Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

SouthernZorro t1_j6dgldr wrote

A guy was very drunk at a bar when he puked all over his suit. He said, "Oh, no! My Wife will kill me when I get home!"

The guy next to him said, "You got 20 bucks? Let me tell you how to get off her bad side".

When the drunk got home, sure enough his wife was furious to see the puke on him. He said, "Hold on! This really drunk guy at the bar is who puked on me and he gave me this 20 bucks to get my suit cleaned!" With that he pulled out two 20 dollar bills.

She said, "But what's the other 20 for?"

He replied, "Well, next he shit my pants".

1,976

eagleeyerattlesnake t1_j6eiqoj wrote

Why did the other guy ask if the first guy had $20? Shouldn't he have given the guy $20 instead?

180

BlueEyedBlackOwl t1_j6eq4hg wrote

He wasn’t offering him a solution for $20, he was saying if drunk dude had $20 he could say it was given to him as an excuse.

131

BioletVeauregarde33 t1_j6g507s wrote

Wouldn't it be $40?

−21

nIBLIB t1_j6g66ir wrote

Why would it be $40?

10

BioletVeauregarde33 t1_j6g68pe wrote

Because 20 + 20 = 40.

−3

nIBLIB t1_j6ghd8k wrote

Drunk puked on himself. Guy said ‘you got $20 here’s the plan’. Drunk shit himself on the way home and improved the second $20. So the drunk had $40. But guy isn’t psychic. He just gave him the $20 plan and so that’s all he asked about.

24

LASER_Dude_PEW t1_j6g863b wrote

Is this one of the "woosh" things?

7

BioletVeauregarde33 t1_j6g8ds6 wrote

If he was asking the guy if he had $20 and not giving him any more money, where did the other $20 come from?

−7

LASER_Dude_PEW t1_j6g8vkb wrote

The other guy asked, "do you have $20?" and then told him what to do. So he used his own $20 (actually $40) to convince his wife that another dude puked on him (and also pooped in his pants). Maybe he swung by an ATM or something.

3

BlueEyedBlackOwl t1_j6g95l1 wrote

It was originally $20 because it was just puke. But it can be ascertained the guy had a second 20 on him and when hit shit himself decided to use the same line.

4

bigFatBigfoot t1_j6ekly3 wrote

Why would he give him his own money in real life?

111

Kat_GotYourTongue t1_j6g7rw4 wrote

He was saying “hey dude if you have 20$ on you, just say someone else threw up on you & show her your 20$ saying it was given to you as an apology” not requesting 20$ for advice.

48

5-MEO-D-M-T t1_j6gnsjf wrote

The guy puked on his own suit, the guy next to him was offering his advice on how to get out of trouble.

2

Who-shat t1_j6h5x03 wrote

Clement Freud did a good dead pan rendition of this joke.

3

NorvalMarley t1_j6grjpb wrote

I saw Funkhauser tell this joke on a documentary and I tell it all the time too!

2