Currently, not at all, and it's very sad considering he has kids. It's really like im their dad, and I love them a lot so that's tough enough. He refuses to get along with the mother of his children, and he broke his phone a year ago, so I've been middle manning everything for a year. I know he should eventually get better, but when will that be? He's concerned with having fun right now so that could be forever. I keep seeing the good in him but he keeps it from me.

Oh, I had 0 dignity and respect for myself when we first got together. I had actually just got out of a previous bad relationship. Told him all about it and he basically ended up being the same. The issue is that I'm waking up and he doesn't like it. He's waiting for her to wake up but never considered that maybe she's decided to go another way entirely. I've attempted to leave in the past but he plays the guilt game. He's "left" but he just comes right back after saying he wasn't ever coming back. I truly just want peace and it's sad that I have to give in to his way and only his way, or leave completely, to even get close to the peace I desire.

Ive done 1 and it's caused numerous unecessary arguments about him thinking I'm trying to make him look like a bad boyfriend. I've brought 2 up to him and he acts like im crazy for feeling that way. At the end of the day I'm sure it's just the fact that I do a lot for him. It's not me that he likes. I take care of everything and he just sits back. He chips in at times but the exchange is nowhere near even.

Yeah, I know I sound pretty dumb. Kids that I love were involved and I think at the time I went autopilot I had decided to stick it out for them. He just wasn't doing as well as he should. I know it's not my burden. They're just special to me. There's like 3 years of memories missing that I should have and it's terrifying. I don't want that happening again.

These are facts. I went from truly desiring marriage in every way, to being okay alone if that's what it comes to.

It's sad but I think I understand already. I truly just wanted him to chose me. Especially with all the work I put in. It's almost like I put all my effort into a project just for it to be given away to someone else with no recognition.

You know the whole spiel: "I never said that, that's not what I meant, you're twisting my words, why are you jealous, I'm here with you, what about my happiness". I feel crazy saying this, but it feels like he's trying to break me down until i crack. Between work and my iron deficieny I was too tired to catch anything in time. I wanted to take him for his word, but sadly finding out you really can't do that, once someone shows themselves. I think I went autopilot for like 3 years because I can't remember 2015-2018.

He makes me feel wrong for feeling that way. Understandble if it is the truth. He just invited me to hang out with them after the holidays but only because hes worried ill leave him, if he goes alone. He confessed during an argument that if something happened between them he wouldnt stop it, but that he would want me to be part of it if anything. I explained how uncomfortable that made me. He backed it up by saying I might want to think about it because they're "cool like that" and he isn't sure what I'd take as flirting. In the past he's mentioned wanting her to be our third, claiming he was just kidding afterward. I used to take him for his word but his actions scream the opposite.

I really appreciate your responses. I'm trying to make sure my eyes are in fact open, because my gut has been screaming at me. I've been holding him down on the basis of me believing he chose me, because that's what he claims, but at the end of the day it didn't seem like much of a choice. It feels like the first 4 years were him pretending I was someone else, and these last 4 years are him finally getting to know me. We've had some stupid arguments based off him thinking I'm exactly like him and me realizing he has never paid much attention to me overall as a person. A piece of me does wish he would just stop talking to her considering the issues we've had, but I know better than to demand that from anyone.

I really appreciate your responses. I'm trying to make sure my eyes are in fact open, because my gut has been screaming at me. I've been holding him down on the basis of me believing he chose me, because that's what he claims, but at the end of the day it didn't seem like much of a choice. It feels like the first 4 years were him pretending I was someone else, and these last 4 years are him finally getting to know me. We've had some stupid arguments based off him thinking I'm exactly like him and me realizing he has never paid much attention to me overall as a person. A piece of me does wish he would just stop talking to her considering the issues we've had, but I know better than to demand that from anyone.

I wanted to, but at this point, life moves on. I won't reject her if she reaches out to me though. I'd let that lady drag me around anywhere. I get why he likes her so much, I like her a lot, but he could do better at just helping me be more comfortable.

...yeah. was dumb enough to believe the whole "I'm over her" episode. Chose to take him at his word instead of trusting my gut. Want to believe that he has chosen me after 8 years, but part of me knows if she called right now and asked him to drop me, it would probably only take him an hour or less to get through.

I would love to, but it would sadly have to wait.

If anything he's done nothing but try and talk to her. Even when she never responds. At times he would go into crisis and even cry thinking she didn't like him anymore, and she made it clear he was being annoying but it took him a long time to stop. I would beg him to calm down and not blow her up so much but he would write me off as jealous. He has in a sense admitted to rather being with her. He's fizzled out since making the statement but part of me feels like it's only because he's accepted that she doesn't want him, but is still somehow holding out for her. He told me years ago that he believed his feelings meant they were destined to be together. He recently brought up opening up our relationship on the basis of being able to have access to her in anyway he wanted. I didn't include it because he took it back, but it definitely raised flags, especially with him claiming he was over her previously. I believe at heart he wants us both, but mine is more of a supporting role. She gets way more respect than he gives me. He won't even look at another girl if she's in the room. I love him enough to put up with a lot, but after 8 years I'm starting to break. We just about have this conversation everyday because he wants things his way, but doesn't want to lose me at the same time. I've never made him stop talking to her, but he's severely jealous and doesn't give the same energy he wants. He wants freedom from me, but from him there are rules to what I can and can't do. I truly want to believe that he picked me, but deep down I know if she asked to be with him right now, and all he had to do was drop me, we would be done. That part hurts the most. I love him but when they're together he won't even text me or call. He will literally stay out all night, never come home, and just show up at our job, having her drop him off. The rumors are annoying enough to deal with. I would've included all this, but it's already novel length.

This is exactly how it feels to me. I feel like a placeholder for just in case.

Also didn't mention it here, but his feelings for her have been a long back and forth with our relationship. Mainly him doing too much and me trying to help him keep a friend and not run her off. It's too much to include here but it's been a long road of him basically being down to drop me for her if she ever said so.

He basically does all the things I've been asking him to do with me, with her instead, so yeah it kind of matters. Ill ask to go for walks and he'll decline to play his game, but the moment shes available thats all they do. My favorite band was in town and he didnt even tell me about it because he had planned to go with her. This was on my birthday. He didnt even know the band until he met me. I introduced him to it. She barely knows them. He even made her a song and I'm the one who got him into making music. He hasn't made me a single song and won't even work with me because he admitted to being jealous of my skill.