peter_the_martian
peter_the_martian t1_jefxakr wrote
Reply to I like to tell dad jokes by DoctorBlazes
But was he cool when you helped your Uncle Jack off a horse and mad when you helped your uncle jack off a horse?
peter_the_martian t1_je9fzti wrote
Reply to comment by Make_the_music_stop in My girlfriend left me because of my abandonment issues... by Risperdali
That was a close one!
peter_the_martian t1_je9fxj6 wrote
Reply to comment by [deleted] in My girlfriend left me because of my abandonment issues... by Risperdali
You must also follow r/relationships
peter_the_martian t1_je5i7kj wrote
Reply to My wife and I are a same sex couple by RealBowtie
My girlfriend is really a hands-on type of gal.
In fact, she is a hand. I call her Rosie Palmer. She’s always there for me
peter_the_martian t1_je55usp wrote
Reply to comment by Rifftraffy in What do you call a guy with a knife sticking out of him? by jflipside
Hi Dad, I’m confused though
peter_the_martian t1_je4xx4y wrote
Reply to comment by cutecrazychic34 in I called the tinnitus hotline... by Deechon
Hey George, the ocean called …
peter_the_martian t1_je2ehzn wrote
Reply to comment by EnvironmentalDeal256 in I like to think I’m a pretty good man. I give over 50% of my paycheck to Charity. by Barber606
Or eat Candy some days
peter_the_martian t1_je10srq wrote
Reply to comment by Ubersupersloth in What’s 14 inches and hangs in front of an asshole? by Less_Geologist_4004
It was pretty great
peter_the_martian t1_je10qlb wrote
Reply to comment by Igloo_Heater in What’s 14 inches and hangs in front of an asshole? by Less_Geologist_4004
Aw. Poor little fella got hit the feels. How long is your tie?
peter_the_martian t1_je10n08 wrote
Reply to comment by Ok-Chip-6147 in What’s 14 inches and hangs in front of an asshole? by Less_Geologist_4004
Aw. Poor fella
peter_the_martian t1_je0ta5d wrote
Reply to comment by MoistCity530 in Never literally taking cooking instructions… by Phippsy771
Like when you get brain freeze. Supposed to get jackulite for yo brain
peter_the_martian t1_je0t5mm wrote
Oh I, I just died in the fridge tonight, it must’ve been something you said.
peter_the_martian t1_jdzzwzh wrote
peter_the_martian t1_jdww36w wrote
Reply to The rectum stretcher by Siosal01
A 62 in a 55? Cop’s an asshole
peter_the_martian t1_jdwvnuc wrote
My wife had sex with thirteen different pastry chefs.
She calls it the baker’s dozen.
peter_the_martian t1_jdut8w3 wrote
Reply to comment by PMmeIrrelevantStuff in Jane always had a certain attraction to Tarzan. by revolut1onname
Actually I did see Radiohead at the TLA yes. They were great. Maybe we were at the same concert lol.
peter_the_martian t1_jdt2abv wrote
Reply to comment by AKLmfreak in Biden had a meeting with his cabinet this morning by My_Balls_Itch_123
I’m standing in my living room
peter_the_martian t1_jdqutpt wrote
I saw Considerable Manhood in Philly when the opened for Radiohead back in the 90’s
peter_the_martian t1_jdpfvx0 wrote
She was trying to free Willy, instead she shook a leg
peter_the_martian t1_jdmlih1 wrote
Reply to comment by becausewhynot07 in What did the triangle say to the circle? by xmlify
K
peter_the_martian t1_jdhdd2c wrote
Reply to My wife was just in a minor accident. She's told the police that the man she hit was on his phone and drinking a Coke at the time by Gil-Gandel
My schizophrenic husband got in a car accident trying to give himself road head. He hit a tree thinking he was a contortionist
peter_the_martian t1_jdcr21k wrote
Reply to A panda walks into a bar and orders a sandwich by Akhi1
A polar bear and the musical artist Seal walks into a bar. They exchange pleasantries and, well you know the rest
peter_the_martian t1_jci1nny wrote
Reply to A genie says to an alcoholic drifter, "You have three wishes, what would you like for your first wish"? by StraightDildo
There’s a lot of genie jokes on here lately so I’d just like to take this moment I ran into a real life genie.
peter_the_martian t1_jbxlith wrote
Reply to A man and his girlfriend died in a car accident and meets Peter at the Pearly Gates by LordFarhaams
Lol. Didn’t know they kept track of time in Heaven! Good to know. I wonder if they validate parking.
peter_the_martian t1_jegd9m5 wrote
Reply to comment by Make_the_music_stop in My doctor told me that I had a healthy prostate. by 1963Jan
I’d like a moment or two alone with this comment. Is that okay?