The IFS model says that unburdenings are permanent. So if an unburdening is done fully, then theoretically that burden is removed forever from the Exile. This is typically what I see.
That said, if an unburdening was not done throughoughly, an Exile might need the person to go back to really finish a part of the process. Most often this means more witnessing.
In addition, an Exile can have more than one burden. So the Exile could still be a burdened part if the other burden(s) haven't been removed.
Another scenario in which an Exile's unburdening can be "undone" is when that process was not facilitated by Self, but by a Self-Like Part. These are parts that resemble Self because they have similar qualities (like compassion, curiosity, care) but are actually parts and have their own agenda. It can be difficult to identify these parts, even IFS therapists might not realize a client is in a Self-Like Part if the therapist is not alert to the possibility. (More info on Self-Like Parts here - https://seekdeeply.com/ifs-therapy-guide-6-most-common-self-like-parts-framework-blog-post/ ... I'm offering a free workshop on how to untangle yourself from these parts: https://seekdeeply.com/workshop-ifs-therapy/)
Theoretically, if an Exile was unburdened via the therapist's Self rather than the client's, then that part might still mistrust the client's Self.
Hope this helps! Follow up with more questions if you like.
Great question. Jay Earley's approach is to have people apply "classic IFS" to themselves. (Classic IFS = the way IFS is traditionally done with a therapist, it's what you'd learn in an IFS training.) The problem is, when we're doing parts work on our own, classic IFS alone isn't sufficient. Why? When we try this:
We try to contain ourselves and guide the process while we're in it. This immediately splits us away from being truly present and away from authentically accepting what arises. This gets us out of Self and into a managerial part
If we think we're in Self and we're not, our other parts are likely to mistrust us and stop the process. They might even start mistrusting IFS itself.
Ultimately, expecting ourselves to be able to do classic IFS on ourselves is a set-up for failure ... which then leads to thinking we're at fault. Or even worse, that something is inherently wrong with us that we can't get into Self.
Speaking from both clinical and personal experience here! (I used to wonder if something was wrong with my Self energy.)
Caveat: Trying "classic IFS" does work for some people for a short amount of time. But it seems that once our parts figure out what we're doing, they refuse to participate. It's very common to have initial success with doing IFS on yourself (via classic IFS) and then find that it just doesn't go anywhere. Talk about confusing and frustrating!
TL;DR: I teach people rituals to provide containment and a skillset that sidesteps this no-therapist-present problem. Jay Earley's book can be useful for learning the principles of IFS as long as you take it lightly and know something extra is needed to make IFS a lifelong self-healing tool
LucilleAaronWayne OP t1_j8n114n wrote
Reply to comment by Open_Comparison_5155 in Hi, I'm Lucille Aaron-Wayne, MA - Certified IFS therapist (Internal Family Systems therapy). Ask me anything! by LucilleAaronWayne
The IFS model says that unburdenings are permanent. So if an unburdening is done fully, then theoretically that burden is removed forever from the Exile. This is typically what I see.
That said, if an unburdening was not done throughoughly, an Exile might need the person to go back to really finish a part of the process. Most often this means more witnessing.
In addition, an Exile can have more than one burden. So the Exile could still be a burdened part if the other burden(s) haven't been removed.
Another scenario in which an Exile's unburdening can be "undone" is when that process was not facilitated by Self, but by a Self-Like Part. These are parts that resemble Self because they have similar qualities (like compassion, curiosity, care) but are actually parts and have their own agenda. It can be difficult to identify these parts, even IFS therapists might not realize a client is in a Self-Like Part if the therapist is not alert to the possibility. (More info on Self-Like Parts here - https://seekdeeply.com/ifs-therapy-guide-6-most-common-self-like-parts-framework-blog-post/ ... I'm offering a free workshop on how to untangle yourself from these parts: https://seekdeeply.com/workshop-ifs-therapy/)
Theoretically, if an Exile was unburdened via the therapist's Self rather than the client's, then that part might still mistrust the client's Self.
Hope this helps! Follow up with more questions if you like.