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Obsolete-Prototype t1_iu9ifq3 wrote

Stop trying to understand crazy people, they'll call you toxic for mediating understanding.

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_srsh_ t1_iu9jf3p wrote

smcnutt 😉

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Green-Cruiser t1_iu9nl0j wrote

Turns out OP is using highlighter at the library. Tsk tsk

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Ulei-de-peste t1_iu9tqyi wrote

Negotiating maybe yes, but you need something better than their opinion to say.

−2

Rickyhawaii t1_iu9v834 wrote

S. Mcnutt. New pen name for Scrotie McBoogerballs

3

chasmflip t1_iua1r9s wrote

But then no one will talk to me :/

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RustyToaster206 t1_iua4sme wrote

Sucks when your ex-wife is literally insane. We have kids together and I can’t emphasize enough just how infuriating it is to try and reason with her over anything. I’m trying to save money, but I might have to never speak with her again and just go through my lawyer each time.

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Divallo t1_iua4y84 wrote

McNutt wants give you the deep healing and knows just the path to take.

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Saucy_Life t1_iua88r3 wrote

Going through this with my ex-gf right now. Her fault this is all happening yet she's still g like I'm the bad guy. I didn't want any of this but here we are.

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raised_by_groening t1_iuah45a wrote

Well in the book, "American Scapegoating and Social Isolation", this would be evaluated as such.

1). Don't identify anyone as toxic

2). Analyze your own emotions, when you can be positive around others, try to share that positivity.

3). Don't label anyone as crazy, yourself or others.

4). Accept yourself and your own flaws, and the flaws of others and have solidarity over what it means to be human.

​

~Sincerely Homer Simpson

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Heliolord t1_iuapdhm wrote

Aka, why I removed r/politics from my feed.

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r_y_4_n t1_iuav9zz wrote

r/rimjob_steve

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SeigKreek t1_iuaw6gw wrote

Samsumgs over the horizon plays

1

Wuntoothrie t1_iub31sq wrote

So, what happens when you're surrounded by toxic people all the time and you're only option is to be anti-social, but by being anti-social and fostering a healthy self supportive attitude you actually become toxic to the majority of toxic assholes that is your community ?

0

J_spec6 t1_iub5kx9 wrote

I know. Especially when you're neurodivergent.

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chevymonza t1_iub8j57 wrote

At work, I try to be patient with people who need help with stuff, then for some reason these same people turn on me, latch onto anything I tell them like they've uncovered a conspiracy, and start freaking out. I'm so done. Best I just avoid people.

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chevymonza t1_iub8rpd wrote

Replying to Wuntoothrie (#327,503)

Just posted something similar. Am also wondering the same thing.

Think we might be "empaths" who get noticed and then used by attention-starved narcissistic types. I used to listen to people when they were stressed out over something, but then they can't stop, and then they drag me down with them emotionally.

3

officialvfd t1_iub9nv5 wrote

Replying to raised_by_groening (#323,399)

I think it’s fine to identify people as toxic for you. That doesn’t mean anyone else needs to know, or that they are the source of all your problems, or that they should be used as a scapegoat. But stepping away from someone who literally has a toxic effect on your mental health can absolutely be the right move. Life is too short to hang around with people who make you feel miserable.

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PromachosGuile t1_iubcxqb wrote

This is terrible advice... If leaders took this stance, there would never be any peace anywhere. Don't give in to toxic people, and don't let them drive you, but you will have to deal with them.

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Moldy_slug t1_iubdpqd wrote

Replying to Wuntoothrie (#327,503)

If you smell shit everywhere you go, check your own shoe.

If everyone you know is “toxic,” do some introspection… are your perceptions of them accurate and compassionate? Are you in an environment that’s unhealthy and causing relationship problems? Is everyone causing problems on their own, or are certain people causing drama everyone else reacts to? Do you need to improve your own communication skills, boundaries, or self-awareness? Etc.

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etchasketch4u t1_iubh72v wrote

What if it is half of the country and they will soon run things? What then? Humanity is so screwed.

2

maiteko t1_iubm5m7 wrote

Replying to RustyToaster206 (#321,249)

I’m dealing with this problem. Just recently got her to agree to appointing a decision maker to resolve those issues.

I think part of my issue is her new husband makes solid money, And her lawyer saw her as a cash cow, so the latter kept validating her crazy ideas.

Decision makers are required to be neutral, so hopefully that helps going forward.

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maiteko t1_iubmxjj wrote

Replying to raised_by_groening (#323,399)

Any person who has ever dealt with a person with a severe personality disorder would tell you: this is all pretty bad advice.

This kind of advice only makes sense when all parties involved are acting in good faith, and we are in the realm of “people just make mistakes”

But when dealing with fundamentally broken people, taking this attitude is just gaslighting yourself. It’s how people justify being in abusing relationships for years.

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Wuntoothrie t1_iubt7pb wrote

Replying to gamerdude69 (#327,703)

Are you seriously suggesting that I start a cult where everyone lives exclusively on potato-tomato hybrids (?)

That's incredibly irresponsible of you.

I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed.

0

hapiidadii t1_iubtxqm wrote

Everyone is toxic in the right circumstances. Sure, don't negotiate with "them." But also, take a moment to recognize how you might be one of them and identify a path to growth.

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NoBodySpecial51 t1_iubzsa3 wrote

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for being you.

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Nanaremilamina t1_iuc7glr wrote

Replying to maiteko (#331,399)

The whole post was telling people to look inward and not judge and you are saying "no that is stupid don't be enlightened"

Your post almost perfectly exemplifies one of the main problems with Western society right now.

Glad I have this popcorn

0

AegisToast t1_iuc8fy1 wrote

Thank goodness for the highlighting, otherwise I wouldn’t know which part of the text to read.

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PersonOfInternets t1_iucajfi wrote

Tell that to every Democrat in Congress. Life has become a game of negotiating with toxic people in my country.

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MACMAN2003 t1_iuctrnn wrote

wise words from someone with the last name mcnutt

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Kobold_Archmage t1_iucvncx wrote

Unfortunately, they’re the ones in charge of the money a lot of times.

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DuskyDay t1_iud2aci wrote

Replying to raised_by_groening (#323,399)

> 1). Don't identify anyone as toxic

Then we'll need a new word meaning what "toxic" currently means, since some people are what we call toxic and some people aren't, and they cluster along the right axes separately.

Or, in simple English, not thinking about how some people are harmful will handicap you when making predictions of their behavior, when deciding who to keep close and who to avoid, etc.

It's about as helpful as not identifying anyone as thieves. It might help you intermittently feel better about your stuff being stolen, because aren't we all flawed human beings? But in the long run, it doesn't work.

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raised_by_groening t1_iud7at4 wrote

Replying to DuskyDay (#340,981)

My friend I just believe in forgiveness. And that the people that forgive, have more empathy to love those that are hurt.

Hahah, I wish I was missing the life experience you are talking about, but truly I am not lol!!

−1

raised_by_groening t1_iud8c78 wrote

Replying to DuskyDay (#340,941)

Oh I truly disagree with this. And I think this is quite the opposite of the evolutionary advantage of forgiveness.

You see when you have a negative thought about yourself or others, it is actually a burden. A person overwhelmed is full of negative thoughts that they can not handle, and can not deal with. So they lash out, in their community or inward (depression).

Anyway.

You see, when you identify someone as toxic, just a little bit you actually identify yourself as being toxic. Here is how I know. The process of identification takes the same neurons you are using to read this sentence, and when you identify someone as toxic, that label in of itself as a memory, you hold and retain that memory. If you are not your memories, uhh I don't know who you are.

Anyway, if you want to purge yourself of all toxicity, you forgive all people and yourself of all negative behaviors or things that have hurt you in the past.

If you do not do this, you are literally slowly, building up negative memories one by one, slowly over time. Until you get overwhelmed or 'lose your cool'.

Evolutionarily forgiveness gives a person the ability to accept people where they are, not take offense of minor inconveniences, and gives them the opportunity to be good. Which makes the community better for the self and others.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk,

Sincerely ,

Homer Simpson

−1

Draconianwrath t1_iud9vod wrote

So long as 'toxic' doesn't just mean 'people I disagree with' then sure.

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DetectiveFinch t1_iudfibs wrote

Replying to PikaPikaMoFo69 (#343,699)

This would work if everyone uses the same definition and if it was always clear whether people are behaving in bad faith it not.

Unfortunately, we often don't know the intentions of others and what is described as toxic can often be explained by misunderstandings, disagreement, justified criticism, incompetence, ignorance etc..

1

raised_by_groening t1_iudiyu7 wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#344,334)

I appreciate what you are trying to articulate, but umm. I beg your pardon, did you address any of my factual arguments?

Maybe there is a miscommunication going on.

What is the precise definition of an individual with a cluster b personality disorder? Why are they acting like that? Did they have childhood trauma? If they are overwhelmed how do we prevent them from being overwhelmed and how do we help them to be virtuous people in society?

I literally studied existential philosophy and I literally hold myself accountable for all things, things I have done and things I have not done. So I don't think it applies to me, but maybe you are talking about a hypothetical person in society?

How does this relate to your database of memories? And your identity as a person?

Also this seems to be contradictory. You say there are people out there somewhere acting this way:

>“it’s not me, it’s YOU, YOU refuse to let go of the past”. But In every instance, they refuse to be held accountable.

But people that hold others accountable without forgiving them, seem to be doing exactly this on the small scale. They aren't saying this explicitly but you are literally thinking it and it manifests in those that are overwhelmed.

​

Thanks for coming to my ted talk

Sincerely

~Homer Simpson

1

raised_by_groening t1_iudn26w wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#345,581)

Absolutely! I forgive for things like this. I usually forgive people when I have an expectation for someone, when they have made a commitment to me, and they fail to make good on their commitment. Instead of having hurt feelings, I just forgive them and move on.

Can I please have a definition of accountability? a specific situation?

I'm sorry I don't know your definition of accountability in another response. Could you please provide one?

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raised_by_groening t1_iuduccs wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#346,924)

My friend I am so sorry for whatever you are going through. You are going through a lot and need a lot of emotional support to keep going.

I am hoping nothing but the best for you, I take you at your word and I hope you can have harmony within your family in the future.

Please take care of yourself

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raised_by_groening t1_iuezfd0 wrote

Replying to DuskyDay (#355,436)

Oh, you are one that studies logic! Me too!! Which study of logic do you subscribe? Do you have a favorite professor of logic?

Oh and I absolutely disagree with your statement. My argument is an incredibly small claim.

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SlothChunks t1_iufdmnr wrote

Um…strange thing to be motivated by. First who decides who is “toxic”? Maybe you think they are but in reality you are the toxic one. Two, what is the alternative to negotiating with people? Pretend they don’t exist? That’s usually not an option, or it may be in your interest to negotiate with them, even if they are “toxic”.

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oripash t1_iufiv0b wrote

Replying to Draconianwrath (#342,699)

Irrelevant.

In this context, toxicity is about whether the other person sees the people around them and behaves like someone who does.

It’s no more about the content of their opinion and how that falls relative to our own tjan it is about their hair color.

I can hold an opposing opinion to yours but treat you with that dignity and respect.

Or I can be in full agreement with your but still treat you like a condescending judgemental arsehole.

It’s about not letting people who treat others this way set rules to the game that disadvantage anyone who is human.

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MillaNight t1_iuj6fhi wrote

… never show emotion … never play defence …keep it short and sweet

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DetectiveFinch t1_iuk85ik wrote

Replying to PromachosGuile (#402,479)

In my experience, the word is used in various contexts to describe almost every human behaviour that somehow made someone else feel uncomfortable, even when the intentiona are completely unclear.

1