Submitted by kangarooturd t3_11m067n in nottheonion
Schrecht t1_jbf1imm wrote
> "It does appear he was left there, but that’s not where, mostly not where, he died," said Capt. Heinz.
Truly stellar police work.
Arigato_MrRoboto t1_jbf7ynh wrote
"Yeah, I think he died somewhere else."
🎶dun dun🎶
Produced by dick wolf.
WarcraftFarscape t1_jbfcb22 wrote
Man in cold November unloading crates from a truck: “Freddy? Yeah I knew ‘em. Always hung around that Persian rug store. Why, you think someone had it out for ‘em?”
Bewildered looking cop: “leeets just say we are looking at all angles. Let us know if you hear anything”
dun dun
ERSTF t1_jbiam8h wrote
In the criminal justice system, the people are defended by two separate but equally important groups, the police who investigate the crimes and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories. Kun-kun! [imitates vacuum cleaner] I’m just a cleaning lady. Aah! A dead body. He wrapped his belt around his own neck. It looks like a classic case of autoerotic asphyxiation. Yeah, looks like everyone’s tightening their belts in this economy. [humming theme music] Last time you saw the victim, was he happy? Last time I saw this John, he was-he wasn’t a victim, if you know what I’m talkin about
[deleted] t1_jbfbh5v wrote
[removed]
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doned_mest_up t1_jbffy0f wrote
Commit murder so cops find the body right before their lunch break. Perfect crime.
tinymonesters t1_jbfwttz wrote
That is a profoundly stupid quote.
CleverGirl2014 t1_jbfjok1 wrote
"Mostly" 🤔
Schrecht t1_jbfjwjc wrote
Username checks out. :)
ThrowAway62378549 t1_jbf7hyv wrote
This better be adapted into a movie.
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