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alltaken123467 t1_j8z2muk wrote

My best advice is for her to always have ear buds in (not so loud that she can’t hear her surroundings); sit in the very front car by the conductor; don’t make eye contact with men; and just act like she can’t hear them when they try to talk to her.

It freaking sucks, but that’s what I’ve learned to do and it’s worked thus far. It still pisses me off though that women have to put up with this shit everyday.

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SoftStock2163 t1_j8zdznt wrote

I agree I’m a female student who takes the metro and I recommend always having headphones on (usually only one ear so I can be aware of surroundings) and don’t make eye contact!!! I also carry pepper spray just in case

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frankie_fudgepop t1_j8zeeqj wrote

I often wear headphones with nothing playing. So I can hear what’s going on around me but look like I’m not open to conversation

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Gilmoregirlin t1_j8zmq5b wrote

I do this too and while I think it deters some and is worth it it does not deter all. I have had men scream at me to get me to hear them.

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plasmainthezone t1_j92ad4w wrote

Im a guy and this happens all the time. Headphones dont deter everyone, they will even get more loud.

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topher180 t1_j903auu wrote

I’m really glad you carry pepper spray and despite its legality I hate it can’t be more easily obtained in the district. Just please, please be careful and not use it in a confined space like a crowded train. That can go very badly.

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burntsiennaa t1_j8zzmik wrote

If you’re like me and you’re the type to not want to discharge a taser or pepper spray bc your anxiety tells you “uhhh maybe I’m totally reading this wrong, maybe it’d cause a scene, maybe etc” they also make alarms you can get that’ll make a big enough noise to divert attention. Not the same but in case she doesn’t want to carry pepper spray!

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zerostyle t1_j8zige6 wrote

Ear buds is good advice. I don't use them for this reason, but I find it helps keep some panhandlers away as well.

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Geogirl21 t1_j91iz9m wrote

I also agree on the earbuds. I got a pair of noise cancelling headphones that also have a hear-through mode that makes sounds around you slightly clearer. It’s a bit more overwhelming for the sound, but worth it to appear like you can’t hear them while being completely aware

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[deleted] t1_j91c6ko wrote

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frankie_fudgepop t1_j91f3iz wrote

Dude, in my experience men try to “mind their own business” when this goes down. I’ve only been helped out by fellow women in these scenarios. I’ve point blank ASKED men to help me out in these types of situations and had them walk away. Sure, not all men, but enough men behave this way to give men a bad reputation.

I love it when women share their lived experiences and ppl like you come to tell us we’re wrong.

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[deleted] t1_j91jt17 wrote

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frankie_fudgepop t1_j91kdb6 wrote

Not really sure how this is relevant to the discussion at hand (ways for women to stay safe and get help on public transit).

Good luck with…everything. I think you have some, uh, personal stuff to work on.

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annang t1_j92l8o7 wrote

You calling women you don’t know “ho€s” really gives me confidence that you’d step up to help a stranger feel safe from gender-based harassment. /s

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[deleted] t1_j91iz4u wrote

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twenty-six-sixty-six t1_j91kocp wrote

real talk bro, you might not wanna call them hoes as part of your argument defending men

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[deleted] t1_j91mqpd wrote

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twenty-six-sixty-six t1_j91n98i wrote

you say you don't give a fuck, but it clearly bothers you

personally i'd recommend taking it all in stride, and understand that the shit people say on reddit has very little contact with real life. everyone on reddit is trying to show off that one gender studies class they took 7 years ago, but people in real life are just trying to get by

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[deleted] t1_j91nno5 wrote

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twenty-six-sixty-six t1_j91nwe4 wrote

you're not doing a good job challenging anything, you're just coming off as easily upset

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VoodooGirl47 t1_j93u796 wrote

Nah, he's just proving that he truly is an incel. Let him do his thing. He's having fun waving that flag around and everyone else knows that he's not worth our time.

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annang t1_j92le6j wrote

You’re behaving like a creep. If you want fewer women to think that men are creeps, stop acting like one and perpetuating the stereotype. Because you’re actively harming the reputation of your gender when you say this crap.

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alltaken123467 t1_j92yd79 wrote

This comment made me laugh. We’re talking about actions we can take to feel safe in public transport and your take away is that we think ‘all men are the devil’. That is hilarious to me!

I’m happily married, professionally successful, and have a heathy and loving friend group. However, when I take public transport, none of that matters.

I’ve had men who I don’t know yell that they want to fuck me and then scream bitch when I ignore them. I’ve had strange men smell my hair on the metro, touch my hair on the metro, try to get me to go on dates, ask me if I’ve ever fucked a black guy, and had one dude punch the window in front of me after I ignored his requests to fuck. Alllll I’m trying to do is go to work or come home from work and all of that happens.

No one helped me- not once. So I’ve developed a system to reduce the likelihood of unwanted attention. If that system hurts your feelings, it seems like a ‘you’ problem. Personally, I feel great!

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