So TIFU by eating too much meat

This actually happened a while ago while I was in C-School for the Navy, and I never thought to put this here till a few days ago.

I'll try to make this short...

(after finishing I realize this is not short, and I'm sorry)

So a bunch of friends I'd made during my three or so months at C-School were all hanging out for one of the friends Birthdays. We'd all put in a little over a hundred dollars on this site for meat so we could have this BBQ. B-day boy went to go pick it up, and B-day boy ended up cooking it because he was excited to finally have Japanese Wagyu steak again. We ended up also getting kobe burgers, and expensive hotdogs.

So he's preparing it, and I'm seeing these wonderful cuts for the first time, and we're drinking beers, and just chatting about random stuff.

Fast forward to my fat-ass having tasted some of the best meat I've ever had.

On my 3th or so steak, 2 hotdogs, and like 2 burgers, I was pretty stuffed.

Each day that went by, I never felt the urge to poop.

*I'm sure you know where this is going, but it's worse...*

on day 4, I decided to poop. Not because I felt like I needed to let one out, but because I knew he was up in there, hiding, and growing in size.

It was around 2330 (1130) when I made the decision.

I went into the head (bathroom) and prepared to struggle. My brain must've understood that I was trying to poo, because I immediately felt my body begin to send the "it's time to release the load" feeling to my lower region. nothing was happening. I struggled to produce even a single coco-puff-sized something, but literally nothing happened. Then I could feel something really large slowly making its way into existence. I started to realize I should've tried to remove this a lot sooner.

Three other days worth of filth had compacted into this birthday meat, and I realized I was about to give birth to a large child.

I started subtly worrying/panicking. I started thinking I was going to need my shit surgically removed. Think of the largest shit you could ever have being so large it not only hurts, but you start to realize there's no way that you'll be able to pass the log through that opening. I gripped the walls, and could feel my face going red as I struggled.

Then I could feel myself stretching.

I immediately stopped. I've never felt such pain. I've had a handful of sand thrown directly into my eyes, and that didn't compare. I pushed, and started breathing heavy. I started thinking I was literally about to die in a fucking bathroom like Elvis did because I ate too much meat. I pushed again, and used my sphincter to attempt to snip, but it was like a bowling ball. I tried compressing it from within, and that literally sent spikes of pain throughout my lower regions.

I began to cry. I pushed, squeezed, and tried to snip as much as I could. I was sweating profusely. my thighs went numb. I remembered that stupid fucking advertisement for the poop stool with the unicorn you elevate your legs on to help pass things easier, and took a break to go get something to prop my legs on. I wiped and noticed a lot of blood.

I returned, and upon elevating my legs, noticed the difference. The orb within me was more willing to leave, I just needed to accommodate its size. I kept struggling, and back to crying, regretting eating all that wonderful steak. I pushed past the pain, and could no longer snip. It began to crown. I pushed, and pushed, and eventually, the width of me matched the log. It did not slide out. There was so much resistance, but eventually, I painfully got it out.

It felt like I shat out my organs. I painfully wiped the blood and shit away as carefully as I could without agitating the already agitated exit. Then the toilet wouldn't flush. It was so massive it didn't even appear like the toilet did anything to it (All I'll say is I got rid of it). I left the bathroom to see my roommate knocked out. Three hours, and twenty or so minutes had passed. I climbed into bed, and curled up into fetal position. I know it's my fault, but I didn't know. I've had Fogo De Chau, and Texas De Brazil with no problems. I don't know what made that meat so different.

TL;DR: I ate a bunch of expensive meat