Submitted by bananasareappealing t3_10s10vw in news
Blackrage80 t1_j6z1zay wrote
It's kinda "get away with murder 101" to ditch a car in a sketchy neighborhood with the window open and the keys in it. Some kid is gonna take it for a ride and you throw cops off the trail.
tifftafflarry t1_j6zfaxs wrote
scribbles in notepad
Go on.
LittleKittyLove t1_j6zjzbv wrote
Murder 102: Disposing of bodies is difficult. Buried bodies can be exhumed. Bodies at the bottom of a river may float up and be discovered. Bodies underneath the floorboards smell funny.
This is why you must eat the entire body. All of it.
bananasareappealing OP t1_j6zuzl4 wrote
This is why I'm wary of pig farms
Edit : fixed a word
American_Stereotypes t1_j70gyfm wrote
Hi! Do you possibly mean "wary" or "leery?" Both of those mean "cautious," whereas "weary" means "tired."
Unless of course you're exhausted of pig farms, which might be perfectly understandable depending on your line of work, I dont know. I suppose if I was going around murdering a bunch of people, I'd get pretty tired of pig farms too.
bananasareappealing OP t1_j70hlao wrote
Ah shoot, clearly I was not paying attention to my grammar - thank you kind stranger.
RazorMime t1_j70vxbr wrote
The grammar was fine. The vocabulary is what hurt your grade.
Mydickradiates t1_j71jkdn wrote
The vocabulary was fine, the spelling was problematic
RazorMime t1_j71ktk4 wrote
-2pts for the comma splice and missing period.
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Impossible-You-4825 t1_j6zktpy wrote
This is literally the only way you can get away with murder. Turn the bones to jelly.
GearhedMG t1_j6zlgot wrote
It sounds like I’m going to need a lot of toast.
Keshire t1_j6zmy1u wrote
"What did you have for lunch?"
"Little debbie, a hostess"
"Oh you like those too?"
myrddyna t1_j70tu7c wrote
Both?! Wtf you eat for dinner... please don't tell us you had chef Boyardee!?
Glass_Ad_9887 t1_j70t215 wrote
I don’t mind a ginger Wendy myself.
Funkybeatzzz t1_j6zn3hf wrote
I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly
GearhedMG t1_j6znp8h wrote
That’s what you think.
Funkybeatzzz t1_j6zo8du wrote
Is your body so bootylicious?
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Funkybeatzzz t1_j703q4f wrote
Gimme the microphone first so I can bust like a bubble
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trebaol t1_j6zse6a wrote
Extremely rare prion disease, that shit is fucking scary
ButterflyAttack t1_j70gx6a wrote
Happily, it's probably the easiest body part to flush straight down the crapper. Not exactly a dignified burial, but if you've already eaten the rest of the body this is unlikely to be a major concern.
pass_the_guaiac t1_j70otk8 wrote
Yea if you want to happily introduce said prions into the water supply
myrddyna t1_j70tr1j wrote
Must I be laughing? I could be sad about it...
pass_the_guaiac t1_j721igq wrote
Yes if you put prions in the city drinking water you should be sad and also ashamed 😂
StarvingAfricanKid t1_j70yopa wrote
Do you Kuru?
Smart cannibals don't eat brains!
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LittleKittyLove t1_j71ftwu wrote
Damn, I assumed they were making me smarter.
Appeal_2_Reason t1_j6zpznj wrote
Or... bury the body vertical instead of horizontal, as to not tip off ground penetrating radar. You can go one step further and bury a dead animal on top to throw off cadaver dogs. The officers will likely assume false positive.
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Mydickradiates t1_j71joj9 wrote
I feel like graveyards have video cameras, it's probably cheap. But then again funding for graveyards is probably low
missC08 t1_j6zy17g wrote
Or, or drop it to a pig farm. They'll eat it in minutes.
Funkybeatzzz t1_j6zz3sw wrote
Pull the teeth and shave the hair off the corpse first. Plays havoc with the poor piggies’ digestive systems.
halosixsixsix t1_j705dsl wrote
And you don't wanna go sieving through pig shit, now do ya?
missC08 t1_j7000cu wrote
Aw, they don't deserve that. I didn't know that.
Funkybeatzzz t1_j7021o0 wrote
missC08 t1_j702bjv wrote
OMG memory unlocked!!! Great fucking movie.
Ghostofthe80s t1_j703pct wrote
Dismembering a body is only five years. Get rid of the hands and head.
joelluber t1_j70tjbo wrote
Yup. Bones and All
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needabiggerhammer t1_j70wwab wrote
>Bodies at the bottom of a river may float up
Poke holes.
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theguineapigssong t1_j6zrbr5 wrote
Is you taking notes on a goddamn criminal conspiracy?
MrGreenVape t1_j704gbq wrote
It doesn't always work. I know a guy who left a car in a sketchy area of town with the keys on the seat. It sat there for 5 days then the cops found it. He is now serving 25 years.
LorenzoStomp t1_j70rd9s wrote
That's why you don't steal minivans
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