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[deleted] t1_je73sgf wrote

[deleted]

182

Foootballdave t1_je790qu wrote

Toilets have been smarter than lots of humans for ages. Mine beat me at chess last week.

94

puma721 t1_je7a01k wrote

Where can I get this tp

61

starsky1357 OP t1_je7be6j wrote

trust me, you don't want it. it's so rough.

107

puma721 t1_je7e7b2 wrote

I'm thinking as like a gag gift

23

7_Bundy t1_je8el1c wrote

It’s rough so it might be an uncomfortable gag.

10

elMurpherino t1_je8exvb wrote

Lol my first thought upon seeing this pic was damn that looks like the texture of printer paper.

15

azlan194 t1_je9l44v wrote

Yeah, I thought it was a printed receipt at first. Upon closer inspection, it still looks like a printed receipt, lol

9

-Aone t1_je9m5ls wrote

I... don't think these are actual supposed to be in your bathroom. its a gag gift, dont wipe with that lol

5

htp-di-nsw t1_je7s5oj wrote

How do you even stand and wipe? I am genuinely confused. If you stand up, don't your cheeks close?

45

starsky1357 OP t1_je7s9fv wrote

SPREAD 'EM

15

htp-di-nsw t1_je7sewr wrote

Like, with your hand? So it's a two hand job? Or is there a butt muscle standing wipers have developed that I don't even know exists?

10

x21in2010x t1_je8bjb9 wrote

Do you remember the 'athletic position' every middle school coach taught you? Its a bit more relaxed than that but frankly I'd rather a minor quad workout than playing Buttcrack Operation 8 inches from shitty toilet water.

5

htp-di-nsw t1_je8erbv wrote

> Do you remember the 'athletic position' every middle school coach taught you?

No? I must have gone to very different school than you!

> I'd rather a minor quad workout than playing Buttcrack Operation 8 inches from shitty toilet water.

Have people actually punched toilet water while wiping somehow? Is that a real fear people have? It has never even occurred to me as a possibility. You lean forward a little and turn slightly to lift a cheek--your hand isn't even really going past the rim. How did you think people wiped while sitting?

This is one of the weirdest conversations I've ever had...

20

Yoloswaggit420 t1_je8mf6x wrote

The athletic position is just slightly bending your knees to give you a lower center of gravity. Look at how linebackers/cornerbacks line up in football or you'll see the stance of a defender in basket ball where their knees are bent and hands up or on thighs. Obviously your hands are wiping your butt in this scenario lol

5

shpooople33 t1_je93gji wrote

In a lot of european countries there are still toilets with the elevated floor standing WC.

Mostly a relic of old times where people were controlling their poop to check if they are healthy etc.

Your poop is very close to your hand then. I think thats where stand wiping origins from.

1

NoTurkeyTWYJYFM t1_je9d1tb wrote

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but after having a chat with one of my mates recently, I think it's because some people with big asses have to do this because their cheeks make a seal around the seat if they remain sat down. My mate was talkin bout how he has to spread his cheeks manually when shitting and it was a bizarre bit of information to digest

Funnily enough, I'm typing this while having a shit, just fyi

4

NewReddit101 t1_je8na08 wrote

Everyone knows you’re supposed to stand and catch it and then wipe later

2

Saulrodrgz t1_je7m8bs wrote

Looks like there's shit on it already

24

Dr-Retz t1_je7fuca wrote

Most posts seen there belong on the roll.

9

Mr310 t1_je803ga wrote

I wouldn't want any of that ink on my booty, send mine to someone else reddit gif

5

schnaab t1_je8tmbk wrote

That's cool, reddit usually gives me permabans

4

5125237143 t1_je92c1g wrote

who are you and how do you get nice things from reddit

4

Nellasofdoriath t1_je8c2zz wrote

They're not designed for those who sit and wipe either

3

imafixwoofs t1_je94xk3 wrote

Because standing wiping is an abomination.

3

digoryj t1_je9mbgy wrote

You know what else isn’t designed for auto-flush toilets? Those damn cheap ass shit toilet seat covers. I sware, you have to pop out the bottom flap which is always a pain because of the cheap paper ripping, then when you finally set it down on the toilet seat and make some adjustments, auto-flush triggers and flushes all your hard work away.

3

Dravuhm t1_je76bh8 wrote

Standing wipers?

4 year olds?

2

yfgdr t1_je77qko wrote

What's wrong with standing wipers

18

_Silly_Wizard_ t1_je77yps wrote

Can confirm it works at 4 and at 40.

Furthermore, you must not be familiar with the style of defecation known as the iceberg.

8

sadetheruiner t1_je7cxxb wrote

Ok I have to ask, I think I’m going to regret it though. But what’s the iceberg?

8

_Silly_Wizard_ t1_je7lc7o wrote

It's when your doodoo piles up and breaks the surface of the water, of course.

Typically results in your standard iceberg formation of 10% above water, 90% below.

Don't want to scrape knuckles on the thing.

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sadetheruiner t1_je7rx7v wrote

Alright makes sense actually, I am a frequent pooper so things don’t escalate that far lmao.

8

NoTurkeyTWYJYFM t1_je9d8gq wrote

Alright firstly, congrats on taking such fat shits

Secondly, this sounds like a geographical thing because toilet water level in the uk is at least 7 or 8 inches below dick level. Unless your name is Randy Marsh, perchance?

5

_Silly_Wizard_ t1_je9pw2c wrote

When it comes to toilets, America is the wild west. Sometimes you're perched over a porcelain grand canyon, sometimes your nut hairs will be tickling the surface of a shallow pond.

We desperately need universal toilet reform!

3

NoTurkeyTWYJYFM t1_je9q4wm wrote

Yes. I vote maximum water level to envelope the anus plus the dick and balls for smooth expulsion

1

ds_afk t1_je7ydep wrote

Enjoy all that ink up your butthole

2

tigerf117 t1_je83tmw wrote

Even if you don’t stand and wipe put a little TP over the sensor so you can stand and pull your pants up without that vicious water spray. Then you can yank the TP and get out before that nasty water splashes, at least at the high pressure violent ones like at my work.

2

oddntt t1_je8m3tl wrote

Here's a Showerthought: Toilet paper containing red ink could disguise a dangerous medical condition.

Oh wait... that's a News article.

2

StuffedGaiwan t1_je8nk3w wrote

I always wondered why the automatic flushing urinals start to flush when I'm done pissing and I start to shake the last drops off. Like it knows I'm done but I don't want it to flush until I'm done shaking my dick.

2

lostinthetrash4ever t1_je7gp78 wrote

Where do you get these ???

1

DelusionsBigIfTrue t1_je7i06l wrote

If you still use toilet paper in 2023 you gotta let go man

Dude wipes or bidets 😎

−10

finnjakefionnacake t1_je7kjhw wrote

or let people do what they do lol.

TP works for me because i shit like clockwork, in the morning right before taking a shower every day. so i'm going to be clean either way.

3

DelusionsBigIfTrue t1_je7kp4m wrote

I used to have that :( Would go every morning but now every day it’s offset by 2-4 hours.

Used to shit at 10am every morning lol, now it could be 11, could be 4. I’m not sure what I changed!

Wish I could go back. Felt some good old man pride knowing what time I’d shit.

0

lostinthetrash4ever t1_je7it12 wrote

I plan to start using water more often cuz way better

2

DelusionsBigIfTrue t1_je7j3az wrote

Yeah it’s nice to actually feel clean instead of wiping your poo around with a piece of paper

I have to take Dude Wipes with me everywhere now and it’s worth the inconvenience

I gotta find a cheaper not-so-gimmicky wipe brand soon

−6

DogDavid t1_je7wpuh wrote

Ah yes because that sub has turned to shit! I see what your did there

1

NoFate1984 t1_je96hvp wrote

There are already toilets smarter than some humans

1

NatureMiserable5714 t1_je9ninc wrote

I was permanently banned from that sub so everything associated with it is getting downvoted

1

leadeath t1_jea7v6w wrote

These are all ToiletThoughts, not ShowerThoughts

1

Zeal391 t1_jea85vj wrote

What neanderthal stands up and wipes?

1

eyes_made_of_wood t1_jeaa0su wrote

The concept of standing wipers upsets me to my core.

1

mm2_gamer t1_jeaccn3 wrote

That’s disgusting…where?

1

GSPilot t1_jeaeyha wrote

Is there a “he gets us” every third square?

1

xEdwardTeach t1_jeathi5 wrote

The last one: there already are…

1