amerkanische_Frosch
amerkanische_Frosch t1_jedqu7h wrote
I hate to say this, but I’m calling out OP as a lyre.
amerkanische_Frosch t1_jeadstx wrote
Have a good laugh at this, then.
amerkanische_Frosch t1_je6keep wrote
I Senegal who was really cute there. We scored some Mali.
amerkanische_Frosch t1_je1qd54 wrote
Yeah, I had a similar problem.
My wife came into the kitchen and caught me jumping, gyrating and flailing my hands and feet around while all the while holding a bottle of orange juice.
She asked me just what the hell was going on, so I explained to her.
"It says here, 'Shake thoroughly before drinking'".
amerkanische_Frosch t1_jdzybck wrote
Reply to comment by [deleted] in This guy walks into the bar and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting on a bar stool all alone. by joke_channel
Naaah, it actually comes from an Ed McBain « 87th Precinct » police procedural murder mystery.
amerkanische_Frosch t1_jdzghrc wrote
Reply to This guy walks into the bar and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting on a bar stool all alone. by joke_channel
James Bond walks into a bar and sizes up the local talent.
He sees a gorgeous blonde sitting on a bar stool.
He walks up, catlike, to the bar, orders a vodka martini (shaken, not stirred!), puts his hand on the blonde's knee and says, suavely:
"Bond. JAMES Bond."
The blonde gets off the stool and kicks Bond squarely in the balls. As Bond is doubled over in pain, she administers a powerful right uppercut to his chin. Mercifully, he sinks into unconsciousness and falls to the floor.
The blonde says:
"Off. FUCK off."
Submitted by amerkanische_Frosch t3_124gs0j in Jokes
amerkanische_Frosch t1_jdz7iy4 wrote
Stop using shampoo to wash your hair!
Insist on REAL poo!
amerkanische_Frosch t1_jdu7eeq wrote
Ba—dum…TISH!
amerkanische_Frosch t1_jdhk0gp wrote
Reply to comment by ZephRyder in I went to the zoo today and there were 2 baguettes in a cage by MrRickSter
How did you know I am a bottom in BDSM sessions?
amerkanische_Frosch t1_jdgxy9n wrote
I tripped and fell right into the display case at my French bakery!
Now I’m in a world of pain!
amerkanische_Frosch t1_jadx2lo wrote
Men who suspect they have prostate cancer often have an MRI done in the Bahamas or Jamaica. The results can be quite enlightening.
Those are the PIRADS of the Caribbean.
amerkanische_Frosch t1_ja9crjv wrote
You know how in certain Shakespearian dramas, there is often a bit of comic relief after a point of very high tension, like in Act II, Scene 3 of Macbeth, where, just after Macbeth has murdered King Duncan and told Lady Macbeth that he is now haunted by the horror of his deed, the drunk porter comes on stage and acts like a blithering idiot?
That is Kadyrov, through and through - whenever the war in Ukraine reaches a very tense point - a new Russian missile bombardment causing tragedy or a bunch of Wagner goons wreaking havoc on civilians, you can count of him to show up and give us all a laugh due to some new outburst of idiocy.
amerkanische_Frosch t1_ja755qe wrote
Reply to comment by Morthra in An engineer dies and goes up to heaven. by MadisonPearGarden
Yep, fair enough, I stand corrected, he is the one "prosecuting" Job.
amerkanische_Frosch t1_ja6yjtc wrote
Reply to comment by 15mg_MaleNurse_STAT in An engineer dies and goes up to heaven. by MadisonPearGarden
Actually OT doesn’t have Hell (or Satan for that matter).
amerkanische_Frosch t1_ja6ybx5 wrote
Reply to comment by Nonsense7740 in My mom used to tuck me in when I was young by Psyman2
I think the idea is that the mother literally tucked the dick so far back that it appeared OP didn’t have one.
amerkanische_Frosch t1_ja5ftvr wrote
Reply to An actor was on stage playing Macbeth... by Ripcord2
This actually happened, sort of, in Sheridan’s play « The Rivals ».
When it was performed the first night, the actor playing Sir Lucius O’Trigger was booed, and yelled to the audience « By the pow'rs, is it personal? — is it me, or the matter? », meaning « Are you booing my character, or my performance? ». Unluckily for him, it was both. Sheridan rewrote the play and also replaced the actor for the next performance.
amerkanische_Frosch t1_ja2x47a wrote
Reply to Georgia woman drives SUV into Popeyes over missing biscuits, police say by do-you-know-the-way9
Remember, if SUV’s are outlawed, only outlaws will have SUV’s.
Join the National SUV Association TODAY!
amerkanische_Frosch t1_j9zu3oj wrote
Reply to comment by RevolutionarySteak62 in Walked by the YMCA yesterday by snickerscowboy
I said, young man, when you’re short on your dough…
amerkanische_Frosch t1_j9swx80 wrote
Reply to comment by Masdraw in What did horny Caesar told Roman Senate? by raspoutine049
I saw, I conked her, I came.
amerkanische_Frosch t1_j9stvru wrote
Reply to comment by GoodAsUsual in I was having sex with Vladimir Lenin and he asked me to grab his balls by Ihavethemilkson
You have nothing to lose but your chains! (and handcuffs, gags, blindfolds and nipple clamps.)
amerkanische_Frosch t1_j9q3by9 wrote
At least it doesn’t have 144 beans.
That would be gross.
amerkanische_Frosch t1_j9pquz5 wrote
Reply to comment by Seizurepotato in I was having sex with Vladimir Lenin and he asked me to grab his balls by Ihavethemilkson
I Hope when OP grabbed Lenin’s balls he didn’t grab too hard, otherwise he could have Castro-ated him!
amerkanische_Frosch t1_j9oediw wrote
Reply to comment by NDodma01 in Count Von Count is the best vampire. by FuzzyChrysalis
Seeing as Sesame Street was a show for kids, they had to tone down the trope a bit, so the Count drank milk instead of blood.
His theme song was « Fangs for the mammaries. »
amerkanische_Frosch t1_jeeax4f wrote
Reply to comment by Albert_Flasher in Some folks'll never understand sailors... by Albert_Flasher
« So, sailor, what post do you occupy on this ship? »
« I’m the boat-swain! »
« You mean ‘bosun’. Boatswain is pronounced ‘bosun’. And where do you sail? »
« In the Pacific Oat-swain. »