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TobyDaMan8894 t1_j23p74c wrote

I remember the time my therapist told me “if you don’t want to be around the people you don’t like, why do you go to thier functions ( holiday crap)” I said cuz they’re family and I feel I have to go. He says “ you have no obligation to them, your only concern is your mental well being, you don’t owe them anything “. I quote him to my wife all the time. Best therapist I ever had then he retired a year ago

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2talltyus42 t1_j23wf0n wrote

As a therapist myself, that is what I tell my clients as well. It is amazing hearing how many people feel obligated to spend time with family. No one is obligated for your sanity and your time! Your time and sanity is so limited. Spend it with those who celebrate you, not tolerate.

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crsdrjct t1_j24ocym wrote

Legitimate question, how do you discern the line for this kind of thing?

I'm sure people can take this to the extreme and just not attend any family function but isn't there a point where it becomes either a selfish or indulgent decision. Showing up for your family or people you care about is still important isn't it.

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AdventurousSeaSlug t1_j2514nn wrote

My advise would be this: You do not owe anyone a pass on unacceptable behavior merely because you happen to has some genetic connections. You do not have any obligations to them just because you are related.

However, all actions have consequences and belonging to a community will eventually most likely lead to you sacrificing and doing something that you wouldn't be your first choice of actions because you know that it will make the person you love happy.

How do you know when to say when? Think about A) your mental health and well-being and B) the possible long term consequences.

Let me give an example: I have a sibling who is not in my life. They were removed because I noticed that every single interaction with them made me feel upset, angry, sad, frustrated, and deeply unhappy. They literally added nothing positive to my experience. I was not wiser, no more compassionate, not more loving, not more insightful for knowing them. I could not think of one positive way in which either of us enriched the other's life. So I made the decision to cut ties. Best decision that I ever made. What are the possible consequences? I don't see them and talk to them but I have other people that I fulfill my need to socialize. They are very smart but I find my need for intellectual stimulation on my own. I'm given to believe that family is who you turn to in times of duress. What if I lose my job? Well I can take care of myself and quite honestly I'd rather go to a shelter before I ever asked this person for help. So honestly, there's no circumstance in which I can see myself ever regretting my decision to cut them out of my life. Five years on and every day I confirm that I e made the correct decision. I'm happier and have much more peace. As to their happiness with this situation? Well that's not my concern or problem. If they have any issues, that's for them to resolve and learn from.

Edit: I like to be a positive person so let's look at the other end - being part of a community. I have social anxiety. It sucks. It can be so hard for me to go do things in a group no matter how much I love the people in the group. I force myself to participate because I know that eventually I'll be lonely and if I want people to meet my needs when I'm down, that means doing my best to meet their needs when it's hard for me. So I go out occasionally and you know what? It's fun once I'm there. I have a nice time and then I go home.

I look at it like nurturing a garden. You invest the love and the time to build your garden (a community) and eventually your garden is something that many people enjoy and get returns from. But it's not always easy, and in the moment it can be hard to put your needs aside for the greater good and the long-term goal of building something greater than yourself.

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CaptainAsshat t1_j25psmk wrote

>You do not have any obligations to them just because you are related.

I hear this a lot, and every time, I think it is missing something that causes it to contradict my (and others') lived experiences. Because we DO have obligations to our family just because we are related. The obligations are handed down through laws, social expectations, family tradition, religion, etc. We can choose to ignore these prescribed obligations, but that doesn't mean we aren't reminded of them.

Imho, the point should instead be that our obligations to ourselves and our well-being should usually take precedence over our obligations to our family. And our obligations to a family member can be annulled, at our discretion, through that family member's unacceptable behavior (and failing their obligations toward us).

To me, this is important as that inherent familial "obligation" built into our culture is also a source of great comfort and community for many people. In these uncertain times, knowing your family will be there for you is a source of security to many of those in precarious positions. In this, it's not very different than the obligations we have toward all fellow human beings: do not take them lightly, but do not consider them irrevocable if your well-being is at stake.

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xxxxxxyyy t1_j25cgcy wrote

For some, I’d imagine they stop going & then realize that their family isn’t actually the source of their unhappiness.

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AdventurousSeaSlug t1_j25eb3i wrote

That's entirely possible. This really does require self-reflection and humility. It's important to be self-aware of your state of mind, and to think critically about why you might feel that way.

I certainly have. For me, if I'm being totally honest, I have a tendency towards depression. I've had a hard life and it's taken a toll. If I don't work at it, I can very easily fall into depression. So I've had to think long and hard about what makes me happy, what makes me unhappy, is my mood at the moment being impacted by internal or external forces.

There are times where my bad mood isn't about anyone else but me. There are also times when I can feel my inner reserves being sucked dry by the person in the room. You need to be willing to look at yours as a whole, which is definitely challenging for some people.

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Brself t1_j24qadb wrote

This was my greatest take away from therapy. I’m currently on a therapy break, but I went to therapy for 4 years, initially due to some uncontrollable anxiety that was turning into a panic disorder. As the therapist pealed back layer after layer, aside from work burn out, I also had a lot of repressed feelings toward my parents. I was aware somewhat of my feelings toward my emotionally abusive mom, but my feelings toward my dad actually surprised me. I had put him on a pedestal for years because he was better in comparison compared to my mom, but in reality, he was emotionally neglectful, self absorbed into his relationships with his girlfriends/wives, and discouraged my dreams and ambitions with his apathy and attitude of “why try”.

I recently hit a breaking point with him, in that he was trying to not only subject me to his abusive wife’s abuse and manipulation, but also to have me go out of my way to praise her. They expected me to just drop off my 1 year old son at their house for them to “watch”, even though my dad basically ignores him when he’s around and my step mom is terrible with kids and is always heavily drugged out on sleeping pills.

I ended up having numerous in-person conversations with him about it, which he ignored. Sensing his complete departure from reality, I wrote him a long email spelling out all my feelings in detail. Unfortunately, he is still delusional and thinks I just need to sit down with his wife and a therapist to “hash out our differences”. I told him he married her, not me and I have no obligation to have a relationship with her. I’m 40 years old, and met her when I was about 30. It’s not like she raised me or had any real involvement in my life.

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DerpyDaDulfin t1_j24ohls wrote

I actually beat my 15 year depression because I realized something akin to this during Lockdown.

I spent my 20s in and out of relationships hoping just being with someone would make me happy, while I ignored my own mental needs.

During Lockdown, 32 at the time, I realized I had spent so much of my life working multiple jobs, making other people happy (family and girlfriends) and just staying busy that I hadn't taken the time for me. Time was only going by faster each year.

So I looked in the mirror and said "You know what? Life is too goddamn short for me to worry about what other people think - as long as I'm not hurting anyone, my path is my path." I'll walk it as I see fit, judgements and expectations of others be damned. I'm gonna live my life, focus on myself and not worry about chasing relationships - Id' find a way to be happy single - one doesn't need a partner to be happy.

After a few months of this way of thinking: Depression - gone, weight down by 40 pounds, confidence - higher than it's ever been. I'm doing so well, I've actually had the opportunity to ask someone out again (especially since I've lost weight) but I've found I'd just rather be single.

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TobyDaMan8894 t1_j24pfgt wrote

That’s awesome. It’s crazy how we forget about ourselves. You take care of you and the rest falls into place.

So glad you found the confidence in yourself to love yourself for who you are. Keep rocking.

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DerpyDaDulfin t1_j25dxd0 wrote

The older I got, the more I realized I needed to start looking after my health, and I'm just in my mid 30s. Then I read some bits from Plato and Aristotle about physical fitness and its importance to the mind and understanding and I finally had the motivation I needed to start working out.

Everyone has different needs when it comes to motivating for physical activity, but the benefits to mind body and soul cannot be understated.

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wonderwomxn88 t1_j24u0bt wrote

This is so much easier said than done more than half my problems are caused by me getting worried about what some bitch coworker says to me, what some asshole family member is saying to me etc. I am trying but it ain’t happening sadly.

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DerpyDaDulfin t1_j257j5f wrote

I get that people can suck, but I'll never forget what an old friend of mine once told me when someone was pissing me off. I got home and I was still mad, and he's sitting on the couch with a bong and he says

"Do you think they're thinking about you right now?"

"Maybe. Probably not." I said, frustrated.

"Why waste your time and energy thinking about someone who doesn't even think about you?"

"Well I..."

"Negative thoughts man. You get caught in a cycle it isn't good for you. Don't let them win by dwelling on the bad people. Just go with the flow and let the voices of haters be like ants beneath you..."

I'm paraphrasing that last paragraph a bit, but I remember it being about not dwelling on the hater's and ant voices, quite profound for a guy high as a kite haha

I'm not gonna let haters define me, put me into a box, or ruin my day by giving them attention after they've spread their toxicity. I'ma live my life, let them hate. The fact that it doesn't get to me only makes them saltier too xD

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sanityvortex t1_j25v9xm wrote

the real question is did you hit the bong after that passage of wisdom? :P

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morozco64 t1_j24mxat wrote

My psychiatrist literally told me the same thing last week. Fucked me up good, but grappling with the application is the part I’m on now

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TobyDaMan8894 t1_j24pwj7 wrote

Live by those words every minute, every hour, every day. It works. Take care of you first and foremost.

You’re right, it hit me like an upper punch. Knocked out everything I’d been doing. I don’t worry about what May or may not happen (that was the worst—the anxiety of upcoming social events ) and I have some sense of inner peace. Hard to explain

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Sierra-117- t1_j25bpxn wrote

My girlfriend has a very toxic family. She had to raise her own brothers. I constantly have to remind her of this. The battle is over, it’s time to rest and focus on yourself. If you don’t do it now, you’ll always put their needs before your own. Get stable first, then you can worry about helping others

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predictingzepast t1_j22rvs1 wrote

I wouldn't say I'm curious, at this point 2022 is a really dark underground empty parking lot late at night I'm just trying to make it out of alive. 2023 is the footsteps gaining quickly on me and the tiny non sharp car keys I'm gripping tightly in the false belief that if anything happens somehow they'll be enough to get me out alive, well that's my sanity..

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GelloniaDejectaria t1_j23njss wrote

Sieze the moment by being curious about the rapey footsteps coming your way. The odd cadence of the sounds hitting the pavement. The occasional scraping sound. The muffled grunt...

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DesignTight6889 t1_j23z3i4 wrote

Turns around, gets bitten by zombie

"Welp, this just got interesting. Wonder wha happnz nexgrblfnghbrrrrrraaaaaainzz"

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SpindlySpiders t1_j24gjky wrote

Maybe being a zombie is really awesome and they just want us to feel the same joy they do.

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Lampardinho18 t1_j22s7qn wrote

Damn thats a good one 👍

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[deleted] t1_j22uyxg wrote

[deleted]

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RamseyHatesMe t1_j23w3qu wrote

> part of me wants those footsteps to catch up to me and just end it.

Meanwhile in the U.S. there’s more legal precedent for an unarmed kid being shot dead than euthanasia.

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SurpriseCute5513 t1_j241bxe wrote

Dude, nobody gets out alive.

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dillrepair t1_j252t9t wrote

You are correct. Nobody does. Would be nice if people remembered this properly more often

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Chijinda t1_j25n5ze wrote

Since nobody gets out alive, makes no difference if someone gets out tomorrow then?

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datshinycharizard123 t1_j24f7qj wrote

Start running, start yelling. You may not know what’s coming behind you, but that doesn’t mean you just have to let it catch up?

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LiquidMotion t1_j23s5b9 wrote

The American dream

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[deleted] t1_j24f5i2 wrote

I love my American dream —-

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dillrepair t1_j252yj4 wrote

“I AM the American dream.” -don king, only in america…. Played by ving rhames

Same movie: “Aren’t you gonna wash your hands before you shake mine?” George Foreman

Don king: “I wash my hands before I touch my dick”

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apalebluedot t1_j24geme wrote

“It was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high.”

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RoytripwireMerritt t1_j22w7ms wrote

So it's like watching a boring movie and feeling obligated to see the ending because you already sat through most of it?

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jsimpson82 t1_j23n80q wrote

To me it's more like reading a book or a series, and finding yourself in a place where important characters, for whom you've developed a connection, are in trouble. They might die, they are separated from their loved ones, perhaps injured... and you know as you read on things might get worse. They might get awful.

But you keep reading, because you still want to know what happens next.

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SousvidesourD t1_j23nc23 wrote

Its more like if you go into every movie worried about how terrible its going to be you’re going to have a shitty time on the way to the theater, just relax and stop taking things so seriously.

Life sucks until about 40 and then things level out as the older generation realizes they are no longer the ones running the show, i see my 70 year old parents finally coming to the realization that their opinions wont matter soon and they’ve shifted their focus on making the most if the time they have left.

Its not the destination its the ride.

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throwingitaway724 t1_j23zyoo wrote

They haven’t got the furniture yet, so technically they haven’t even “started the movie”. Still pretty clever tho

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genuinely_insincere t1_j24a93l wrote

This is kind of a woosh moment. Which is rude but still. Like, they directly are addressing what you said. Yet you still made this statement.

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stackered t1_j24wple wrote

No, OP whooshed on what depression is like. You wouldn't ever be curious about the future, you already know its boring and bleak at best.

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CausticSofa t1_j251si5 wrote

I think it’s more like admitting that some of the movies you’ve seen were boring and disappointing but, rather than declaring all movies must be boring and disappointing, you now hone in on which genres or directors or writers or actors have been more enjoyable to watch. It’s a refinement process where you focus on which movies bring you satisfaction or contentment or at least amusement, regardless of whether other people say they are good movies or not. Then you watch more of the movies and stop wasting energy on the ones you know don’t work for you.

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RedSarc t1_j22wjb7 wrote

Curiosity vs Anxiety is real.

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Bayou13 t1_j23qukj wrote

Yeah I just tried to be curious about next year and got a terrible wave of anxiety. I’m better just sitting here like ok I’m ok in this moment. This moment is ok. This one too. The next one might be terrible, but I’m ok right now.

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greentr33s t1_j242gfy wrote

Anxiety can be used for motivation and as a tool to tell you you haven't done something before so you can be a bit on edge so you can soak up the environment, you don't want to let it ruin your curiosity accept its there, that it will pass, and continue on fumbling till you learn to walk.

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faultilyquarrel663 t1_j22qink wrote

I see a lot of ppl saying ‟things are going to be alright” or ‟everything‘s gonna be ok” and it‘s no necessarily like that, it‘s totally alright if things do not turn out alright, optimism is not an obligation, if you are alive going through it, that‘s what counts

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SomeonesRealAccount t1_j230bwt wrote

Someone said that optimism isn't just being all joyful, it's also being aware during bad times that it'll pass. You are sad, no need to act like you ain't but It'll pass as usual.

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MetalliTooL t1_j23mmyc wrote

Some things don’t pass and fuck you up for life. What then?

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jsimpson82 t1_j23nkrj wrote

Things can't always be the way they were, and sometimes will just get worse or harder.

If you don't find tomorrow better, you may at least find it interesting.

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Warriordan44 t1_j244nvc wrote

Are you fucked up for life? You have no hope in the afterlife..

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MetalliTooL t1_j24ul7v wrote

Wot

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Warriordan44 t1_j26lnxq wrote

Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, tried to emphasize some type of hope.. I don't think it had nothing to do with the post.. Trying to be optimistic and it came out the wrong way.

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megashedinja t1_j23tjcx wrote

I like to go with “Tomorrow’s another day.” Ipso facto true, but it’s enough for me.

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Lessiarty t1_j24l1ba wrote

>it‘s totally alright if things do not turn out alright

... surely only to a point?

Being alive just to keep taking body blows... Not sure who'd be up for that.

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Ok_Bumb t1_j22uxmj wrote

Does that mean one should force themselves to be curious if they currently are not?

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SousvidesourD t1_j23nmev wrote

Make a 5 year and 10 year plan, it saved my life knowing I had something to work towards, its in our dna to better our own lives, I think the younger generation being forced to live with their parents has hamstrung their emotional development stealing any sense of perceived control over their lives.

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Fresh-Loop t1_j247xtm wrote

Curiosity is what keeps us moving and growing.

I’d wager that everyone is curious, it’s just that they have convinced themselves the things they wish to know are out of reach.

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genuinely_insincere t1_j24al27 wrote

I think they are saying not to force yourself to feel hopeful. When you could just be idly curious. And that, that is probably enough.

If you take advice out of context, it's not going to work. It's only supposed to apply to the problem at hand. You're also supposed to move toward the light at the end of the tunnel. Not purposely go in the wrong direction. You already know what's back there. Just more tunnel.

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MDF87 t1_j23dz16 wrote

Curiosity is one of the very few reasons I decided to stick around. I have absolutely no hope for the future, but I am curious about how things are going to turn out.

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64_0 t1_j24l3eh wrote

Same! I've made it this far in these times. If nothing else, I'm interested in witnessing the ways r/collapse proceeds.

It's time to make your 2023 bingo card if you haven't already.

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krysterra t1_j25c7p8 wrote

What shall we include?

I'm thinking Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

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64_0 t1_j25uk20 wrote

I don't know this Marshmallow Man. Explain.

I'm expecting the upcoming water wars to gain mainstream attention. The Colorado River fiasco is already absurd and Arizona, California, Nevada will be especially affected very soon. I think all seven states relying on the Colorado River won't be able to agree to any concessions and will continue to overuse and Mexico will get screwed downriver. And we'll "notice" international water wars because water wars are finally in our consciousness.

I have aliens on reserve -- I don't think they'll appear until 2024 or later.

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dillrepair t1_j253hsf wrote

Right? I’m not quite that far gone yet but I take comfort in the idea that if I ever am I will still stick around just to watch it burn.

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PuttingInTheEffort t1_j25d8uu wrote

Yeah it's a big reason why I've kept going the past 15 years.

It's cool how far technology has come just in my current lifespan, I want to know where it continues to go

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IRMacGuyver t1_j22zub8 wrote

Getting to watch the robots kill all of humanity and being their to say I told you so is my only motivation at this point.

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Meeechiganfan19691 t1_j23or0q wrote

Meh. I’m not impressed by that quote. But if it works for you then that’s cool

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DeepDetermination t1_j25ff61 wrote

lol total opposite here, i think most of the quotes here are lame but that one os actually useful

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xjrod t1_j26xwl5 wrote

I agree, if you don’t have something to look forward to in life then that sucks

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LuneBlu t1_j23s8vq wrote

Tell me we're living dystopic times without telling me we're living dystopic times.

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poodlebutt76 t1_j24t398 wrote

I try to think about how I'm glad I wasn't born any time in the last 2000 years (any time after the agricultural revolution), otherwise if I didn't die as a kid of some horrible disease, I'd live to either die in childbirth, starvation, or watch most of my kids die of said diseases/starvation.

Generally the best time to be born was 10,000 years ago when we were still living the lives our brains and bodies are adapted to, or now when we've at least got vaccines, warm houses and comfy beds, and things like music and math and psychedelics and access to every book ever and strawberries or whatever else you happen to enjoy.

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LuneBlu t1_j24x0sc wrote

While yes, now we are subjected to the experience of civilizational decline and decadence. And it's not pretty going downhill and seeing the wheels fall off the wagon.

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jarekrictus t1_j24wqim wrote

Honestly, this has been the constant thing in the way of me attempting suicide since my last attempt. I, in no way, shape or form, actually want to kill myself anymore, because the curiosity about what tomorrow may bring is more powerful than not wanting to experience it.

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JitenMahajan69 t1_j23c4ur wrote

You people pay money to hear quotes which you can read in internet for free?

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LiquidMotion t1_j23s0kn wrote

This is a great justification for suicide. If I don't care about "what's next", then what's the point in sticking around for it?

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JupiterInMind t1_j27t9i2 wrote

Being hopeful and being curious are equally valid reasons for sticking around. Whether you're hopeful or curious, both can be considered forms of "caring".

If you never hopeful or curious, suicide is still not the default remaining option. You could choose to pursue nihilism.

Recommended study materials on nihism: Big Lebowski. If you don't laugh once, you know whose club to join.

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wild-hufflepuff t1_j24gi5i wrote

I described healing to my therapist as a well that's been dry finally starting to fill with water. After a while, there is enough water to start dipping a bucket and sharing with others. It honestly surprised me when I started looking forward to what my life will look like 5-10 years from now, as opposed to the dread I used to feel just getting out of bed each day. My outlook on life has completely changed with the right mix of medication and therapy.

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reaven3958 t1_j242yui wrote

Wtf this is depressing af

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amplifizzle t1_j24accl wrote

Apparently, I have accidentally stumbled into this truth.

Having no hope isn't hopelessness, it's Freedom.

Two members of my immediate family have decided to not continue living in the past two years.

I know they both had no hope, but my little sister could have had enough curiosity to continue. I could have helped.

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zelatecht t1_j24anh7 wrote

Yesterday my therapist said, "I'm getting to an age where I'm starting to hope I'm wrong and there's actually an afterlife." And I said, "Why!? Are you not tired?"

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penguinontherocks t1_j24wmkm wrote

I hear you. But also, if it's like religions like christianity say, it's damn better than the current. It's a chance to live without the burdens.

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zelatecht t1_j2501ox wrote

Oblivion will be my reward for slogging through this life. If I finally die only to wake up on the other side with another life to slog through I'm going to be furious.

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CoItron_3030 t1_j24p97r wrote

My friend told me a therapist basically changed his whole perception on his life after the love of his life died, his best friend died, and he stared diving into Alcohol and stuff cuz he didn’t know how to deal with the pain anymore. I guess the therapist told him “it’s okay to feel sad and devastated about this, you deserve to feel this way, and no one can take that from you, it’s okay take as long as you want to hurt, no one can say any different and you can come out whenever you are ready” and I guess he just cried like crazy and eventually started feeling better after that

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[deleted] t1_j24wcew wrote

[deleted]

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Mentalfloss1 t1_j25mmtf wrote

I’ve only been moderately depressed at times in my life so please assume that I’m talking out my butt here, but do you think that you can find something that does interest you?

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CausticSofa t1_j250v4c wrote

A good therapist has such wonderful gems of wisdom to share. I remember mine once telling me, “Failure is an unavoidable fact of life. You just need to decide what sort of scenery you want to be looking at the next time you fail.” Life changing!

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Kitahorror t1_j2510s0 wrote

I can spoil it for you if you want. Its relentless shit and misery here on out.

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Overall_Explorer7158 t1_j22ws2e wrote

It's pretty easy to be hopefull for the future tho. If you put in work now, your furure self will probably be better off.

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BoringAccountNG t1_j23w6zg wrote

Tell me your therapist has given up on you without telling me your therapist has given up on you.

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WackyJaber t1_j24a5x9 wrote

What if I'm not curious? What if I expect things to constantly get worse?

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captaindeadpl t1_j24ceh9 wrote

This does not sound very motivating. If you're imprisoned by the CIA you don't want to stay there because you're curious how they're going to torture you.

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EmuInteresting589 t1_j24n8ap wrote

If you're curious it's because you think; 'something good might be there'. That's literally the definition of hope.

I think they just didn't understand that.

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quartzqueen44 t1_j24rdfw wrote

Love this. I just lost a family member so I really needed this post. It’s hard to look forward to the future right now when I’m grieving.

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Syonoq t1_j24vy44 wrote

Once when I was going through some really dark stuff, and I was thinking about quitting, a friend simply said; "don't you wanna know what happens next?" And I'll be dammed, but I did.

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Cryolith t1_j257ohh wrote

Curiosity is all that's left, 'cause there's no fucking hope for humanity.

That's the whole point of absurdism, really. We know there's no inherent meaning to anything, and existence is ultimately pointless, so we might as well enjoy what we can while we're here, and mock the rest.

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Mentalfloss1 t1_j25mae6 wrote

I don’t see a reason to mock. That helps no one. But curiosity of really one of the foundations of my life and I’m an old man.

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JupiterInMind t1_j27xqag wrote

We mock the notion that we should fear. Because, fear loses to laughter.

The strongest people I've known in life found a way to laugh in the most dire of moments. It's a brilliant example of one's ability to exert control, even when we would otherwise have none.

I'm reminded of the scene in Casino Royale when Bond mocks the antagonist, "I can tell the world you scratched my balls" (not sure of exact words) as he's being tortured by way of rope whipping to the genitals.

We can't control the world, but we can control ourselves.

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Mentalfloss1 t1_j292sk1 wrote

I've spent a lot of time in remote wilderness areas, often with friends and alone. I've read a lot about those who do extreme adventure. A sense of humor and being upbeat even in crappy situations is a mark of the survivor. My oldest friend and I can both find humor, even grim humor, in bad situations when we're out there. We don't go twice with anyone who is negative.

I worked in hospitals and heard and observed that patients with a sense of humor and relentlessly positive healed better and faster. So yes, I agree. Thanks.

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shryke12 t1_j25bm8w wrote

This isn't motivating. What the fuck is living without hope?? This is coping material, not motivating material.

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Mentalfloss1 t1_j25m4wk wrote

Doesn’t curiosity imply the future and that there will be fascinations to living on? And that is one basis of hope. How do you acquire hope?

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Mentalfloss1 t1_j25lqty wrote

When people ask me about the meaning of life or the terrible sad question, “Why go on living?”, I always say curiosity as one of my reasons.

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ultradianfreq t1_j266ecb wrote

Something a psychologist said that had a similar impact on me is: life isn’t the way it should be, it’s the way it is. Not sure if she was quoting someone but it was eye opening to me to truly take that in.

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Safe_Reporter_8259 t1_j2314ge wrote

My psychiatrist told me People process trauma in different ways Your trauma is just as valid as anyone else’s is. That really affected me.

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FormicaDinette33 t1_j234anc wrote

That is good. We put so much pressure on outcomes.

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ifoundit1 t1_j236rj3 wrote

He actually probably decided to hold his morning poop to make that dollar that morning for that statement.

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SquirrelAkl t1_j23j77e wrote

It’s pretty much why I stick around when times get tough: I want to see what happens in the future (in a global sense, not for me personally).

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FallenITD t1_j23o6a0 wrote

That just mean that even to him his patient was hopeless so tried to sweeten the issue a bit

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jus1scott t1_j23o74k wrote

"hope is just the openness to surprise"

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Buttertubbs t1_j23puac wrote

Curiousity is dead. Just believe what the authority says, and carry on. What can you possibly know, peasant?

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ClassicHair6033 t1_j23r5he wrote

I like that one takes the pressure off of you

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Angry_german87 t1_j23wv8m wrote

Thats pretty mutch the only thing that has been keeping me going tbh. I just want to se what happens in the world and especially what kinds of technologies are gonna be invented.

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Hendlton t1_j23xflt wrote

Hard to be curious when you feel like Peter from Office Space. Every day of my life has been worse than the one before. Even when I have a good day, it feels like the next few do their best to make up for it.

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TencilCatButt t1_j23y36d wrote

Curiosity is the opposite of boredom

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VPNApe t1_j2401el wrote

I don't know how people can be suicidal. Even if my life was total shit it'd be worth it to me to stay alive just to see new films. And that's just one source of enjoyment.

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hopbel t1_j243md9 wrote

Ah yes, morbid curiosity keeps me going

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Warriordan44 t1_j244743 wrote

I'd fuck your therapist up and say your curiosity has arrived..

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Necromartian t1_j244at0 wrote

We do not know the future, hence it is safest to assume everything will end up fine.

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domine18 t1_j2462sd wrote

This is my mantra. Good/bad, ugly/pretty, fun/boring. I am interested what will happen and that keeps me going.

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kalonjiseed t1_j24aba3 wrote

Losing all hope was freedom.

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Player7592 t1_j24cu0s wrote

Thank you. I’ve been trying to reconcile my outlook and I think that sums it up nicely.

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DancesWithMyr t1_j24dwt5 wrote

Buddhist detachment with extra steps

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[deleted] t1_j24ex6x wrote

Of course. You don’t have to have kids, a family. You don’t have to eat well 24/7 or work out … it is YOUR LIFE.

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drion4 t1_j24fnll wrote

That's the premise of every horror movie ever.

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TvamandAham t1_j24gsax wrote

As long as it's not morbid!!!

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The5Virtues t1_j24iovj wrote

This has been my mantra for a long time. Even when life is absolutely shit I keep going, because dammit things on this crazy blue ball are getting interesting and I want to see what happens next!

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HowDoIInto t1_j24lxad wrote

My curiosity turned to abject terror a long time ago

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MiamiHeatAllDay t1_j24nov4 wrote

This is a weak statement.

Stop thinking about the future if you’re not hopeful, focus on improving your outlook for today

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prunytown t1_j24p2rk wrote

Anytime I see truths like this, I see if I can find the same or similar truth in the Bible and I always can. I just find it interesting that a “new” truth will be worded differently but the exact same truth can be found in a 2k year (and older) collection of books.

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runeza43 t1_j24skte wrote

I keep pushing through because people around me that probably care or remember about me feel immense sadness when i suddenly gone

I rather be the one seeing them gone because i used to seeing something the meaningful and matter for me gone than other people around me

I guess that's what i keep in my mind when i have my darkest moment in my life

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glytxh t1_j24tmsx wrote

I’m resigned to having a front row seat to the end of the world, and I think that’s kinda rad.

I have zero agency over any of it, so I may as well get comfy and enjoy the fireworks with a glass of champagne in hand.

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Mentalfloss1 t1_j25mxay wrote

Birth is a death sentence but today is all that actually exists.

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kingofgods218 t1_j24tobn wrote

As long as One Piece manga continues and MCU films keep coming out, I'll stick around.

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mr_glide t1_j24v4uq wrote

So, lower your expectations? How very motivating

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Mentalfloss1 t1_j25mupr wrote

That’s not lowering expectations as I see it. For me, curiosity is a foundation of hope in that I know that something new will come along that will interest me. In a way, that’s hope.

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teufler80 t1_j257ucy wrote

My was to look at live is like "You don't have to be happy, just be fine"

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prajesh1986 t1_j2593jt wrote

My therapist said something that really touched me the other day, "Thats my invoice for $250 for the appointment. See you next week"

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shemague t1_j25bky3 wrote

Oh wow ACT really coming thru for someone

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Rvtrance t1_j25f7vd wrote

There are some amazing saying that really unlock something in your mind. “One day at a time” is one that sticks out for me.

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CrystalloidEntity t1_j25gc7y wrote

My therapist: just hang in there, Elden Ring DLC will be worth it.

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whatoneaarrrthisthat t1_j25s3jy wrote

Man, therapists really are trained professionals huh? Not just random weirdo’s who get off listening to people’s worries.

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TargettNSA t1_j262zr3 wrote

This is eye-opening for you, and your personal context. Nevertheless, great that you made a big step in therapy!

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caitica86 t1_j26awur wrote

That concept likely saved my life after I heard it. Aways being curious about what’s next has brought me a life I couldn’t have imagined during the worst days.

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disruptioncoin t1_j26bibh wrote

I remember telling my therapist how fake it felt to try to feign positivity and reframe my negative thought processes in some positive way. She told me it's not about positivity. It's about reframing things in a more REALISTIC and PRODUCTIVE way.

Would you ever speak to a friend or even a stranger the way you've been speaking to yourself? Probably not. So why do you you think it's okay (or natural or realistic) to be so cruel to yourself? (is what she said to me)

Furthermore these negative thoughts processes have outcomes that are preventing you from living the life you want and achieving the goals you set for yourself. You need to approach your thoughts and feelings in a way that moves you forward toward actions that create the outcomes you want in life. Reflecting on mistakes, circumstances, etc. is important and useful, but can easily turn into rumination and leave you stuck rather than push you forward.

Beating yourself up, looking for scapegoats, ruminating on your mistakes, etc. is not a productive use of your mental energy and will not result in actions that get you anywhere you want to be, which creates a cycle of bad results, thoughts and actions that will keep repeating until you start retraining your brain to approach things in a productive way that produces the results you want. It's not an easy or quick change however and requires constant work (starting off with small steps), just like training a set of muscles or changing your posture. Your brain gets wired to work a certain way and rewiring it takes lots of repetition.

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yogigal41 t1_j26e34b wrote

Thank you for taking care of yourself and thank you for sharing the insight 🙏🏻

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Pirascule t1_j26gcqx wrote

That's ancient Stoic philosophy.

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Basket-Beautiful t1_j26l2kp wrote

Love it! ❤️Only one time did my therapist say something that made a difference- but it rocked!

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skbelal23 t1_j26w0ij wrote

Upvote bace please

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RenzoARG t1_j279cyi wrote

"... as in, you don't have to hope my fees will be low for today's session. Just feel curious on how much is it and pay up."

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biglittlerichard t1_j24eej2 wrote

Lmao "climate change is going to kill at least half of the world's population and likely render the global economy useless, reverting us back to a sort of dystopian, futuristic feudalism where the luckiest of us will be forced north, towards the cooler climes, where we will become indentured servants to the richest people on earth, lucky to earn our daily pittance of bread and coal to stay warm... aren't you curious what that will be like?!"

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Virtual-Chest6629 t1_j26x75j wrote

People pay for this kind of advice? Lmaooooo goddamn, what’s wrong with some people?

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RanCestor t1_j22zaka wrote

Curiosity killed the cat. Someone would probably burn this therapist on the stake but I don't judge.

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