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CrystalQueen3000 t1_j6nhufi wrote

You do realise that as a 30 year old dating someone whose brain isn’t fully developed yet that you’re one of those men that you’re worried about right?

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[deleted] OP t1_j6nioup wrote

[deleted]

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angradillo t1_j6njdfi wrote

gross, and you met them at work? only missing “I’m her boss” for the full trifecta of power imbalance.

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SadEngine42069 t1_j6nj84i wrote

Right, but it does kinda matter. She's 20, quite young, and probably pretty immature. Plenty of 20 year olds go out and really go hard with the drinking. If that's what she wants to do, she's going to do it, and you can't really stop her.

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Chaoticgood790 t1_j6nnej2 wrote

As someone who is 30 there is something creepy about being “close friends” with a college kid.

Because they feel like kids at this point.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6novvi wrote

[deleted]

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Chaoticgood790 t1_j6nrkvy wrote

She is college aged dude. Stop playing obtuse. No one is buying the bullshit

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[deleted] OP t1_j6ntpjn wrote

[deleted]

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on3day t1_j6nv1v9 wrote

You said you weren't here fo discuss the age gap, yet here you are.

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almightygarlicdoggo t1_j6nlbe1 wrote

> she made the first move

Don't use that as an excuse, because that's not a valid excuse. As a more mature adult, you are supposed to know when some decision made by someone much more inexperienced is wrong. She made the move but you allowed it to continue.

> I'm not here to discuss the age gap in our relationship because we have already spoken a lot about it and we are at terms with it.

You brought this on yourself. It's clear that you're not at terms with it since you are concerned about her going out. Deal with your decision, she's much younger and in a completely different stage in life.

If you thought she was responsible enough to date you, surely you should know that she's responsible enough to go out with her friends. Don't let her feel bad about it. Dating you shouldn't deprive her of enjoying her 20s.

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jabmwr t1_j6nljmo wrote

20 year olds are somewhat naive in life and relationships. Her brain isn’t fully developed regarding impulse control and decision making - this is something you can’t change and will effect your relationships and her actions/responses. As a 30 year old man, you’re going to deal with a lot of anxiety and stress as she grows, establishes herself/ego, and makes mistakes. That’s part of growing up…making mistakes. Y’all are clearly at different life stages.

All you can do is talk about safety and I hope her friend and she have each other’s backs.

Also, just because she came onto you, doesn’t mean you were obligated to reciprocate.

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wiccja t1_j6nj0fz wrote

didn’t read past the age gap, seek help.

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sweetiepotpie t1_j6nm7jg wrote

I know your gf is 10 years younger than you 😐 but stop infantilizing her. 20 year olds go out and party. If you want someone past the partying stage, date someone in your age group

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SaikaTheCasual t1_j6nmdtz wrote

I don’t think a dude dating a 10 year younger woman who’s barely an adult should complain about “creeps“ and people “taking advantage“ of naive women.

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Chaoticgood790 t1_j6nnao5 wrote

If you don’t want to date someone who is young and wants to live like a college kid…don’t date a college kid

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on3day t1_j6nv8n4 wrote

It's also kind of weird not to let her have the years that he did have.

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Chaoticgood790 t1_j6nvl3c wrote

I agree. And then act shocked pikachu that they want to live out their early 20s

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biopticstream t1_j6njc9w wrote

Your girl is a grown woman and she deserves to have a good time and let loose with her friend. Don't be a buzzkill by trying to control her every move. That's just not cool, man.

She knows how to handle herself and if she gets too wasted, her friend will be there to look out for her. Plus, she's in a whole different country, she's not gonna be bumping into any creeps she knows.

Just let her live a little and have a good time. Trust that she won't do anything she'll regret. And if she does happen to run into any sleazy dudes, she's smart enough to handle herself.

But if you're really that worried, just tell her how you feel. Let her know you're concerned for her safety and that you just want her to be careful. But don't try to control her every move. That's just not cool, bro.

And for the love of God, don't be a clingy BF. Let her have her space and have fun with her friend. She'll appreciate it and you'll have a happier relationship for it.

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Herbrugglesbezos t1_j6nj9l5 wrote

While I can understand your anxiety about this, I gotta tell ya, it's a man's world. Women aren't really safe no matter where we go, what we do, what we wear, what we say. That's just the facts. Yes, we can attempt to mitigate possible dangers but it's a crap shoot, either way. Like, for instance, she could correctly identify her Uber driver and he could assault her, as has happened many times. Cab drivers, cops, neighbors, boyfriends, husbands, fathers, uncles. Anyone with a penis is potentially dangerous. It's cute that you think she would be safe in her hotel room. Safer? Yeah, I guess. But we aren't even safe in our own homes. There is nowhere safe for us, unfortunately.

You can tell her you're concerned about her being inebriated in a foreign country and ask if she has a plan for transportation after the nightclub or whatever but honestly? It's your anxiety to deal with because she has her own constant low-level anxiety that she deals with every single minute of every single day. If she can deal with hers, you can deal with yours.

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runningaway67907 t1_j6nuflq wrote

If you don't want your barely out of highschool girlfriend to party like a 20 yr old , maybe date someone your own age who wants to stay home and be old with you .

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