Advice for meeting other women/making friends?

Submitted by Rytelwife t3_125wzbi in newjersey

I'm a Canadian (25F) currently here (Parsippany area) and I'm getting a bit bummed out being socially isolated (by my circumstances of being a student mostly at home in a new city). I don't really know anyone here. I'm a student from home so I don't really go anywhere. The places I do go (grocery store, mundane places) don't seem like an appropriate place to make friends. People tend to look at you a little funny when you try to strike up a conversation when they're just trying to buy their food, which I get. Would anyone have some advice on how to make some friends? I miss going for coffee, going for dinner, to the movies, taking my dog to the park with people. My entire social support network is literally a continent away (I'm from the west coast). I guess in adulthood I kind of lost the ability to make friends. It's not like I'm a crazy person, it's just before this my entire friend group had been from school and work. Now I'm here and I'm so shocked by how much not going to a place of work has just completely removed my ability to make friends. I like to read, knit, write, paint, draw, I love animals, I love squishmallows, I love camping, cooking, overall very social. Just at a loss of where to meet other women to hang out with to actually do/ discuss these interests with. I want to go to target and get starbucks with the girls, lol. I think my partner is sick of being my only source of sociability...

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Captain-Rhubarb t1_je6e6ge wrote

Look at meetup or your local yarn store (if you have one) for a knitting group. Same for a women’s hiking group. Could also look for a volunteer activity if your schedule allows.

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darkwolf131 t1_je6krie wrote

What field are you planning to work in once you graduate? Similarly to joining meetups focused on your hobbies, you can meet and network with like-minded people by going to meetups related to your field. I don't think it's a huge deal that you're still in school--you might connect with a great mentor and/or make inroads in your industry.

As a reader, check out local book clubs! Just about every library has them. Also, look into adult school classes. A lot of communities have community education courses for adults (for example, Chatham Adult School and SOMA Adult School) and you can meet people with similar interests by taking fun classes with them.

It's tough, I know. And it might take some time and a lot of effort to meet people who really click with you. So I say give all of those things a shot, and maybe even involve your partner in trying to be more social and meet people! Even if you go out as a couple, you might meet other couples in your demographic (and outside it...one thing about adult friendships is, age doesn't matter as much anymore. You might really hit it off with somebody who's 10 years older than you) and make "couple friends" that way, which can turn into something lovely on its own and lead to 1-1 friendships.

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Sinsid t1_je6tsgg wrote

How did you end up where you are? It’s just curious you put yourself in a situation that bothers you. I’m not trying to judge. Genuinely curious.

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Rytelwife OP t1_je6veap wrote

Replying to darkwolf131 (#2,458,601)

I’ll be a nurse once I’m finished with school so it’s not much of a networking profession haha! I think joining the clubs is probably going to be what I will do. I haven’t found a whole lot of clubs, but I’ll keep looking.

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Sinsid t1_je6vw9a wrote

Replying to Rytelwife (#2,460,819)

Ok well, several options come to mind.

Start drinking at bars, make friends.

Start going to meetups, make friends. The testicular cancer meetup is fun.

Start going to school in person.

Get a job, in person.

Start going to church (not something I would do but…)

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oogyb t1_je733qc wrote

Bumble Bff. It's where I've made all my friends the past year

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jumpyjumperoo t1_je73ixd wrote

See if your library, or one nearby, has programming for New Adults (18-30 years old). It's a new but growing programming segment. Ours has trivia nights, book clubs, art events, gaming hangouts and other things are in development for your age group. If they don't have it ask them to consider it. We're about half an hour from you but if you don't mind the drive message me and I'll give you more info.

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ApplicationNo2506 t1_je77aye wrote

If your into fitness or want to give it I try, gyms are a great place to meet people and make friends. The people there generally enjoy helping people and are very friendly

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SnooWords4839 t1_je7cwci wrote

NJ.org has organized hikes at different state parks thru the year.

Look for local hiking groups.

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littlegatoralfred t1_je7ep9m wrote

Check out the Morristown Ladies Bub Club, they have events every so often just for making friends.

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pleuvonics t1_je7fdcx wrote

Bumble BFF is a nice start. I’m too chicken to actually talk to someone though lol

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hotstargirl t1_je7g4n3 wrote

There are social sports leagues in Morristown right near by. You could do anything from cod hole to kickball depending on how active you are. Check out jersey club sports

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Superb_Programmer127 t1_je7ju6s wrote

I lived in Parsippany for 20 years, and it’s tough since it’s on the larger side.

If you’re political, both parties have active committees. That’s how I made friends when I lived there.

Recess is a fun bar with a younger crowd.

Boonton Station 1904 is in the next town and can have a fun bar on the weekends. They also have sip and paint and craft events.

The PAL has events and I think boxing and other fitness classes.

Good luck!

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bubblegumdavid t1_je7xedn wrote

Hey!

Welcome to the area, we’re not far from you! It takes some doing, but going to bars and just talking until people stick works. Being a little flexible on age range to strike up a convo with too is a good idea. My husband and I met a bunch of our friends that way, we’re 26/27 and our friends are a few years younger and we met them at a bar nearby. Husband didn’t know a soul when we moved here and now he’s got golf bros lol

I get it though, most of my girl friends live elsewhere too, and it sucks trying to branch out when in the suburbs because it feels like most people have found their niche or aren’t interested in befriending new people

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bubblegumdavid t1_je83i5u wrote

Replying to Rytelwife (#2,470,108)

I’ve heard coed sports stuff is also really great! And gym classes too!

One of our friends met his girlfriend that way, and another has met a ton of friends through it.

I saw you said you’re going to be in nursing? Fortunately nursing around here is often tight knit, which is great. Highly recommend Newark Beth when you’re looking for roles, I know a few people in nursing there and they’re super sweet (not that sometimes stereotype of mean girls).

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wanderer316 t1_je8c04d wrote

I’m 24F in the parsippany area and work from home too! We have a lot in common (minus the camping part) 😂 feel free to message me- I just moved here last year and looking for friends!!

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CassiLeigh16 t1_je8cuxw wrote

Replying to hotstargirl (#2,465,489)

I messaged OP directly about this as my friend and I just signed up to meet new people, somewhat similar situation. FYI it’s run by VOLO sports now! We’re going to play pickleball…. Neither of us have really played so it should be interesting :)

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I_DRINK_ANARCHY t1_je8dii5 wrote

I definitely recommend FB groups for activities you're interested in (my husband and I have made a couple friends through the kayaking and motorcycle groups we're in).

And, uh, if it's not overly dorky, I've legit made friends while traveling by playing Pokemon Go. It was a bit different before the pandemic, because everything social needed to happen relatively close to the gyms to battle and now Pokemon Go lets you do stuff from a distance. But if people are starting to congregate around the gyms again, it's a fun way to make a wide group of friends.

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BYNX0 t1_je8ibwv wrote

Yeah, having conversations with strangers in most public places in NJ is not very common/normal like it would be in the south.

Not to say you won't ever find someone nice on the street to talk to though.

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Exact_Attention3150 t1_je8l9iz wrote

I'm in the same boat essentially - all my girl friends live in different states and I didn't move to NJ until after high school. I've been meaning to try putting myself out there, but I also feel like I've forgotten how to make friends in adulthood 🤣. My mom and stepdad live in Denville, Morristown is pretty busy on the weekends! My stepsister joined an improv group just for fun and to help with social anxiety. Something I am considering!

ETA: I have a friend out in Arizona who got a dog and started going to dog parks - she has made tons of friends that way! My personal experience up here is that people are very friendly and always willing to strike up conversation. Especially if you are a regular and go at the same times of the day/week. My first (both rescues) was terminally ill, so we weren't able to go often. My second absolutely hated strangers so it was a danger to other humans to take her. Maybe whenever I'm ready again I'll give it another go.

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Flustered_Potato t1_je8mw9x wrote

Use the app Meetup. It'll recommend groups with your interest in your area. I (27F) moved here 4 months ago & I've been able to find groups of people I like to hang out with through the app.

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Accountant1040 t1_je9eonc wrote

If you’re into BJJ try Silver Fox BJJ in East Hanover. There’s a few ladies who go there who are cool and you’ll make friends. They say BJJ is for everyone but I’m not sure about that but if you want to learn how to fight and make friends give it a shot.

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Administrative_Elk66 t1_je9ha5w wrote

Does your school have any clubs? Even though you take classes online, if your school has clubs, that might be good ! Otherwise I second the other recs here - the only caution about Bumble BFF is I've heard there's still a LOT of MLM recruiters on there , so just be warned about that. Good luck !

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all_of_the_lightss t1_je9w9hs wrote

I'm moving there (need to be near Union City area) to live with my girlfriend. I'm bringing my dog if you know of any places that allow renting with a 100 lb German Shepherds let me know lol.

Moving in June. She is 30 years old. I'm 32. Could always use friends in the area. She has lived in Jersey city several years (from India). I'm from Colorado.

I loved Montreal. If I could speak French and immigration allowed me to move with my current job, I would definitely stay in MTL.

Cheers

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mjdlight t1_jeaf3rg wrote

I am a little late to the party but I am a librarian here in NJ and I just ordered "You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult" for my collection. The reviews in the journals were very positive, might be something worth checking out of your local library when it's published on April 26th.

https://www.amazon.com/You-Will-Find-Your-People/dp/1419762567/ref=sr_1_1?crid=26JS68NUPCCZA&keywords=you+will+find+your+people&qid=1680192679&sprefix=you+will+find+your+people%2Caps%2C93&sr=8-1

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Rytelwife OP t1_jeb555v wrote

Replying to mjdlight (#2,489,662)

Thanks! Librarians are awesome. My grandmother was a librarian and ended up getting a masters in library science when I was little. I wanted to be one for awhile and landed in nursing instead.

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mjdlight t1_jeb656c wrote

Replying to Rytelwife (#2,496,024)

Thank you, I would just add that Canadians are awesome. Life long hockey/Devils fan so I have had plenty of time hanging around them, lol. I met Ken Daneyko (Legendary NJ Devil/Canadian if you are not a hockey fan) when I was a kid and he slapped me across my back with one of his gigantic hands and I almost fell over. Ken turns to my Dad and says, "He's a bit small but he's got guts!" hahahaha.

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