>I would love to be a passenger one day in his car.I will bring the paint guns.

freeze the paintballs first

>I may have also told the anesthesiologist that he smelled nice. I am so embarrassed. Nurse anesthetist asked me if I wanted some medication to calm down prior to wheeling me into the OR and I was like, "yes, absolutely."

my people, both of you's.

that's not saying much

wow

you are not a good person

uh okay

>What the fuck is a "dad bod looking person"?

think like an excavator operator

>I would remember it

i remember it and i'm talking about it

also if this were me i would just own and i wouldnt cringe at all

​

this would be my absolute go to story for everyone and in any situation

instant ice breaker

i mean its just gold, pure gold

this is the way

damn son that was rough

​

but well written, i second the try to put in a standup act idea

ok so don't leave us hanging like 90% of this rides on if & what she wrote back?

just own it

wait so what kind of corn does he like

>wet wipes, wet wipes.

also major lol, you might not see it now but shit happens
i hope he didnt say it exactly the way you said he said it that was kinda rude

wet wipes, wet wipes.

time machine?

lol brah

>Backstabbing for friend, possibly costing him his job, most likely ruining any chance he had with the girl, and using his action towards someone else to legitimize your action. Man, that's a trifecta of FU with one sentence. Upvoted.

sheeesh when you're good at somethin eh!!!

hey you're beautiful

mother fucking shitheads

figure out a way to seek reparations

damn that sucks im sorry

lol fuck him that shit was funny

wow that's fucking hilarious

and good on you, you're good people

then i hate to break it to you but that's your former bedroom / guest bedroom

you live there?

in that case, ouf