Xoor t1_j850jt9 wrote
Reply to comment by niceoutside2022 in Large study provides evidence that goal incongruence can harm romantic relationship satisfaction by glum-platimium
To follow up on that, there's a huge difference between what a person says they want and what their actions show that they are capable of handling. At least if you're obviously incompatible, it's easy to recognize. Less obvious is when you both agree on what you want but one party just doesn't put serious effort in and you're left doing everything. What your partner does and how they act matters as much as what they say they want to do and who they say they want to be.
BasileusBasil t1_j85a4qb wrote
This is absolutely true, but it's not always easy to reach your goals. Both me and my gf want to get a house for ourselves, it's not really feasible with our jobs though. It's not that we aren't putting in enough effort, it's that our efforts won't be ever be enough.
C4-BlueCat t1_j88byd4 wrote
As long as you are both putting in that effort, you are still showing yourself capable. The rest are outside factors hindering you.
[deleted] t1_j85igqd wrote
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BasileusBasil t1_j85j24e wrote
The job market in our country it's an hellscape , do you think that we're it that easy we wouldn't already have done that?
bandyplaysreallife t1_j8643f2 wrote
Moving to a new city and getting a new job in your field is a massive risk assuming it's possible at all.
In the future I'd suggest not giving this kind of advice in this situation, it offers zero valuable insight and comes off incredibly condescending for no good reason.
Aporkalypse_Sow t1_j85f2sz wrote
My cousin and the mother of hopefully his only child with her have a relationship like this. She's a psycho that dreams of the things she sees on social media. She's also completely useless and lazy. Her only life skills up to this point have been providing sex to whomever pays the rent on her dad's rental house, drinking, and smoking more weed than the average oompa loompa.
bandyplaysreallife t1_j865cma wrote
A life with no real challenges will do that to someone. Boredom gets filled with drugs, realistic goals get swapped with delusions. It really does the person no favors in the long run and it's a shame that people have enabled her for so long. People only get really out of touch like that when they can afford to be.
Responsible-Laugh590 t1_j860nry wrote
Hey prostitution is a valuable job and somebodies gotta do it!
Aporkalypse_Sow t1_j8677dh wrote
Sure. But you aren't supposed to live with the clients.
Responsible-Laugh590 t1_j868n91 wrote
Ehhh it’s all the same at the end of the day
[deleted] t1_j86qf3g wrote
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JuanDuartec t1_j876sdp wrote
I support your comment about been a Job. At the end prostitution is a exchange of money for a service and should be respected and supported ( have right) like any other job. Even more for the safety of the worker.
Drudicta t1_j86ns1o wrote
Been the house person, cleaning, grocery shipping, researching, saving money on purchases, that kind of stuff.
Fiance still grew to despise Dru over time anyway, because despite working constantly every day with no breaks, she didn't see it that way, and just saw a leech. Didn't matter how much was contributed.
Alarmed-Wolf14 t1_j87esat wrote
The people that are more naturally equipped to fill the support roles like this never get the recognition they deserve because a lot of it is intangible (less stress on the other person) or isn’t noticed (like good technology, good support is almost never noticed when it works. When the house is clean and groceries are bought within the budget and making every purchase count and making the best possible use of money by hours of research)
I’m that person too and it took my husband living on his own to realize how much I take care of for him. He forgets time to time still so I will get busy doing something more tangibly productive and stop doing the other stuff but it never lasts long.
Drudicta t1_j87jujd wrote
Maybe she'll call after being alone for a long time. Or maybe not and she'll just piss all her money away instead of reaching any of her goals.
She's always been terrible with money and was way worse before we met.
reddituser567853 t1_j87dfvs wrote
Something tells me fiance made more money than Dru
Drudicta t1_j87jjzo wrote
Well yeah, she specifically said to be the stay at home person.
Would have been nice to have had some communication that it was no longer enough.
C4-BlueCat t1_j88c2k0 wrote
Did the two of you make the initial decision to have one person home together?
Drudicta t1_j88y4fo wrote
We did. But she changed her mind later down the road without saying anything until she got so mad that she suddenly broke up without any indication
reddituser567853 t1_j88sp3a wrote
If your father never taught you this, he should have.
Never ever agree to a situation like this. Maybe if you are married and have a child, but then only short term.
tahthtiwpusitawh t1_j88t83h wrote
Highly accurate. Very tough to anticipate when it comes to kids and difficult times. Use proxy measures as best you can. Ie: what happens under stress, no sleep, general responsibility/accountability.
Plumb789 t1_j89zpb2 wrote
I agree 100%. Someone once told me: “judge people by what they do, not by what they say”.
It can be hard facing the truth, sometimes, but it is better to do so. If someone is moving in an opposite direction to where they say they want to go, you have to be prepared to see this for what it means.
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