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DragonGarlicBreath t1_iw82gk4 wrote

> The most common type of ghost that comes around are "hookers," Hill claimed. Male renters, she said, have told her they have felt somebody stroking their face, stroking their arm or touching their shoulder.

Those hookers are not very good at their work, I have to say.

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TzarKazm t1_iw86i91 wrote

Plot twist, one of the male renters is pulling an Eric Cartman.

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YakInner4303 t1_iwa3hw2 wrote

Those aren't hooker ghosts. That's what you feel when an insect uses you for a landing zone.

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iordseyton t1_iwaf9ob wrote

"They try to stir up business, but they can’t figure out a way to conclude the transaction, so nothing ever happens."  I'll say

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Graterof2evils t1_iwaoh3m wrote

Yeah I had a hooker ghost offer me aural for $20. I was like, awesome! So she starts in like, “I’m sucking your dick. Mmffrgg. It so big. Ggrglll. You like this don’t boooo? Ccclkknnggglll. My eyes are watering. Gagggrrglllrrkkk.” Then I’m like bitch you said you were going to give me oral! And she’s like, “Mother fucker I’m a ghost I can’t suck no dick! I said aural! A-u-r-a-l ! For an extra $5 I can get some ectoplasm on ya and you can jerk yourself off with that nasty shit but that’s the best I can do. Fuckin hooker ghost.

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WirelessBCupSupport t1_iwdjr94 wrote

At least you didn't get the ASMR ghost. She was giving me head...sounds of chewing gummy bears and smacking lips.

"Think you missed your calling on Youtube, I says"

" Youtube won't let me monetize hooking, she says".

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Privateaccount84 t1_iwaquoj wrote

They know to get the money up front first, they’re dead, not stupid.

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Tonkarz t1_iwaaukj wrote

That needs to be what you get until you put money down.

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DragonGarlicBreath t1_iwaf8k5 wrote

Nah. A little nipple stimulation, tease the thigh... A really pro hooker ghost would tell you that's how you seal the deal.

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randomguy987654321 t1_iwanuaj wrote

Maybe Texas hookers are just as lame at their job as their police force.

If I wanted someone who would barely touch me, I'd get married.

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samsonite1020 t1_iw821tv wrote

Looking for a "BOO-ty call" I suspect

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Destination_Centauri t1_iw83rf1 wrote

What possessed you to make such a terrible pun?

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seth928 t1_iw8b6ph wrote

What else would sheet walkers do?

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mosssmonster t1_iw8n5h5 wrote

We had this crazy guy once who was known as "The Sheet" because he would run into this mall I worked security at dressed in a white sheet like a ghost, squat down and take a dump right in the middle of the food court, and run away, escaping before security could nab him every time. We never caught the guy either, no idea what his deal was!

Some may call him a freak, but I say "That man was The Sheet!"

(Yes stolen joke... But funny.)

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calvincrack t1_iw8h4nm wrote

Ghostitutes

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apstls t1_iwaqts3 wrote

A few more puns like this and the ghostitutes will wish they could die a second time

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Elevenst t1_iw8b57n wrote

Why would an actual news channel spend resources to report this incredibly stupid shit?

*Edit: Nevermind, I didn't see that it was Fox News. Carry on, dummies.

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soda-jerk t1_iw8bszp wrote

Oh, I see this is your first time reading a Fox"News" "article".

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Commubot t1_iw8tp1q wrote

It's fox news, this is probably the most intelligent thing they've put out in a while

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Meanderingversion t1_iw95ydu wrote

Back when Hal Fishman was beating ghosts with his belt and ladies with his smile.

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zdbdog06 t1_iw9sl1f wrote

You say that but I guarantee u this story will do better numbers than 99% of actual news

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Jameschoral t1_iw8fgbf wrote

>The rental home reportedly has been a popular spot in recent months for paranormal investigators staying the night to figure out the alleged phenomena.

That explains a lot

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sneakyplanner t1_iwagbag wrote

All the guests say they felt a ghost and you know they can be trusted because they are ghost hobbyists.

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apstls t1_iwaqr60 wrote

Who else could possibly know better??

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P8tr0 t1_iwa84cw wrote

Ghost Fuckers International

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escape_of_da_keets t1_iw86a7y wrote

"Apparently this woman was a girl, who was also a virgin, but as well as a hooker that died in a fire. I very much put mathematics together and realized that this virgin was also and as well as the ghost."

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DJWGibson t1_iw90pkw wrote

>"We’ve got kids, and we’ve got old people, old guys, and we’ve got hookers," she told host Jesse Watters. The most common type of ghost that comes around are "hookers," Hill claimed. Male renters, she said, have told her they have felt somebody stroking their face, stroking their arm or touching their shoulder.

So... because they're women who touch people, they're hookers? I think this says more about the homeowner than the ghost.

It's also funny that description implies anyone who isn't old or a kid is a hooker.

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ChaseShiny t1_iw9bjuq wrote

I am still intrigued by these recently deceased, covered in sheets. I heard that there's three sheets in the win?

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ThatMangoAteMyBaby t1_iw9et3h wrote

Three sheets to the wind is a sailing term eluding to speed and lack there of. Sails with the wind is good. Sails into wind is going backwards and or stupid.

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ChaseShiny t1_iw9yesf wrote

Ok, I admit that I had to stretch the saying quite far to fit the joke. No offense intended

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Hi_Im_Dadbot t1_iw82h2m wrote

Hey, there’s a market. Even ghosts need to shake the sheets from time to time.

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replaysMike t1_iw8reuu wrote

That’s so gross. Which houses? Like if I were to try to find one, where would I go?

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Mrcoldghost t1_iw8ha2a wrote

Ok grandma now let’s get your meds and then let’s turn on matlock for awhile.

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chojinra t1_iw8k1c1 wrote

According to popular paranormal investigator Ray Stantz, he enthusiastically verified that the house is indeed haunted. It is unknown why he didn’t pursue any avenues to remove the spirit, or why he chose to move into the house….

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wut3va t1_iw9ogb7 wrote

"Bustin' makes me feel good"

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ramriot t1_iw8xavz wrote

Best Boo Job in town

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sealab21 t1_iwa169z wrote

Do any of these fuckers ever blast out of the walls and give you massive cum shot

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Brewing_Tea t1_iwcgof9 wrote

Not trying to be funny... not trying to make anyone have the worst day at their job...

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Sprinkle_Puff t1_iw9tszf wrote

This sounds like free money for the homeowner, why get in the way of these ghosts

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NacreousFink t1_iw8k2nm wrote

It will be all well and good with these guys not paying until the ghost pimp shows up.

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mosssmonster t1_iw8nmra wrote

I know an ancient Native American burial ground deep in a national park in Oregon where you can smash ghosts for free. True story.

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choptheair t1_iw9krg2 wrote

How many have you smashed?

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mosssmonster t1_iw9nnlx wrote

Ghosts? ...I wouldn't claim "full-pennetration" but there was definitely Eros.

I didn't even believe in ghosts until one night in this spot when they came out in drooooves. Never experienced it anywhere else. Returned 2 years later for further investigation and, yep, same encounters.

I still don't know what I believe entirely, but that place was... Very special.

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FuzzyFuzzNuts t1_iw8lar9 wrote

Fox news - "we're not a news network, we're an ENTERTAINMENT network" - we're just here for the lolz

-kind regards: Captain Fucking Obvious

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AnEnlightenedCaveman t1_iwboqaj wrote

I swear I’ve seen so many headlines from Texas lately that I’m seriously worried we’re becoming the new Florida

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supernatlove t1_iw94lhg wrote

I’d never hire a hooker, but I couldn’t say no to a ghost hooker.

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pickleer t1_iw9z8d8 wrote

I get where you're coming from and I'm with you but with my luck, I'd get slimed!

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Heliolord t1_iw97kgd wrote

Randy Marsh was their last renter.

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YouFeastOnFeces t1_iwi66hr wrote

5 seconds Mr. Marsh...

I'd like to solve the puzzle!

[ Removed by Reddit ]

Oh. eww... ohh... Can we... can we cut to...

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MrPanchole t1_iw98g7w wrote

Hooker ghosts? Yeah, I remember that Scooby Doo, Where Are You episode.

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iordseyton t1_iwag3rp wrote

When they pull off the mask at the end, it turns out it's just the homeowner, who's got a side hustle giving blowies to the ghost hunters who rent the place

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bushpotatoe t1_iwa932m wrote

Dude is so lonely and horny he's imagining hookers willing enough to accept money for sex with him.

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ty_webslinger t1_iw9pcjb wrote

Get ready to watch Hooker Ghosts on Vice!

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Temporary-Champion30 t1_iwa0z4f wrote

Can’t figure out a way to conclude the transaction….. solid journalism. Otherwise how would we have known whether the hooker ghosts finish you off and then charge you?

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nunyabiz3345 t1_iwa4cmw wrote

Figures a story like hooker ghost's would be on Fox.

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PopUsed2884 t1_iwa5hsj wrote

Definitely wouldn’t want to go down on a ghost hooker…would taste like sheet

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ratherbewinedrunk t1_iwag43n wrote

What did the ghost say to the bees?

.

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.

.

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>!BOO BEES!<

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toejamandtoast t1_iwagiq9 wrote

Man, Fox News is putting ANYTHING on right now except the giant elephant in the room.

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Graveyardigan t1_iwb0wbx wrote

Hooker ghosts are harmless. Just let them crochet in peace.

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sprankton t1_iwbafsf wrote

Banging ghosts is a popular hobby among certain corners of the internet. They should charge admission.

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not_your-momma t1_iwc0mhb wrote

I thought this is just a dumb headline and the non-story is probably stupid, but not actually about ghost hookers, or they seized on an offhand comment. But I was very wrong, it is all the way stupid.

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Kalurael t1_iwc1apf wrote

No Cyril, when they're dead they're just hookers!

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Riverrat423 t1_iw8juzt wrote

I can think of worse things than horney hooker ghosts.

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ChloBo565 t1_iw8s65z wrote

Zak Bagans would like to know your location

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Healthy-Upstairs-286 t1_iw9ovqc wrote

Ghosts don’t exist. It’s not that hard to live in reality.

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mojobytes t1_iwa00cm wrote

Next, we go undercover at a sex haunted house for sex hookers!

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Johnny_Venus t1_iwa0zt9 wrote

Layoffs at Hogwarts mean Peeves is going to have to get really cool with a lot of stuff real quick 😅

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AlmightyStalin t1_iwa1lj5 wrote

What’s there going rate for ghussy?

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RedDlish t1_iwa42w2 wrote

Where do I sign up for this Airbnb? Im ready for my succubus.

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Bigleftbowski t1_iwa4cov wrote

What do hooker ghosts do with the money? Are there hooker pimps?

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4115R t1_iwa7hx3 wrote

Gotta earn them ghost bucks for their ghost pimps. “Boo better have my money!”

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thekarmabum t1_iwagpa9 wrote

Puts new meaning to the "ghost hand job".

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GrixisGirl t1_iwaqg0d wrote

It is day 752637494 of asking that fox be added to the subs blacklist

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DoctorBlock t1_iwauzm7 wrote

The hosts is so annoying.

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OkThanks990 t1_iwba6ff wrote

we need the nelk boys to pull up #nelkboys #fullsend

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RetardMcChuckle666 t1_iwc3736 wrote

If I wanted to have sex with an intimate object I'd get married.

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KittenKoder t1_iwcjoih wrote

People have the weirdest methods for fulfilling voyeurism.

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moal09 t1_iwctv0a wrote

GHOST BLOWJOB

WOO WOO

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wlondonmatt t1_iwg0sfu wrote

I guess the ghosts wanted one more dick ride .

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FUMFVR t1_iwacw44 wrote

> Host Jesse Watters quipped that the good thing about a "hooker" ghost was that you do not have to pay it.

Least surprising thing to hear from this person.

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BigInDallas t1_iwaqnne wrote

OK Fox “news”… 💀 Soon stories about the dead participants in voter fraud. Maybe the dead DID vote!

0