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Riegel_Haribo t1_iw0jr67 wrote

The great thing about this headline is I have no idea which of four options is on drugs.

171

Sir-Simon-Spamalot t1_iw17484 wrote

  • police
  • owl
  • seller
  • buyer

since it can be any combination of these, you have 15 possibilities (excluding the one where none of them is on drugs).

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jordantask t1_iw1fj9b wrote

Yeah, that headline is….

(••) ( ••)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)

A real hoot!

I’ll see myself out.

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Lubberworts t1_iw0xuvv wrote

That is hilarious. I am going through them all and laughing at them all.

Eats, Shoots & Leaves.

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TSAOutreachTeam t1_iw0irpv wrote

It's good advice.

Be sober when you're paying for hooters.

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VonRansak t1_iw16ka9 wrote

The real LPT is always in the comments.

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lilassbitchass t1_iw1ryp5 wrote

The only time it would seem like a good idea to me is whilst under the influence

Smoke meth, get hyperfixated on training owl to do dumb stuff

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silasgreenfront t1_iw0tm2f wrote

For no particular reason I had thought the owl would be more expensive than that.

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bool_idiot_is_true t1_iw12f61 wrote

Selling a bird for less than a few thousand is definitely not worth it. You don't want to fuck with wild birds in the US. The Migratory Bird Treaty Act is one of the oldest federal conservation laws in the US and it's pretty brutal. Just picking up a feather off the ground can lead to fines. They probably won't go after you unless it's something especially egregious like a bald eagle feather. But selling an owl caught in the US without a permit is definitely enough to get the attention of the Feds.

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verybakedpotatoe t1_iw2rcyk wrote

When dealing with bird law you should consult an expert in bird law.

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Placid_Observer t1_iw17smc wrote

Truth is, owls make terrible pets. They apparently get SO attached to their owner that whenever they're left alone, they'll start destroying shit, plucking out their own feathers, etc. So yeah, they're cute as all day, but do an owl a favor...

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pipeuptopipedown t1_iw27g1h wrote

They also need a LOT of room to fly around, and can't really be housebroken. I'd totally keep an owl box in my yard if I had one, but that's about as close a relationship as I would want. Not everything "cute" has to be a pet!

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PlasticGirl t1_iw6ui4q wrote

Parrots do the same thing. They bond with you, and think you're their mate.

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unicorn-semen t1_iw0l049 wrote

Damnit! There goes my weekend plans.

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vava777 t1_iw0rcp3 wrote

Buying a goat while drunk and high is probably not even illegal in many places. This advice really comes down to owls being wise but not streetwise. Telling someone to cut down on their drugs is good wise advice but telling them while they are off their rocks will just ruin their vibes, better to wait until they are coming down and feel like crap. I advice buying a parrot while tripping balls, now that's fun.

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Trimanreturns t1_iw0lo8t wrote

Ya, cops will say things like that while on drugs

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sambull t1_iw1gwfa wrote

how does one tell the owl is on drugs?

11

Baebel t1_iw24ylr wrote

When they stop giving a hoot.

11

PlasticGirl t1_iw6uipe wrote

You can tell because their eyes are super dilated O_O

2

10pointsforRavenpuff t1_iw1rvns wrote

You just know this had to be a millennial, and the second the meth hit they were like “Today I’m gonna be Harry Fucking Potter”

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LogCareful7780 t1_iwatlxl wrote

looks at username

Pot, meet kettle

1

10pointsforRavenpuff t1_iwmllc7 wrote

Excuse me, I’ve only ever tried to purchase an owl whilst sober, and from people that I know, thank you very much.

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DJWGibson t1_iw14aig wrote

This headline is fantastic.

6

[deleted] t1_iw0ttf0 wrote

Just say no to hooters.

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[deleted] t1_iw0yzct wrote

You can't tell me what to do.

You may however make polite recommendations.

3

HoppityHooper t1_iw13lbj wrote

Wonder wise someone even considered this? When you're high you don't give a hoot what you do.

3

Thaiauxn t1_iw19wts wrote

This is a very important and highly overlooked issue for everyone in the State of Arizona. Especially those in the SCA.

3

gdelisle t1_iw1ejk4 wrote

Boy, I hate when that happens.

3

NoHallett t1_iw1g8av wrote

Ok. Who put the Arizona tablecloth on top of Florida?

3

PresidentGSO t1_iw1x6h8 wrote

Well then how else am I supposed to buy an owl?

3

Pickled_Ramaker t1_iw34txv wrote

I genuinely wish police would make these posts more often. They deal with crazy shit all the time. Let us in on some of this fun.

3

Rosebunse t1_iw15gv1 wrote

That seems like a good way to end up really scratched up from owl talons

2

EaZyGains69 t1_iw17tmn wrote

Is it just me or does drugs and owls sound like a good time?

2

EPLemonSqueezy t1_iw1hm4z wrote

Well there goes my Friday night plans

2

loosemooseweekend t1_iw1kgu8 wrote

I was offered a large desert tortoise from some meth heads at the wal-mart in cottonwood az after buying ammo

2

peasant_python t1_iw1yzr6 wrote

Looks like a great origin story, I'm in. Do you send them owls by mail?

2

Utterlybored t1_iw2egd5 wrote

I’ve never heard of anything good coming from a drug induced owl purchase.

2

summja t1_iw2loo5 wrote

That’s very specific (and good) advice.

2

kharjou t1_iw4jjs7 wrote

Just imagining a dude in a trenchcoat walk up to someone and pull an owl out like "interested in some owl?"

2

bad10th t1_iwdnft1 wrote

That was a hoot!

2

hucksire t1_iw21egq wrote

Unexpected Reno 911.

1

blackhornet03 t1_iw2mkuf wrote

Arizonans must be getting more heatstroke these days.

1

dirtdevill43 t1_iw379ah wrote

Jokes on them, that’s my favorite past time. It’s always a joy to wake up from a 3 day bender to exotic birds

1

Broderick512 t1_iw3fhlf wrote

I had to re-read the title a few times before I was able to process it

1

Myhairison_fire t1_iw3pf83 wrote

Ok good, so the good old tradition of buying owls from people known to you while on drugs can be kept alive.

1

SIRinLTHR t1_iw42gyz wrote

Like I'm gonna get my owls sober and from people I know.

1

LarYungmann t1_iw4mt05 wrote

What are owls getting hooked on?

1

sunseven3 t1_iw4uqxc wrote

Now there's a sentence I thought I would never read.

1

big_juice01 t1_iw5d2df wrote

HOW CUTE IS THE OWL THOUGH OMG

1