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pressabba t1_jdehww2 wrote

Some mistakes are too easy to make and can really cause damage. Maybe just write a short apology letter with a small gift. Don't beat yourself up, I'm sure the way you feel will help you be more mindful about stuff like that in the future

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RissoldeChocolate t1_jdh7hbr wrote

People need to stop being so fragile, she has the right to be ubset, but OP already apologised. No need for gifts or writen apologies. Do I have to apologise for walking next to paraplegic person, or see next to a blind person? No. Its just a picture of a baby, he meant no harm in showing it, theres no need to make a fuss about it.

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Sinusayan t1_jdiap2m wrote

While well meaning, I think that's a bit much.

Look, I'm struggling with infertility myself, and it's rough sometimes hearing about everyone else's pregnancies and new babies, but I'm still happy for them. My brother apologized to me privately after they announced their latest pregnancy (now a beautiful newborn), and it was mostly for any hurt the news might have caused, and while I appreciate the sentiment, he didn't do anything to hurt me.

It's good that OP apologized, but writing a letter and giving her a gift would be making a very big deal out of it, which might even make it worse.

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davtruss t1_jdgytup wrote

I'm not going to guess who is or isn't a woman on reddit, but if I could line up boys and men, I would teach them what one should and should not say to ANY girl or woman about reproduction.

And I would hope those boys and men would collaborate with the women in their lives to help girls and women know how to address reproductive blessings and challenges in a way that doesn't cause unnecessary pain to friends and family members.

There is no greater challenge in life than remembering somebody else's grief in the midst of one's joy.

3

kota250 t1_jdeprc1 wrote

OP has no reason to apologize, just because she can’t have kids doesn’t mean everyone in her life can no longer talk about kids. The only one that should apologize is her for the remark she made trying to make OP feel bad and playing victim. There’s billions of people in the world and her problems aren’t at the center of it

−46

pressabba t1_jderkmj wrote

You must have zero experience with miscarriages. If you did, you would feel differently.

Plus they are friends. Personally, if I am insensitive and hurt a friend's feelings, I apologize with sincerity. But that's just me. It might make op feel better too.

This is not meant as an insult, but you have a lot to learn about maintaining friendships.

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MysteriousMist24 t1_jdet9rd wrote

Ex friend. We fell out a some months ago and haven't spoken since. This just came up today and thought I'd share it as I still felt a tiny bit bad.

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davtruss t1_jdgz8ma wrote

You speak the truth. My older sister had a 13 year old son who was an usher in my wedding. My younger sister had a 4 year old daughter who was the flower girl, and she was pregnant again.

NOBODY knew (for years) that my older sister had just gotten pregnant and miscarried before the wedding, which explained why she sat in the car. If my younger sister had known, it may have avoided years of family discord.

My greatest hope is that people would be both sensitive and to the extent possible, forthcoming about the source of very private problems. And as for friends, well, even good friends suck from time to time.

The best a good friend can do is say I'm sorry in a sincere way and hope you can keep the friend.

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kota250 t1_jdet7ff wrote

Nah I don’t have to maintain my friends like they’re some sort of machine that’ll break down on me, my group of friends have been friends for over 20 years. In a situation exactly like this we would all know how much it sucks but none of them would make a remark like this expecting pity from one of us.

−23

Sinusayan t1_jdigfu8 wrote

Your friend group wouldn't be sympathetic if one of them said they'd just miscarried?

1

dragonema t1_jdf6b91 wrote

>e this and I sympathised with her and everything.
>
>Then a few days later another friend of mine had a baby and I showed a picture of him to the first friend, completely forgetting that she couldn't hav

Holy shit. You were going hard for the terrible take here, huh? Kudos.

0

bastard65 t1_jde6k7o wrote

Don't be hard on yourself, you did nothing wrong. 👍🏻

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Harvey__Denture t1_jdgflgl wrote

totally Honest mistake friend. Send some flowers with a heart-felt note and all will be forgiven.

10

quinalou t1_jdgrhe8 wrote

Phew, that's a fuckup all right. You couldn't have known about that specific miscarriage, but considering what you knew in general this was a bit of a miss I'm afraid... Maybe send her an apology and some chocolate?

7

mesamaryk t1_jdhz0qg wrote

Imagine sending chocolate and then hearing that the friend is allergic to chocolate :’)

3

quinalou t1_jdi1z4b wrote

Or sending flowers and hearing that she has hayfever :‘‘‘)

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_Marine t1_jdimmvf wrote

Mistake maybe, not a FU.

1

WolfHaze420 t1_jdhd3m3 wrote

Don't be too hard on yourself, she is used to mistakes.

−4

MapMaleficent3903 t1_jdhu047 wrote

Honest question, no disrespect intended, but how many schl0ngs have you eaten today?

3

anarmex t1_jdfv241 wrote

You should’ve been more empathetic but wtf with your friend and her poor choices, I mean disabled, health conditions and on a walking stick I hope at least she is on some sort of control with her Ob and her medical team as it might seem she is setting herself for failure and I also hope that she does has a supporting partner to aid with the baby.

−11

Sinusayan t1_jdigmkp wrote

Everyone knows that people with health problems shouldn't reproduce. How dare her even try!

Are you serious?

5

[deleted] OP t1_jdgtnmr wrote

[removed]

−11

dizziereal t1_jdh7kl0 wrote

You have zero clue if it is genetic or not and further more, if it is, can it be passed on to offspring?

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LordoftheExiled t1_jdgh37m wrote

Yeah that's on you. Maybe think before you talk but that's rare now. I think back to fight club and she nailed it perfectly. "When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just waiting for thier turn to talk" you just wanted to talk. You want to be involved in everything bc you are hollow and have nothing in your life. Shame on you but I doubt you feel shame.

−20

lazvegas t1_jdgu0j3 wrote

What an insane response

8

Sinusayan t1_jdii08d wrote

Especially when the quote so accurately describes "lord's" own response here.

3

[deleted] OP t1_jdehheu wrote

[removed]

−21

nightowl_i t1_jdekfdx wrote

Wtf ? Its their fucking choice whether they want a kid or not and you have no fucking right to go against. Keep barking on the internet

10

homecookhag t1_jdeog4n wrote

Lol barking on the internet is a reach. That was just my initial thought when I read this. I also do have the right to go against their choice with my opinion, but it wont stop them. I would make an effort to shame them if I knew them because it's my right and nobody can stop me. Why are you so salty?

Edit: to everyone up in arms about how it's their choice, yes it is. However choices can be selfish and this particular choice has the chance of robbing someone of a normal life.

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Significant_Fox_1779 t1_jdelxe9 wrote

While it’s their right doesn’t mean it’s morally right when you know it’s going to be passed down.. you’d really wish upon someone to be born with terrible disabilities when it could have been prevented??

−1

nightowl_i t1_jden5r2 wrote

So you assume a disabled person will always give birth to a disabled baby? You and I dont know her condition so lets not assume. Plus if a couple wants a baby irrespective of their physical or mental conditions - it is completely their choice and its upon them.....there is no question about 'morally' here.....its entirely and exclusive up to the couple to decide.....there are many morally right things for some people that are morally wrong for others

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MysteriousMist24 t1_jdeovsd wrote

Some time before we fell out she was losing weight like no matter what she ate. Then she had to go to the hospital because she almost died from starving. Now she has to have a feeding tube and she couldn't sleep well cos of it. I'm not sure what disease or condition caused that but but I really wouldn't want a baby to inherit that or have to go through it.

Not saying the baby would be born disabled but it's a really big risk they're taking. It would be like a miracle if the baby was completely normal.

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SkyrimIsForTheNerds t1_jdeuvw2 wrote

Good thing you aren’t friends with her anymore. You sound ableist af.

−7

MysteriousMist24 t1_jdex12k wrote

Not wishing a baby to be born disabled makes me ableist? 🤨

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SkyrimIsForTheNerds t1_jdeyv0m wrote

You don’t even know what’s wrong with her but you assume she shouldn’t have kids as a result.

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MysteriousMist24 t1_jdf02lg wrote

She didn't speak about it much and I didn't bring it up. Sometimes it would come up in conversation like chronic pain, diabetes, having to wear a leg brace or a walking stick when she doesn't have the brace. She has to wear a feeding tube last time we spoke. She has other conditions but we never spoke about them. She said her mom's the same and she inherited her mom's disability.

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Significant_Fox_1779 t1_jdeo9h9 wrote

You are why many people become serial killers or kill themselves, you don’t seem to care if the parents are capable parents nor about the child’s quality of life. You are the problem

−3

MysteriousMist24 t1_jdehxgs wrote

Thanks. Yea I think her body's doing her a favour. She was born like this and developed those conditions and now she wants to pass them onto a baby.

Probably a good thing we aren't friends anymore.

−9

SmolSpacePrince39 t1_jdfybut wrote

It sounds like she’d be risking both her own life and the baby’s if she did carry. Even if the baby made it to term and was born, there’s likely an increased chance of illness or disability. It’s not my place to judge, but I can say that I don’t understand her mindset. It baffles me. It’s also just a lot of trauma to put oneself through.

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nightowl_i t1_jdersaa wrote

There are doctors for that...who will assess and discuss with patients whether they can or cannot conceive (whether its a danger for the mother etc)

2

ElizabethSpaghetti t1_jdh6yj4 wrote

Well this circled around to eugenics. What a horrible "friend" you are. She's lucky to have dropped so a nasty person from her life; it has already improved.

1