Young gay couple relocating to the area (JC, Manhattan or Brooklyn?)

Submitted by manuelalej305 t3_105iteg in jerseycity

My boyfriend and I (gay couple, 30 and 26) will be moving to the NYC area and we are trying to decide whether to move to JC, Manhattan, or Brooklyn. We definitely like the vibe in JC the most, but our main concern is whether there are enough gay people our age to make a new friend group because we don’t know anyone in the area, or do most young gays live in the city and therefore living in JC will make it more difficult to form a friend group? Would love to hear other people’s thoughts

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nk1 t1_j3b68ik wrote

There’s a ton of gays on the Jersey side and especially in JC. I’ve been able to make friends just fine here. Plenty in NYC too obviously but you’ll probably have to work a little harder to meet up.

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moobycow t1_j3bsfw2 wrote

Jersey City just received a perfect score for inclusiveness.

https://www.nj.com/news/2022/12/these-5-nj-municipalities-get-top-scores-for-being-lgbtq-friendly-study-says.html?outputType=amp

I am not gay, so take this bit for what it is worth, but I have heard that moving into the area can take some adjustment as LGTBQ are just so much a part of the regular life of the city that it feels strange. Pretty much everything and everywhere is gay friendly. So much so that it is almost not worth much discussion about where, specifically, to live.

Anyway, I expect that you will find enough people no matter where you decide to settle.

Best of luck, I wish you success with your move.

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pixel_of_moral_decay t1_j3cj6qu wrote

That’s just laws and policies as the article notes.

I know someone who left for Brooklyn a few years back because lack of business diversity. Some LGBTQ, like the person I know prefer to patronize and work for LGBTQ businesses (vote with your wallet and all). It’s apparently pretty exhausting finding nearby everything that satisfies that around here. Doctors, dry cleaners, groceries, etc. Brooklyn makes it easy apparently. Sometimes just not being visibly hostile isn’t enough.

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Capable_Elk_3070 t1_j3c08q0 wrote

I'm gay, live in JC with my spouse, and most of my friends live in Manhattan. I don't think this is a jersey city problem though, it's just that I met most of my friends in grad school in NYC and it's hard to make friends as an adult! Personally, I still find it worth it. I live in the heights, so I can live in a three bedroom apartment with backyard access for the price of a one bedroom on the upper west side, where most of my friends live.

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Equivalent_Base901 t1_j3kfd0x wrote

I know this isn't going to be a popular opinion in this forum, but.... I'm a gay man, and I've lived in all three places you've mentioned, although I've been in JC since 2012 (I'm 45). I am emotionally attached to Jersey City, it is a gay-friendly town, there are lots of gay people here in JC of all ages, and the community is very supportive. However, if I were in your position and given how old you two are, especially if you are going to be living in NYC area for the first time, I would opt to live in Manhattan for a year or two, even if it were a 1-BR shoebox in a 5th floor walk-up. After that experience, you two can decide to move out to JC or BK but I don't think you'd regret or ought to skip living in Manhattan, even if it's a short time.

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fuzedz t1_j3cu6et wrote

Theres so many gays here

Whenever i walk my dog several couples used to stop us to pet him lolll

Maybe just anecdotal evidence though

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powatwain t1_j3ez6oq wrote

I’ve been living Downtown for almost 12-years now, and the gay-friendly scene and community has seemed to grow more every year

If you are bar people, Pint and Six26 are very easy spots to make friends.

Pint is more the neighborhood/Cheers vibe, snd Six26 has the lounge/club/Nyc bar feel to it

I moved here with zero friends, and I’d say 95% of my friends are gay

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_switch360_ t1_j3bpmm2 wrote

Why not just make friends? Why is it ok to say you want friends with a a specific sexual identity? With all the rainbows flying in JC it’s hard to believe this question has to be asked.

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BromioKalen t1_j3buiyg wrote

Sometimes people connect with and befriend others who they share common experiences with. Growing up gay can be very difficult and many gay people like to socialize and build a network with their fellow gay brothers and sisters. Chosen family. To the OP, there are lots of family here in Jersey City. You should not have any problem.

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manuelalej305 OP t1_j3c7csl wrote

Let me clarify, this post does not mean that we are only interested in making gay friends. We are very social people and we know we will make friends, in general, anywhere we go. But it is typical human nature to have a subset of your friends being those who have shared similar life experiences and can connect at a much deeper level. I have friends with very different backgrounds than mine who I love and admire. But I know they have subsets of friends with which they share experiences that I will never understand and will therefore never be able to provide them with the safe space they need, and it doesn’t offend me that I’m excluded from their gatherings and activities every once in a while. When it comes to make other gay (or lgbtq in general) friends, location typically matter as we tend to congregate in certain areas, primary, as a defense mechanism to keep each other safe. If you think we live in a perfect society already where it’s all unicorns and rainbows, read this article

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/12/20/nyregion/drag-queen-story-hours-protests-nyc.html

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moobycow t1_j3bstx0 wrote

Have you seen America lately? The whole country isn't exactly oozing inclusivity vibes. I get why people who can expect to experience outright bigotry and potential violence in many areas feel the need to ask this question.

If you're from JC, or the area, it can be really hard to understand the extent to which almost every single place being welcoming is unusual.

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_switch360_ t1_j3bt91t wrote

This is where I disagree and that was my point - the NYC metro area and most other urban areas have been bending over backwards with inclusivity for a very long time and over last few years it has been expanded exponentially.

Wasn’t defense of marriage act just signed? That’s at the national level. JC has been progressive for decades.

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moobycow t1_j3btqfn wrote

Yes, it has, but that doesn't mean that people just moving to the area know exactly what that means from a lived experience perspective.

If you're moving here for the first time from a place less inclusive, not knowing the extent to which it is simply is not an issue here is understandable.

From the opposite perspective, in recent years the extent to which gay friends (and Jewish friends) have gotten smacked in the face by the national scene when they hadn't really had to think much about their identity as a target for years, has saddened me a great deal.

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RAWisROLLIE t1_j3bzji6 wrote

Yes, and racism was completely fixed when slavery was ended! /s

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