It's hard to feel bad about something I know won't be changing any time soon. What's the point? I'd just feel like shit the whole time with nothing happening, and that just doesn't sound appealing. Do I, objectively speaking, know and understand that this is all fucked up and whatnot? That I should just own up and accept my fate? Yes. Absolutely. But if I'm being honest. I'm not going to. Not yet. That time will come. I'll accept whatever karma or shit gets thrown my way. Not gonna complain about it. I'll deserve it. But until then. I'm just gonna ride this out and just let things be things. Is that fucked? Yes. But it is what it is at this point 🤷

I wasn't? You assumed so on your own. As stated in my last comment, we all make mistakes. As such, we all join those who have shared on the internet as people who have made mistakes. Not all put it out there. But all do make mistakes.

🤷

I expect there to be all kinds of people on the internet. Those who will call me out for what I'm doing. And those who agree with it and would encourage it. Just kind of leaving it up to the internet to do its thing. Whatever it may be.

Truth is, between myself and G1. I work while she does not. If I'm leeching from anyone, it's her mother who also works and gets the bills paid. I do give her mother some money from each of my paychecks so as to contribute. While I also pay for groceries and other house necessities as they come and as I can. I cook and clean here and there. So, in my defense, I'm not totally useless when it comes to contributing.

My issue comes more so in my lack of savings because I just don't see the point 90% of the time. If I die tomorrow and have a million saved, what good did it do me? None. Maybe to the people I leave behind, but to me, nothing. And it's that thought process I've been fighting against in order to do better.

All that said, it has nothing to do with the shitty things I'm doing. My lack of savings and my way of thinking do not excuse me from what's going on. I'm being an asshole and that's that. There will never be an excuse for it.

I do appreciate the advice provided. Thank you. Here's where my mind is at. As soon as I have a place separate from G1, be it an apartment or a car, I will break things off. I will own up to what I've done because she deserves to know. I can't say I will do it before then. I accept that it makes me even more of a shitty person, but I'm just not cut out for life on the streets. Do I deserve it? Yes. But I'm not going down that road. Sorry. I won't be pursuing anything with G2 as she's not the type of girl I'd want to associate myself with if I'm planning on being a better person. I plan to take the time to be alone and consider what I've done, what I plan to do with my life, and basically become self-sustaining before even considering another relationship. And beyond that, make the choice to separate from anyone I do not wish to be with before engaging with anyone else. Will I succeed in all of this? Idk. But I can only work towards and hope to be a better person 1, 2, 5 years from now.

Yes, we do. Everyone makes mistakes. Some are worse than others. This is among the worst. Not my decision to say what I said. But what is going on beyond that. But everyone makes mistakes. No matter how hard you try to avoid them. Whether you realize it or not. We're all human. We all make mistakes. That doesn't excuse the decisions we make when we make them. But it's just a natural course of human existence.

While I accept what you're saying. You misunderstood what I meant. The decision to say what I said is what I meant here. What I'm doing is just me being a piece of shit. And that is on me. I'll accept that all day.

You're right.

I can accept the manipulation claim for G1. But G2 knows everything, and up until last night, was fine with how things are. I suppose if you mean my attempts at "fixing" things as manipulation, I can see that. But in the end, I'm accepting of whatever outcome I get from my situation. As a whole. Not just the fuck up I wrote about. But 100% the situation as a whole.

Yea, as I said, I'm being a piece of shit rn. I'm not proud of what's been happening. It's a situation I never thought I'd see myself in. And one I never really wanted to be in. I've just continued to make bad decisions here, and this is just another one of the many. Figured putting it out there would be a good way for me to really look at the situation and realize how fucked up I've been lately. And hopefully push myself to do better. Basically, just something to look back on after I'm out of the situation and remind myself never to be this person again.

Yea, probably. Deserved, really.

I'm assuming my best course of action at this point is to just sit back and wait for a response, no? Don't continue to try and "fix" this. Just kind of ride out whatever comes my way.

This is the result of being the weird kid no one really wanted to be friends with. Then, becoming an adult with little to no experience with women. I try to use the knowledge gleaned from seeing other people's mistakes on the internet. But today, I joined them. We all do at some point or another, I suppose.