Being lonely sucks

Very mature of you both. Happy things went well.

So now you can be lonely together… I think?

Sweet sweet loneliness

Honestly, being as young as you are (I’m 38 and still feel like I’m only just figuring things out) you have shown maturity that I absolutely didn’t have at that age. Probably because I’m a male and a big boof head. Stay true to yourself mate it will never fail you. BIG HUGS! Hahaha

So you told him you're not into it and he agreed.... Seems totally legit.

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They're definitely going to end up dating. I'm calling it right now

We will see

Ended on a somewhat positive note..

I tell you guys now, they'll be together within 4 years, update us in 4 years alright?

I'm in a kinda same situation. someone I like told me that he liked me and I said I don't wanna be in a relationship rn and I'm afraid I'll lose him and the friendship we have rn if we took some steps forward and he was so understanding and said that he respected my choice but ever since that day I can't stop thinking about him or wanting to get closer to him. He's on my mind 24/7. I really don't know what to do

Have you tried talking to him? “Hey you know how I said I didn’t want to see where things went with us? Yeah I changed my mind, get your dick out.”

Imagine being lonely and having the ability to turn down romantic advances. This is a power I yearn for, but not one I would know how to wield.

As a dumbass who just learned to stop banging everyone at almost 40, good on y’all for the self awareness

And that's how I met your mother.

If it's someone you can't stand I'm sure you can muster some strength to turn them down.🤣

You will have lots of "friends" in your life, hardly any "I can't stop thinking about him". You will likely regret not exploring this later in life. My 2c.

I was in a similar situation. Someone confessed to me, and even though I liked him too, my last relationship had been really bad. I wasn't sure how to be in one again, and told him that I wasn't ready. I was scared that this decision, my rejection of hin, would ultimately change our friendship dynamic, or he'd withdraw from me, but he didn't. He didn't change at all. Didn't treat me differently. Didn't push. A few months later, I initiated conversation with him, and we're together now.

It's scary. I was terrified of losing this person who made me laugh every day. It had a happened before. I think that if he is worth it, he will think that you are worth it, too. If it was meant to be, he will wait, and treat you kindly. First and foremost, you need to be ready and at peace with yourself.

"at almost 40" is this a speed setting or an age sir?

can confirm. I am 38 and don't know anything

I genuinely hope that my children will be anywhere near this mature at your age. Kudos to you and your friend.

That's awesome I'm glad you both could talk about that and are comfortable with it! This also proves that friendship sometimes just is friendship even between man and women. And even if you end up dating in case feelings in the future might change, the communication between you two will be top notch

No more cuddling w the bros

This is important

College can be lonely for sure, so when you find the right friends -- really invest in one another. Also, it's really mature of you to be able to talk it out and accept the understanding of what's not just within, but around you. Perhaps a nice warm blanket + whatever genre of movies you like and a cup of cocoa would help. Put time into others outside of 1-on-1s is always a good approach too.

You’ll figure it all out when you turn 39 like me. Lol, jk. I too don’t know anything.

you are the most mature person on reddit, where's the award for that??

Not to worry. By the time you hit 50 you won’t remember not knowing anything.

No, seriously..I can’t remember anything now.

56 here. I still haven’t figured it out.

It begs the question, 40/xx?

I kind of went the other way. I was overly cautious. And often hid my feelings for someone completely. I also absolutely refused to show any interest at all and girls that my friends were interested in, my friends ex-girlfriends, my friends younger or older sisters or friends of an ex girlfriend. Retrospectively I have learned that I missed out on a lot of relationships that could possibly have been very good relationships. Unfortunately the few times that I did end up mentioning that I had feelings for someone in one of those categories it was usually too late at that point the moment had passed.

You did the right thing. I, 35M, have a female bestie that everyone swears we would be perfect together. We both have been through messy relationships and are just happy to still have each other. She's still getting over a rough divorce, and you can see the progress from a few years ago. There are times that I feel we would be amazing together, but I wouldn't trade that friendship for anything. Even now, after almost 20 years of being close friends, we still call each other up randomly and hang out til the wee hours cooking, watching shows, talking, doing puzzles, or going out places like in college. Maybe one day down the road we'll end up being more, but I can confidently say that I'm glad we never tried forcing it to that next stage from peer pressure.

Knowing you know nothing is still knowing something.

You acknowledge you don’t know everything and that’s something many people lack.

To me when that happens it means you missed the signals and that you are in denial of liking the other person after all.

Somethings we auto do this or as they call it "self sabatoge"(typo?)

I say reach out to him to see how hes doing and if hes still single and to ask him on a date since its in your court now.

To bad many people never understand this or are scared to get into that relationship due to their past or what ever.

I know it has happened to me and it leads to regrets which is always the worse feeling and staying a "what if" and what if that would have turned into a fun relationship and not just stay a friendship?

Yeah i mean to me moments like these just tell me that some people are soo defensive and acared to take the next step so they stay where they are.

In their case it aint too bad because they both seem to be the same so maybe thats good for them to heal

Yup especially when you dont have anyone or even people/friends to chat with even about stuff like this

Good news. Once you cross 40 you'll know everything. Much of it will be wrong, but what's important is that you'll be sure of it.

What you boofin tho?

That's somekind simillar to how I started dating my best friend, at first I confessed to her and she didn't reciprocated but we were in good terms and still hanged out frequently (by frequently I mean a lot).

But suddenly (for me), after a couple months, she told me she really liked me out of the blue, I was greatly surprised and happy because I felt the same and now she's my grilfriend! I'm a lucky man.

Perhaps your friend still has feelings for you, I think you should give it a try and confess your feelings, I think he might feel the same; but if not, I'm sure he will understand. Gather your courage! I'm sure both of you will continue having an awesome relationship regardless of the outcome! My sweetheart also feared losing me but I reassured her that that wouldn't happen, good luck to both of you!

Being fifty I can relate.

Fwb never hurt no one

Now kiss

Damn I’m 37 and was hoping this was the year

You made it all the way to 50 before you forgot everything? Lucky you! I’m 41, and I can’t remember what I did this morning.

I wish I were mature enough to "communicate" when I was 18.

It's not exactly related to your situation but my best advice going forward is to never date someone from your friend pool. If you are interested in someone you meet, let them know that from the start. Transitioning from friend to something more almost always shakes out to be a dramatic nightmare.

Don't be afraid to approach someone you are interested in, you don't have to wait for them to make the first move as long as you are open and respectful.

Honesty and communication beats the hell out of the emotional game-playing you see so much with people in their teens and 20s. You sound like you've got a good start on it and that really is the key to every good relationship.

Damn, that last sentence got me. I'm 31, back at college, and have never felt more alone in my life

💋 Mwah

The only problem is, young people are supposed to be immature not mature. And if they never do the immature things, they never develop the experience that actually matures them.

Making no mistakes at age 19 is a huge mistake.

I'm 39 (going on 40) and know all sorts of shit because I acted out my idiocy when I was younger.

Acting mature is overrated in the immature.

Relate to what?

Antifreeze. Getting ready for winter.

Yes you do. You're just afraid to do it because you're young and you think a life without mistakes is better than a life with mistakes.

You're wrong though. Mistakes are how we improve. Your platonic friendship, that innocent period before your mutual attraction became conscious, is over.

I think one of the hardest things about communicating with young people is they don't understand just how much having regrets hurts.

speed

Sometimes when there are people I can't stand, I imagine how overjoyed I'd be to see them if I had lived on an alien freightliner for 20 years without seeing another human, and then one day we roll into port and I'm unloading containers of plasma coils and there's that person I hate, eating a bowl of grosh wurms and looking lonely.

The present is always rotting.

I genuinely hope my children will be immature when they're kids so that they can be actually mature as adults and not just faking maturity their whole lives, confusing safety for wisdom.

why make mistakes that you already know to avoid?

OP doesn't know if this is a mistake or not. Comment OP is confusing "risk aversion" for "maturity" here.

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Aye a happy ending. You guys had a deep talk about maybe having feelings for each other and if you wanted to pursue it and then both mutually agreed to hold off on that. That's a friend you need to keep!

Who is this?

I believe you u/buttlickka. Lmao.

Idk… they did say in their post they realized it was mostly pressure from other people.

Where am I?

It sounds like the guy handled it like a pro from his end.

Lol you big “boofer” you didn’t even need to tell us how old you are , we could’ve guessed by your words alone. Lol. (No offense tho, just being silly)

Ye olde English?

You may be right actually. From her original post:

> I proceeded to think about it all night and have come to the conclusion I have feelings for him.

Thinking all night is not a very good way to detect feelings.

I understand it but my brain still cba to care or do better for the future 😭

Lol ye olde “common sayings in the 80s”

And then you cross 65, knowing that you do know everything and you are sure of it ecause you know that it IS correct!...but you just can't remember it...

I’m so happy to read your update! And I’m so impressed by how well you two handled things. This is very level headed and mature. It can be so easy to fall into the same flow and feel pressured into a relationship but you handled this so well. I imagine you have a lot more mature traits that will help you be successful in your future.

All the best to you both!

Or maybe sometimes we're too scared of having regrets?

Like now I'm stopping myself from being with him because I'm afraid I'll regret it later

I forgot…

It's nice to play it safe. Hopefully this takes the pressure off and further in time if there's still interest you can explore then.

best mature friendzoning

In fairness she also is neurodivergent, so sometimes this is actually the best way to detect feelings because you wouldn't be sure otherwise

You'll regret not doing something much more than you'll regret doing something, in general.