In August of this year I sadly lost my Mom to a stroke. The treatment my Dad and I received at the hospital during this time was so appalling that I sent a letter to Allegheny General Hospital about what we experienced due to hospital covid policies.

I'm sharing the same letter in the hopes that policies can change and be adapted. So that no one has to suffer the way my Dad and I did.

​

This letter is to bring attention to the extreme dissatisfaction and immense mental trauma that my family and I were forced to endure in your hospital from Tuesday August 2nd through Thursday August 4th.

My mother was life-flighted from Jefferson Hospital to Allegheny General Hospital on the morning of Saturday July 30th after suffering a massive stroke.

After recovering enough from a procedure that immediately saved her life. She was moved to the 7th floor of the hospital on Sunday July 31st. As they began to conduct tests and examinations several issues were found, including that she had tested positive for Asymptomatic Covid. At this point in the process my father and sister were able to visit and stay in the room with my Mother. Provided they donned layers of PPE. They returned on Monday morning, August 1st. Still allowed to visit my Mother following the PPE guidelines they were being instructed on. As the day went on my Mother’s situation was rapidly beginning to decline. As further procedures were completed it was discovered that a large portion of her intestines were dead and would need to be removed immediately. Requiring my Mother to be taken into surgery that night. Dramatically diminishing her chances of surviving her condition. With the shock and severity of this news I booked a flight out of Los Angeles late Monday night. Arriving in Pittsburgh early in the morning of Tuesday August 2nd.

After a brief and somber homecoming, my father and I headed out to the hospital. An hours drive from their home. When we arrived at the hospital Tuesday morning, we were informed my Mother was in the Surgical ICU on the third floor. We arrived at the ICU waiting room and asked to see Georgianna. It was at this point everything took an ever-darker turn.

After waiting for a few moments, a man came out to speak to us. Who if I remember correctly was the nursing manager/coordinator for the ICU. After receiving no major updates on my mother since her surgery, the very first thing he began to tell my Father was that he had to leave the hospital. He then proceeded to tell my Father that because my Mother tested positive for asymptomatic Covid he was not allowed in the hospital. Along with that he and anyone else who lived with or was exposed to my Mother should be quarantined for fourteen days and was also not allowed in the hospital. We asked if he could take a test along with gowning up, and a mask and shield as he has been doing the previous days. He would not hear of it. Continuing to lecture policy at my Father. Offering no updates on my Mother. All the while telling him he has to leave.

This, of course, was deeply upsetting as there had been no issues the two previous days. It was extra upsetting because my Mother had her surgery the night before and we still had not been updated. So, it was expected that my Father and I would be able to speak to a doctor or nurse about how the surgery had gone and what the next steps would be.

After continuing to argue and plead, only I was allowed to go in and be at the hospital. I explained to him that I had just arrived from Los Angeles, where I live, and had not been exposed to anyone in the household. This was a lie. I was forced to lie and say I had not gone to my parents' home that morning so that at least one of us could be in the hospital getting updates and making end of life decisions about the kind of care my Mom would be receiving.

Instead of being able to be supportive to my Dad as his wife of 46 years, my Mom, lay in the hospital dying. I was forced to fight with Brett so that my Father would not immediately get kicked out of the hospital and I could enter to get updates. After this engagement I was finally allowed back to see my Mother for the first time and be updated on her condition.

Over the next few hours, the doctors and nurses were helpful in updating me with my Mother’s condition. That is until about 4pm, when a nurse came into the ICU waiting area. She approached a random man and rudely began telling him he needed to leave. And that he was already warned once today. The man had no idea what she was speaking of. She then said to the man, “Aren’t you here for Georgianna.” Once the man corrected her that he was not, she left the waiting room. Moments later she then came over to my father and I, and in the most condescending and exceptionally rude tone told my dad “You’re not supposed to be here. You need to leave or I’m calling security.” She didn’t introduce herself, didn’t offer any updates on my Mother's condition, and was threatening to call security and or the police on my father. As I am continuing to argue with her about options for my Father to visit. I’m also asking what happens if my Mom begins to pass and my Dad is at home, an hour away, not allowed in the hospital? Expressing that they are high school sweethearts that have been together for 46 years. Once more I was met with a cold bitter attitude as she ignored any of my concerns and called another unit supervisor as we still refused to leave. A few minutes later an older gentleman came out and joined her. This man only repeated everything we were already being told. Saying that “policy is policy” and that he had lost his mother and wasn't able to see her due to Covid issues. I said call someone else because I wasn’t happy with how we were being treated. Their response was to once again threaten us with removal by security, and or police if my father didn’t leave. At this point my distraught father is crying in the waiting room chair. As if the torment of knowing that the love of his life may soon be passing on isn’t enough. Having been treated with such lack of compassion and ignorant cruelty was adding to his emotional suffering. At this point we were forced to leave to ensure that I would have no issues returning to the hospital the next day. Because if I wasn’t allowed back then no one would be there with my Mom.

That Tuesday evening everyone who had exposure to my mother took a home Covid test. Every single one came back negative. This whole situation was more than we should ever have had to deal with. Now a new wave of fear came over me. The tragedy of my Mother’s inevitable passing had a new underlying obstacle, “what if my parents could not be together for my Mom’s last moments?” An obstacle that should not be there in such a heavy time of crisis. But it was because of the heinously callous ways we were being treated.

After these events I reached out to a personal acquaintance that works within the administration level of AGH. They immediately informed me that what was happening shouldn’t be happening. They also recommended that I reach out to the Patient Experience Department with what we were dealing with.

On Wednesday morning, August 3rd, I called the Patient Experience Department. The woman I spoke to was kind and polite. When I informed her of our situation and how awfully we were treated she said that she would look into things, forward this along, and she would be in touch with me.

The next day I made the decision to bring my Father to the hospital with me. Hiding him in the main lobby. This way he could be nearby in case our worst fears about my Mother unexpectedly came true.

As my Mother's condition continued to grow worse I was still never presented with any types of options for getting my parents together. I met with two wonderful end of life doctors to discuss what options could be available to my Mother. I also informed them of our situation. Expressing how upset and dissatisfied we have been. They also said they would also see what could be done.

Sadly, that afternoon we learned that we were out of options for my Mom. We made the decision to remove her from assisted breathing and allow nature to take its course. Which would be done the next day. After this I attempted to call the woman at the Patient Experience Department back to update her on things. I left several voicemails and not a single one was returned. No one I spoke to at any point offered anything solid about getting my Father to be with my Mother as she passed. Which at this point had all my greatest fears coming true. Where once again I was forced to leave my mother, not knowing if she and my Father could be together one more time.

Thursday morning, August 4th, we all Covid tested again. And again, every single one came back negative. I arrived at the hospital. Once more, hiding my Father in the main lobby because I was still being told he wasn’t allowed to be there or see my Mother. I had a consultation scheduled at noon about how the end-of-life process was going to happen with my Mom. As I waited, I again reached out to the Patient Experience Department. Where I once more left another voicemail. She never got back to me throughout the entire process.

At noon I had my consultation which consisted of the end-of-life doctors. Along with the ICU Coordinator and the rude nurse from Tuesday. After going through the processes and what to expect the coordinator then brought up the “concern” I had about my Father being with my Mother as she passed away. I informed them all about the multiple negative Covid tests, and how he not being there with her was not an option. Their arguments for still not letting my Father into the hospital were only about policy. I once again said to them that he would test, gown, mask, or whatever else was needed to make this happen. No matter what I said they fought with more talk of “policy.” The nurse from Tuesday seemed to delight in my misery and pleas to let me Father in. At one point very condescendingly handing me a paper saying, “I printed the policy for you to read.” I refused the paper and responded, “I don’t care what your policy says because your policy is wrong!” The coordinator then said it would be discussed with the “higher ups” and that I had made things difficult by reaching out to the Patient Experience Department. He then looked directly at me and said, “You have to prepare yourself for things to not going your way.” I again sternly reiterated that anything less than the two of them being together was unacceptable.

The consultation ended with no definitive answer to if my Father was going to be allowed next to his wife of 46 years as she passed away. This is not something I would not stand for. As if preparing for the death of my Mom in the coming moments wasn’t enough. I also had to mentally prepare myself to do whatever would be necessary so that my Dad would be with my Mom. I did not care if security or police would have been involved. My Mom and Dad were having their final moments together.

Eventually I received a phone call from the coordinator. He informed me it was agreed to let my Father see my Mother. However, the lengths we had to go to make this happen were outrageous.

He instructed me to wait outside the hospital, near a parking garage with my Dad. He then met us outside to hand us face masks and face shields. Instructing us that myself, and my Father, with clear mobility issues, would have to walk through the parking garage to enter the hospital. He then lead us to a stairwell. Where my 66-year-old handicapped Father was forced to walk up six flights of stairs! Something he is really not capable of but was doing anyway because it was the only way for him to be with the love of his life in their final moments together. Essentially being “snuck” into the hospital.

After days of nauseating uncertainty my Dad finally had all that he had been asking for. To be by his wife's side as she left this Earth. My Dad held her hand, and I the other.

It wasn’t long after removing her breathing tube that my Mom had passed.

After having said our goodbyes, my devastated, grieving, handicapped Father was then again forced to walk back down the same flights of stairs to exit the hospital. My Dad’s only words being, “I couldn’t even give her one last kiss because of the PPE.” The phrase “insult to injury” does not even begin to express how disheartening and traumatic the entire situation was to us thanks to the treatment we received.

While I should have been able to begin the grieving process of the most tragic event that my family has ever gone through. To be a support system for my Father who was losing his wife of 46 years, his one true love. I was instead, forced to go on the defensive and made to strategize a way for my parents to be together, for my Dad to be able to hold my Mom’s hand as she took her last breaths. If I followed the hospital's policy, I would not have been able to be with my own family during this time. Had I not made the choices I made my Mom would have passed away alone. Which was her greatest fear. And I wasn’t going to let that happen.

I have over ten years of experience working within the medical field in various roles as a pharmacy technician. Four of those were with UPMC at the Hillman Cancer Center. I’m also licensed in the state of California where I live. To say that I am familiar with hospital policies and regulations is an understatement. As a patient, a medical professional, and as a son I am truly appalled and disgusted by the way we were treated as these series of events unfolded over the course of these days. The blatantly rude and disrespectful behavior from the staff of the hospital was absolutely uncalled for. With their only defense of their actions being “it’s hospital policy.” This so called “policy” needs to change. Place yourselves in my family’s position and ask the question “Would a hospital policy stop me from saying goodbye to my mother, father, child, or any loved one as they come to the end of their life?” There are ways to handle these situations in which hostile hospital administrators should NEVER be causing more stress, anxiety, anger, and other difficulties to families who are in the process of losing a loved one.

May none of you ever be treated with such a disregard of compassion as my father and I were.