Okay so this is a really long and complicated situation. I feel like both of us are at fault here so not sure of what the right thing to do is.

I just need some clarification on whether this relationship is broken beyond repair since we have done so much to each other.

My bf[26M] and I[23F] have been together for over an year. Our problems began with an unforseen abortion and long distance. I was left alone when I went through abortion and was not at all emotionally supported by my boyfriend. He acted all distant from me even after I felt hurt and specifically asked him not to. It made me feel a lot of resentment towards him.

Shortly after, he moved abroad and we decided to continue as a ldr. During this period as well, he was distant and I mostly felt like he had lost feelings which he confirmed later on. I was in an emotionally devastated state then because of everything happening so I didn’t have it in me to break it off, was clinging onto whatever little attention I could get from him. He didn’t break it off with me either. During the initial months of doing ldr, I found out that he used to flirt and text other girls, including asking for meetups with them. He swears by that he never met up with anyone and had no intention of doing anything with them physically.

I was not able to get over all of these and slowly led to me losing my feelings for him. So I asked him to end things and breakup, because it was not possible for me to stay happy in our relationship anymore. But he got very emotional then and begged me to stay promising me that he would make everything right if given a chance. We decided to go on a break eventually.

Right after the break, over a comforting session I got close with one of my friends and ended up kissing him. We stayed friends for a while after that but then decided not to pursue anything romantic. It did mean something for me even though it was brief, kind of led me to the realisation that I deserve so much better. I told my boyfriend about this and also about another guy I got interested in thinking maybe he would understand that all my feelings were done. But he kept insisting that we could make it work. I am a way too attached person, so it’s kind of my fault I couldn’t completely put a stop to things. As a big gesture, in about a month he came back home to make things right. I still couldn’t feel a thing on seeing him after all those months. Told him exactly this but we kind of kept hanging out since he was only there for a month. All the hanging out brought us closer and we decided to give it another try. We decided we would bring in a change and talk things out so that we can make it work through the long distance.

Now the problem is he had asked me to cut contact with that friend of mine, but I still had him on all my social media though we don’t talk now. He feels like he lost all the trust in me because I didnt do like he asked and feels like he doesn’t love me as much as before because of this. Its fair cause I don’t trust him after all he did too, rather was trying to bring back that trust.

We are still going on in the relationship but are confused to whether we can work it out any further because of all that we’ve done to each other and cause we’re not so crazy in love right now. If the love would come back strong like how it used to be or if it’s too broken. We don’t feel like letting it go because of how good we used to be together. I’m just wondering if its common for people to lose feelings in a relationship and if enough effort is put in, everything would turn out okay? I also don’t know if trust could be brought back in a relationship? Please give some insight.

P.S. I really loved him and we used to be this fun power couple before he left. Even though we had our fights, we have a really good connection.

Tl;Dr Trying to get my relationship to work out but wondering if there are too many things that have gone wrong.