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Obsolete-Prototype t1_iu9ifq3 wrote

Stop trying to understand crazy people, they'll call you toxic for mediating understanding.

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RustyToaster206 t1_iua4sme wrote

Sucks when your ex-wife is literally insane. We have kids together and I can’t emphasize enough just how infuriating it is to try and reason with her over anything. I’m trying to save money, but I might have to never speak with her again and just go through my lawyer each time.

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maiteko t1_iubm5m7 wrote

I’m dealing with this problem. Just recently got her to agree to appointing a decision maker to resolve those issues.

I think part of my issue is her new husband makes solid money, And her lawyer saw her as a cash cow, so the latter kept validating her crazy ideas.

Decision makers are required to be neutral, so hopefully that helps going forward.

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TheSeek3r_ t1_iud70pa wrote

I’m right there with you. My ex is nuts and a major bitch. Only good thing I got from her was a kid.

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aioncan t1_iudnapt wrote

Can’t wait till artificial embryos are a thing

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raised_by_groening t1_iuah45a wrote

Well in the book, "American Scapegoating and Social Isolation", this would be evaluated as such.

1). Don't identify anyone as toxic

2). Analyze your own emotions, when you can be positive around others, try to share that positivity.

3). Don't label anyone as crazy, yourself or others.

4). Accept yourself and your own flaws, and the flaws of others and have solidarity over what it means to be human.

​

~Sincerely Homer Simpson

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officialvfd t1_iub9nv5 wrote

I think it’s fine to identify people as toxic for you. That doesn’t mean anyone else needs to know, or that they are the source of all your problems, or that they should be used as a scapegoat. But stepping away from someone who literally has a toxic effect on your mental health can absolutely be the right move. Life is too short to hang around with people who make you feel miserable.

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1re_endacted1 t1_iubfo0o wrote

Saw another gem on here the other day along the lines of, “if it costs you your mental health, it’s too expensive.”

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maiteko t1_iubmxjj wrote

Any person who has ever dealt with a person with a severe personality disorder would tell you: this is all pretty bad advice.

This kind of advice only makes sense when all parties involved are acting in good faith, and we are in the realm of “people just make mistakes”

But when dealing with fundamentally broken people, taking this attitude is just gaslighting yourself. It’s how people justify being in abusing relationships for years.

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Nanaremilamina t1_iuc7glr wrote

The whole post was telling people to look inward and not judge and you are saying "no that is stupid don't be enlightened"

Your post almost perfectly exemplifies one of the main problems with Western society right now.

Glad I have this popcorn

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raised_by_groening t1_iubrzx2 wrote

I just don't believe in fundamentally broken people.

Hoping whatever is going on you can heal with grace and can integrate in your community.

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DuskyDay t1_iud2fh1 wrote

> I just don't believe in fundamentally broken people.

You're missing some life experience. Hopefully you'll survive when you get it someday.

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raised_by_groening t1_iud7at4 wrote

My friend I just believe in forgiveness. And that the people that forgive, have more empathy to love those that are hurt.

Hahah, I wish I was missing the life experience you are talking about, but truly I am not lol!!

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[deleted] t1_iuddu29 wrote

[deleted]

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raised_by_groening t1_iudk5ba wrote

Would you care to please define accountability in any particular context, just something that isn't general or abstract. Just a specific situation please?

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[deleted] t1_iudmeb6 wrote

[deleted]

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raised_by_groening t1_iudn26w wrote

Absolutely! I forgive for things like this. I usually forgive people when I have an expectation for someone, when they have made a commitment to me, and they fail to make good on their commitment. Instead of having hurt feelings, I just forgive them and move on.

Can I please have a definition of accountability? a specific situation?

I'm sorry I don't know your definition of accountability in another response. Could you please provide one?

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DuskyDay t1_iud2aci wrote

> 1). Don't identify anyone as toxic

Then we'll need a new word meaning what "toxic" currently means, since some people are what we call toxic and some people aren't, and they cluster along the right axes separately.

Or, in simple English, not thinking about how some people are harmful will handicap you when making predictions of their behavior, when deciding who to keep close and who to avoid, etc.

It's about as helpful as not identifying anyone as thieves. It might help you intermittently feel better about your stuff being stolen, because aren't we all flawed human beings? But in the long run, it doesn't work.

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raised_by_groening t1_iud8c78 wrote

Oh I truly disagree with this. And I think this is quite the opposite of the evolutionary advantage of forgiveness.

You see when you have a negative thought about yourself or others, it is actually a burden. A person overwhelmed is full of negative thoughts that they can not handle, and can not deal with. So they lash out, in their community or inward (depression).

Anyway.

You see, when you identify someone as toxic, just a little bit you actually identify yourself as being toxic. Here is how I know. The process of identification takes the same neurons you are using to read this sentence, and when you identify someone as toxic, that label in of itself as a memory, you hold and retain that memory. If you are not your memories, uhh I don't know who you are.

Anyway, if you want to purge yourself of all toxicity, you forgive all people and yourself of all negative behaviors or things that have hurt you in the past.

If you do not do this, you are literally slowly, building up negative memories one by one, slowly over time. Until you get overwhelmed or 'lose your cool'.

Evolutionarily forgiveness gives a person the ability to accept people where they are, not take offense of minor inconveniences, and gives them the opportunity to be good. Which makes the community better for the self and others.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk,

Sincerely ,

Homer Simpson

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[deleted] t1_iudgwju wrote

[deleted]

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raised_by_groening t1_iudiyu7 wrote

I appreciate what you are trying to articulate, but umm. I beg your pardon, did you address any of my factual arguments?

Maybe there is a miscommunication going on.

What is the precise definition of an individual with a cluster b personality disorder? Why are they acting like that? Did they have childhood trauma? If they are overwhelmed how do we prevent them from being overwhelmed and how do we help them to be virtuous people in society?

I literally studied existential philosophy and I literally hold myself accountable for all things, things I have done and things I have not done. So I don't think it applies to me, but maybe you are talking about a hypothetical person in society?

How does this relate to your database of memories? And your identity as a person?

Also this seems to be contradictory. You say there are people out there somewhere acting this way:

>“it’s not me, it’s YOU, YOU refuse to let go of the past”. But In every instance, they refuse to be held accountable.

But people that hold others accountable without forgiving them, seem to be doing exactly this on the small scale. They aren't saying this explicitly but you are literally thinking it and it manifests in those that are overwhelmed.

​

Thanks for coming to my ted talk

Sincerely

~Homer Simpson

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[deleted] t1_iudskbb wrote

[deleted]

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raised_by_groening t1_iuduccs wrote

My friend I am so sorry for whatever you are going through. You are going through a lot and need a lot of emotional support to keep going.

I am hoping nothing but the best for you, I take you at your word and I hope you can have harmony within your family in the future.

Please take care of yourself

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DuskyDay t1_iuexw58 wrote

Sorry, identifying something as X doesn't make you little X. This just isn't true as a matter of logic.

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raised_by_groening t1_iuezfd0 wrote

Oh, you are one that studies logic! Me too!! Which study of logic do you subscribe? Do you have a favorite professor of logic?

Oh and I absolutely disagree with your statement. My argument is an incredibly small claim.

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Heliolord t1_iuapdhm wrote

Aka, why I removed r/politics from my feed.

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Chevleon__ t1_iubi72i wrote

I'm sorry to say but You're gonna have to remove more than Just r/politics.

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HypiaticLlama t1_iucvn2g wrote

This seemed shoehorned so I checked, and yep, nutjob conservative.

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Divallo t1_iua4y84 wrote

McNutt wants give you the deep healing and knows just the path to take.

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sc24evr t1_iua705d wrote

Don’t search Reddit for mcnutt

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PandaMayFire t1_iucc32r wrote

Ayyyyyye, Christmas might come early this year, but I won't. Just what the doctor ordered. 😏

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Saucy_Life t1_iua88r3 wrote

Going through this with my ex-gf right now. Her fault this is all happening yet she's still g like I'm the bad guy. I didn't want any of this but here we are.

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PromachosGuile t1_iubcxqb wrote

This is terrible advice... If leaders took this stance, there would never be any peace anywhere. Don't give in to toxic people, and don't let them drive you, but you will have to deal with them.

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DetectiveFinch t1_iubfzzb wrote

To add to this, my impression is that "toxic" is not really well defined. And the term is used to describe all sorts of things from valid criticism to actually malicious behaviour.

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PikaPikaMoFo69 t1_iude7qb wrote

Why not define toxic as people who behave in bad faith

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DetectiveFinch t1_iudfibs wrote

This would work if everyone uses the same definition and if it was always clear whether people are behaving in bad faith it not.

Unfortunately, we often don't know the intentions of others and what is described as toxic can often be explained by misunderstandings, disagreement, justified criticism, incompetence, ignorance etc..

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PromachosGuile t1_iujlh0n wrote

I would think that the word speaks for itself in that toxic things have no redeeming qualities.

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DetectiveFinch t1_iuk85ik wrote

In my experience, the word is used in various contexts to describe almost every human behaviour that somehow made someone else feel uncomfortable, even when the intentiona are completely unclear.

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hapiidadii t1_iubtxqm wrote

Everyone is toxic in the right circumstances. Sure, don't negotiate with "them." But also, take a moment to recognize how you might be one of them and identify a path to growth.

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chasmflip t1_iua1r9s wrote

But then no one will talk to me :/

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Rickyhawaii t1_iu9v834 wrote

S. Mcnutt. New pen name for Scrotie McBoogerballs

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chevymonza t1_iub8j57 wrote

At work, I try to be patient with people who need help with stuff, then for some reason these same people turn on me, latch onto anything I tell them like they've uncovered a conspiracy, and start freaking out. I'm so done. Best I just avoid people.

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etchasketch4u t1_iubh72v wrote

What if it is half of the country and they will soon run things? What then? Humanity is so screwed.

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9_Six_niN_6 t1_iuc2u4b wrote

I first read tha...

Sm cuntt

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AegisToast t1_iuc8fy1 wrote

Thank goodness for the highlighting, otherwise I wouldn’t know which part of the text to read.

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Draconianwrath t1_iud9vod wrote

So long as 'toxic' doesn't just mean 'people I disagree with' then sure.

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oripash t1_iufiv0b wrote

Irrelevant.

In this context, toxicity is about whether the other person sees the people around them and behaves like someone who does.

It’s no more about the content of their opinion and how that falls relative to our own tjan it is about their hair color.

I can hold an opposing opinion to yours but treat you with that dignity and respect.

Or I can be in full agreement with your but still treat you like a condescending judgemental arsehole.

It’s about not letting people who treat others this way set rules to the game that disadvantage anyone who is human.

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MillaNight t1_iuj6fhi wrote

… never show emotion … never play defence …keep it short and sweet

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SeigKreek t1_iuaw6gw wrote

Samsumgs over the horizon plays

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J_spec6 t1_iub5kx9 wrote

I know. Especially when you're neurodivergent.

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NoBodySpecial51 t1_iubzsa3 wrote

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for being you.

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PersonOfInternets t1_iucajfi wrote

Tell that to every Democrat in Congress. Life has become a game of negotiating with toxic people in my country.

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MACMAN2003 t1_iuctrnn wrote

wise words from someone with the last name mcnutt

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Kobold_Archmage t1_iucvncx wrote

Unfortunately, they’re the ones in charge of the money a lot of times.

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SlothChunks t1_iufdmnr wrote

Um…strange thing to be motivated by. First who decides who is “toxic”? Maybe you think they are but in reality you are the toxic one. Two, what is the alternative to negotiating with people? Pretend they don’t exist? That’s usually not an option, or it may be in your interest to negotiate with them, even if they are “toxic”.

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Green-Cruiser t1_iu9nl0j wrote

Turns out OP is using highlighter at the library. Tsk tsk

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Wuntoothrie t1_iub31sq wrote

So, what happens when you're surrounded by toxic people all the time and you're only option is to be anti-social, but by being anti-social and fostering a healthy self supportive attitude you actually become toxic to the majority of toxic assholes that is your community ?

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chevymonza t1_iub8rpd wrote

Just posted something similar. Am also wondering the same thing.

Think we might be "empaths" who get noticed and then used by attention-starved narcissistic types. I used to listen to people when they were stressed out over something, but then they can't stop, and then they drag me down with them emotionally.

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Moldy_slug t1_iubdpqd wrote

If you smell shit everywhere you go, check your own shoe.

If everyone you know is “toxic,” do some introspection… are your perceptions of them accurate and compassionate? Are you in an environment that’s unhealthy and causing relationship problems? Is everyone causing problems on their own, or are certain people causing drama everyone else reacts to? Do you need to improve your own communication skills, boundaries, or self-awareness? Etc.

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Wuntoothrie t1_iubtmzy wrote

Yeah, maybe that's exactly what the fuck I just said.

... and what have we here, a toxic fucking asshole telling me I'm the toxic one.

Imagine that.

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gamerdude69 t1_iub449u wrote

What do you think you should do?

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Wuntoothrie t1_iubt7pb wrote

Are you seriously suggesting that I start a cult where everyone lives exclusively on potato-tomato hybrids (?)

That's incredibly irresponsible of you.

I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed.

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Ulei-de-peste t1_iu9tqyi wrote

Negotiating maybe yes, but you need something better than their opinion to say.

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