is nothing degrading about a reality check. 10-15% for someone bringing food to your table is absolutely generous, especially if they’re paid minimum wage. Lots of minimum wage jobs don’t get tipped and nobody bats an eye about them. I’m not angry about the issue, I’m realistic. People beating others over the head for leaving less than 20% are angry.

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aelizabeth3300 t1_j6ofikj wrote

babe. they DONT make minimum wage. average server hourly wage is usually $2-5/hr.

the degrading part is you implying serving is “just” bringing food to a table. it is much more involved and difficult than that, both physically and mentally. it combines the difficulties of regular customer service with the difficulties of manual labor all rolled into $2 an hour.

again, i agree it shouldn’t be set up this way. and trust me, most servers don’t give a shit about actually getting 20%, we just don’t like when people leave $3 on a $90 tab. also, the reason it is a percentage, however, is because generally the more you’re spending the more work you’re creating for the server (ie more food running, more people to take care of) so they should get paid more for that service.

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------redacted----- t1_j6ov4un wrote

You realize that servers have to tip everyone else out in the restaurant right? Even if we don’t make enough to tip them out, at that point we have to pay out of our own pocket. So you as a customer are NOT just tipping someone for bringing food out. Pretty small of you to think like that.

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pink_gem t1_j6op7z0 wrote

There's a lot of jobs that can be boiled to 'just doing x', but that doesn't make it reality. A server isn't 'just bringing food to the table', just like I don't 'just type words into a computer' as a software engineer.

You are absolutely being reductivistic and it is unhelpful to any other point you are making.

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Misommar1246 t1_j6ouadu wrote

I’m not though. Obviously it’s not as easy as JUST bringing food to a table but there’s a reason it’s a minimum wage job - overall it’s low skill and anyone with a couple of weeks of training can do it. Unless we’re talking about Michelin star quality of knowledge and experience accumulation, you don’t need a degree to be a waiter. I’m saying this as someone who has done it for about a year, it’s not condescending.

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pink_gem t1_j6oyjmz wrote

It's condescending to be a reductivist about this, fyi. If you tell anyone that their job is 'just doing x', it's going to come off condescending.

Take that as you want. You can't say 'it's not condescending'. You are being condescending, whether you want to be or not. If you don't want to be, change the way you communicate in the future.

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chefwalleye t1_j6nhf11 wrote

You were ripping people off when you were 19 then. Servers hate teenagers for this reason. Their mommy and daddy’s give them money to go out and then they pocket every cent they can to go party. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford the bill.

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lucketta t1_j6o6532 wrote

Holy shit you Americans are bizarre. I need to pay my food and the restaurant pays the servers. The stuff you got going there is just bonkers. Paying 20% of my bill to a employee of the restaurant or be mistreated is beyond crazy.

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chefwalleye t1_j6o7re7 wrote

Do you think we chose this system or even have the power to change it? I agree. It’s not logical or productive. But, refusing to tip only hurts the workers and doesn’t change the system. Most Americans that are here to complain about the system are really just cheap and don’t want to pay for anything. If we didn’t have tipping, food prices would increase. Americans can’t handle that either.

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lucketta t1_j6oa375 wrote

Of course you, as a country, chose this system. And of course you or anyone else as a person doesn’t have the power to change it.

That’s irrelevant tho. And for the rest of the world it just feel like you are being ripped off. If someone came to my country and ordered something in my business and I told them that beside my product/service they would have to pay my employees wages too I don’t imagine it would be pretty.

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chefwalleye t1_j6pdwmm wrote

You’re right. I forgot about when we all voted for tipping culture. Tipping culture is ridiculous and if I could change it I would. Is this honesty the only thing you have to feel superior about? You’re restating the most common complaints about a universally disparaged and outdated system like it’s some kind of revelation.

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dedsmiley t1_j6njini wrote

No, 10% is not acceptable based on age. The server is doing the same amount of work as they would for anybody else.

If you can’t afford to tip 20% then go someplace less expensive or eat at home.

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HauntedPickleJar t1_j6nh5y6 wrote

Come on most of us knew that if we were going out to eat then we needed to factor in 20% tip at 19. Age, or financial situation, is not an excuse to be a shit tipper. My mom taught me that and any parent who doesn’t teach their kids that is doing a pretty bad job.

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McSuzy t1_j6n9gm6 wrote

Nonsense.

When I was young I went out less often and to less expensive places. I most certainly didn't decide I could rob my server because I wanted to live high on the hog and then stiff the waiter or leave a paltry tip.

Also, it is quite obvious that this boyfriend wanted to take her out. This is not about her not paying the tip. I guarantee this boy would have a full blown tantrum at the dinner table if she tried to pay the tip.

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chefwalleye t1_j6nhkqg wrote

Thank you for the only realistic take on this

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buffy6949395 t1_j6n8dv8 wrote

I did offer to pay the 20% lol, I also told him the night before we didnt have to go anywhere fancy

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Silent_Impressions t1_j6n90w4 wrote

Ok great but hes still 19. He wanted to do something special for you on your birthday with what he could afford. I get your worried about the server but there really was no reason to bring up the tip. I mean even if you felt that the server was undertipped, just got back to the restaurant the next day and tip the server without him there. idk I'm just saying that there are better ways to handle it

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buffy6949395 t1_j6neo42 wrote

and i was 19 the day before yesterday. i love that he wanted to do something special but it was never expected or asked. i definitely agree i should have handled it better, but i just felt bad for the waitress, especially having worked as one myself

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Silent_Impressions t1_j6ngghl wrote

I completely understand. My view point is also from someone who waited tables in college. I was poor as hell but on special occasions I tried to do the best I could for the people I cared about. He likely was thinking the same.

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Misommar1246 t1_j6nio4m wrote

You’re strongarming your boyfriend over this at your birthday. Whether you approve or not, he organized it, he picked it and he can pay whatever he wants. And no, you can’t just butt in to make up for the rest. If you are paying, you can pay whatever you want but if you’re going to pressure other people into what you believe is right, you will lose them.

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idleigloo t1_j6ngsve wrote

Ok, why is he so passive aggressive that he's swearing to himself?

I totally get it. It's more than the tip. You told him your preference for your birthday and not only did he ignore it, he refused to let you make it right.

Honestly your bf does not sound compatible with me and I'd have left him. He obviously cares more about his self serving image of your birthday than listen to what you actually want.

He also made it pretty clear that he probably never intends to tip well at all. This is who he is. If you think you can make it work then try it from that angle, accepting him being cheap and suggesting to him that he let you pick up his slack...or is he just determined to short servers?

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