TIFU by telling my young daughter that she had a feral sister who lived in a cage in the attic.

Submitted by jesseberdinka t3_zkx38k in tifu

Obligatory this happened a few years ago.

My wife travels a lot which means that when my daughter was about 6 or 7 the two of us would have lots of nights together where we would play games or read before bedtime. One time we were sitting on her bed before sleep and about halfway through a book when I closed it and said to her:

"We really love you. I'm so happy it worked out with you. Not like the OTHER one."

She looked at me, "What do you mean?"

"Well", I said, "Parenting is hard and you don't get much practice so sometimes you make mistakes. Take your sister for instance. Before you we had a young girl and welllll, it just didn't work out. We were young and didn't know what we were doing and it did NOT go well."

My daughter just looks at me and asks, "What happened to her?"

"Well, we didn't really know what to do with her so we just locked her in a cage in the attic and started over and lucky we did because that's how we got YOU!" I then opened up the book and started reading as if I hadn't just dropped a bombshell on her.

Now of course my daughter had lots of questions and I just improved facts about her sister, "Maggie" that lives in the attic:

  • She can't speak English, but kind of grunts and sings like that Jodie Foster movie Nell.
  • She is violent and we have to slide her food to her with a stick.
  • We've become worried lately about some of her "drawings".

You know, fun stuff like that. My daughter knows I'm full of bullshit so she doesn't believe it, but kind of wants to y'know? So we come up with lots of cool stories about her sister who lives in the attic. Sometimes when we read I would stop and look at the ceiling and go "Shhhhh! Did you hear that? probably nothing." before going back to the book.

One time she asked what she should do if she ever got out. Now the thing I didn't tell you is that the door to the attic? IT'S IN MY DAUGHTER'S ROOM. LOL.

"Well, I said, If she ever gets out, just lie still under your covers. She's not mad at you, she's mad at Mommy and Daddy."

So a few weeks later I am working as a lunchroom monitor at her school. This is a volunteer thing you do a few times a month where you walk around the lunch room and help little kids open their milk and stuff. My daughter is at a table with her friends and they call me over. One of the girls, Coleen, asks me straight up, "Molly says she has a sister who lives in a cage in the attic. Is this true?

Now here is where I F'd up. What I SHOULD have said was, "No. That's just a story we made up."

What I SAID was "I dunnooooo!" while smiling and shrugging indicating that maybe there is, maybe there isn't a kid being held, hostage.

Didn't think about it.

Few days later I come in from walking the dog and my wife tells me the principal wants me to call her. Oh crap. I know what this is about. My wife is like, "Oh she probably wants to talk to you about the ice cream fundraiser!" I'm thinking to myself that no, she does not want me to talk to her about the ice cream fundraiser. lol.

So I call and she says something to the effect of, "Hi, first, thank you for your help with the ice cream social. So, one of our student's parents called and said that she is worried because, oh this is silly I know, that you are keeping one of your kids in a cage in an attic? That's not true is it?"

So, now I have to go and explain in detail the whole story which sounds like I"m a psychopath and the worst parent ever. She was very good about it and understanding and we nervously laughed it off. The worst part of this was that the girl who said something to her mom was a young girl whose mom had been to our house and who we had driven places etc. She knew us well and could have just called instead of calling the principal.

The outcome was a good one. We've since become very good friends with the principal and her husband. We celebrate our second daughter's birthday every year on May 10th and we even sign cards from her to people when we send things from the family.

TL;DR I almost had child services all up in my grill because a story I told my daughter about an imaginary sister triggered a call from the school principal after another student told their mom.

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Tinuviel52 t1_j02fo81 wrote

Wasn’t this a simpsons treehouse of horrors episode where Bart has an evil twin but it turned out he was the evil one and they’d locked up the wrong kid

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yearofthebows24 t1_j02yj7l wrote

SIMPSONS DID IT! SIMPSONS DID IT! SIMPSONS DID IT!

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petesapai t1_j05g9j0 wrote

>SIMPSONS DID IT! SIMPSONS DID IT! SIMPSONS DID IT!

They know the future! You can't tell me that's a coincidence...Illuminati confirmed!

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Devi1_May_Cry t1_j035ob1 wrote

You know, I just realized that's basically the premise of Us.

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decidedlyindecisive t1_j03v99i wrote

In a less fun turn of events, it's also what quite a few abusive parents do to their kids. Off the top of my head, Fred and Rose West had cages for their kids, and so did the authors David and Leigh Edddings.

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Tinuviel52 t1_j03vewr wrote

Yep and the wests killed one of their daughters and joked about her being buried under the paving stones im pretty sure

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decidedlyindecisive t1_j03zmmo wrote

Yeah they did. Reading about their torture methods and victims took an emotional toll on me. What they did is literally beyond my comprehension.

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Ezaviel t1_j06ilsc wrote

TIL David Eddings was a giant piece of shit. Who knew.

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decidedlyindecisive t1_j06yav9 wrote

Yeah it's awful. They went to prison for it in the 70s. Last I heard, the profits from their estate goes to a charity, I hope that's still the case.

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llblankll t1_j0257kz wrote

"second daughter"

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Lem0n_Lem0n t1_j026ils wrote

What about triplets older brothers that's living in the basement ??

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Squigglepig52 t1_j02tcnj wrote

That's awesome.

As an older brother, I convinced my little sisters that we had another sister at one point, but she wouldn't behave, and one day she went for a drive with Mom and Dad, and never came back.

Then there was the time I convinced teh little kid my sister babysat that Mom used to punish us by making us stand in the corner while she threw bricks at us. I said that we were allowed to dodge, but that if we got hit, it was because we deserved it. It helped there were some spare bricks sitting in the corner of the patio.

He scoffed, so I told him my sister's forehead scar (chicken pox) was because she didn't dodge the brick once.

Well, he told his parents, and that was that for babysitting.

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jesseberdinka OP t1_j02tgqp wrote

My sister is way tougher because of abuse my brother and I put her through. Lol.

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Squigglepig52 t1_j030u9d wrote

I got it from my older cousins, and just paid the joy forward!

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Lurker_Zee t1_j02zmpd wrote

I'm glad I found this place. It makes me happy that I had no siblings.

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TwoManyHorn2 t1_j048mjr wrote

On a darker note, punishing the victim is how people deal with real abuse situations all the time and it's really enraging.

Imagine finding out for real that a teen girl you are paying to babysit is being hit and instead of saying "ok how about you work at my house instead" you cut off her income stream? Really sick shit and absolutely standard, every abuse survivor has stories like this of how "normal" people mistreated them.

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nick_shannon t1_j02inyi wrote

I have been waiting for this!!

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jesseberdinka OP t1_j02ls39 wrote

You seem to have been only one. Lol.

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rk06 t1_j05crz8 wrote

There are dozens of us. Everyone who read your original potato TIFU was waiting for this one!

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KapnKrumpin t1_j0264hf wrote

Should have doubled down and said she was in the attic because she didn't put her toys away / complained about putting dishes in the sink / wasn't in bed at bedtime etc. Terrorize your kids into behaving!

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jesseberdinka OP t1_j026a70 wrote

Yeah, she's a good kid, just likes to be scared from time to time. Lol.

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waetherman t1_j02ksfm wrote

"which sounds like I"m a psychopath and the worst parent ever"

Um, yeah, it doesn't just sound like that.

I mean, we all improvise this parenting thing and I'm right there with you in telling wacky tales, but this one really pushes it. Gotta check that stuff before it leaves your mouth, or at the very least roll it back real quick.

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christycat17 t1_j0312mx wrote

Lol am I the only one that’s like this is bat-shit crazy?! My parent told us joke stories like this but quickly let us in on the joke; found in a bush, that they turn into wolves on a full moon, etc. Idk man, it’s a very bizarre story to come up with much less continue.

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yazzy1233 t1_j03h88k wrote

He literally said his daughter doesn't actually believe it. It would be different if she truely bought the story .

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christycat17 t1_j03lbj4 wrote

Well he literally wrote his impression of her mental process…but you are right, it’s not like 6 year olds are suggestible or that they can maybe interpret some moral to the story of what happens to bad little girls. I’ll just leave the parenting to all the well-adjusted adults…👀

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heardemsay97 t1_j03ehbz wrote

Sounds like the kid was mainly playing along with the joke.

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KandosiiElephants t1_j0327a6 wrote

Slightly less sinister, my family once received mail from the local school folks asking when “Fred familylastname” would be starting school. We did not have a sibling name Fred before then, but it’s become a running joke ever since that he’s real. He’s just invisible, shy, and quiet.

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ThaumKitten t1_j02ebem wrote

In...... In what world is joking about having a caged feral child okay?

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Personal_Use3977 t1_j040rum wrote

It's silly and unfathomable until you start watching true crime and find out 'parents' actually do lock their kids up.

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sterfri99 t1_j04j5n5 wrote

My parents told me there’s an invisible spanking machine in the closet that malfunctioned and accidentally spanked their first kid too much and that’s why I’m now the oldest... Parents are just us when grown up and say wild shit sometimes because it’s funny to them and kids are stupid

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AthenaBlue02 t1_j03o281 wrote

I was raised believing the my older sister Mary went into the pigpen when she was told not to and the pig ate her... My dad's way of keeping little me away from the dangerous animal. I mean, it worked, and then became a family joke about sister Mary, who was eaten by the pig. Thanks for the laugh, I'd forgotten about that. 😂

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DecisivelyArbitrary t1_j04qvlz wrote

Every year of my life affirms that farm girls are absolutely not to be fucked with. That would’ve had my suburban ass in therapy and state custody.

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zorggalacticus t1_j02gj6m wrote

Wasn't this a Simpsons episode? Bart had an evil twin in the attic.

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AshikabiKun t1_j03gawy wrote

Yes one of the halloween episodes. And at the end it turns out that they were swapped at birth and that Bart is actually the evil one, so they end up freeing the twin and Bart gets to live in the attic.

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Svartdraken t1_j02i2mf wrote

Well, the story was just what I expected, you totally f'd up but it was a good read nonetheless. Thanks for sharing!

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beijina t1_j03j79q wrote

At least you were lucky that the mother only called the principal and the principal called you and none of them decided to call CPS just in case. 😄

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niko4ever t1_j03vlq0 wrote

Frankly they SHOULD have called CPS and searched the house just in case. What if it was true?

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charizard_72 t1_j055ixp wrote

“You’re not abusing a kid right?” “Nope lol” “haha okay just checking”

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Bertensgrad t1_j03s63q wrote

I’m surprise this wouldn’t fall under mandatory reporting even if it was the alleged abused of a supposed non existent child. Kinda a failure of the system for cps or the cops not to check in your attic 😂

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robmobtrobbob t1_j03x7pl wrote

I once convinced my younger brother while on a flight that if he went to the bathroom on the plane it would suck him in the toilet and he would be spit out of the bottom of the plane. He started crying and my fucking dad and a few people sitting next to us starting laughing at him. My mom was understandably pissed off. Good times.

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twistednwarped t1_j03s558 wrote

My sister had me legit convinced that they found me under a rock. Believed it for a few years. She also convinced me that my insides would explode if I didn’t poop for 3 days. Queue finding me sobbing on the toilet during a slight bought of constipation completely convinced I was going to die at any moment.

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Tkainzero t1_j04sr3n wrote

“ . We celebrate our second daughter's birthday every year on May 10th and we even sign cards from her to people when we send things from the family.”

Hold up…

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tiacalypso t1_j03q305 wrote

My ex and I used to make this joke that he had a feral twin who lived in his closet. We used to talk about "Nigel" so much as a joke that one day, my friend overheard us and asked me if we SERIOUSLY kept Nigel in a closet. It was quite funny.

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mroinks t1_j02p274 wrote

Simpsons did it Simpsons did it!

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DesertPhoenixx t1_j032ffg wrote

My oldest brother convinced me that if I wasn't good, my dad was gonna kill me, cut me up and stick me up in the attic space like the other bad daughters 😅

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Jealous-Jacket6996 t1_j03o009 wrote

Honestly, this is one of the best TIFUs I’be read in a minute.

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Jasperski_ t1_j04d0hq wrote

Not only the best in a while but also the greatest comments with all their memories and small stories!

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rk06 t1_j05d371 wrote

In a minute?

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Jealous-Jacket6996 t1_j06mc2t wrote

It’s a common colloquialism where I’m from, a sort of ironic understatement. In reality, it’s been a very long time since I’ve seen a similarly excellent post.

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rk06 t1_j06mt1u wrote

It is certainly one of the top TIFU. But OP's previous story (bloody leprechaun) and Potato were hilarious as well.

If I was OP's kid, I would never trust OP.

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raz0rflea t1_j03w9ct wrote

To be fair to the parent who ratted you out, confronting someone who might have a kid locked in their attic never seems to end well in the movies so I don't blame them for not talking to you directly about it....having said that, that whole story is hilarious 😅

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GunnarKaasen t1_j05d35l wrote

When I was young, it was my father’s job on Sundays to get me bathed and dressed for church. He was a kind and gentle man, with a wicked sense of humor, but my fidgeting and total lack of an attention span would occasionally wear on him as he tried to get a squirming boy into a suit.

One morning, he paused and said he needed me to stay still and pay attention so I didn’t end up like my brother. Confused, I said that I didn’t have a brother. He agreed that I didn’t have a brother … any more. I, of course, fell into the trap and asked what had happened to my brother.

As he pulled on one of my socks, he casually explained that my brother just wouldn’t listen and wouldn’t sit still, so my father “yanked his arm off and beat him to death with the bloody stump.”

At that point, he had my full attention, and I’ll bet my fidgeting had completely stopped. I was dressed in record time, and off our family went to church, with a quiet little boy in the back seat silently contemplating the world that had just been revealed to him. I’m sure that my father was having a great laugh on the inside as we drove along.

All was well until the drive home, when I finally asked my parents in the front seat why they had never told me about my dead brother. My father’s shoulders began to hunch, and he slunk down in his seat as my mother’s gaze swung toward him. Still looking at him, she asked me softly what my father had told me.

It was a long, quiet ride home that day.

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derekf699 t1_j02jpqu wrote

All my kids are Farrell, told them all

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DeadlyShock2LG t1_j02ovi5 wrote

By calling ahead they gave you to much notice. Where's the body, huh?!?

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ScumbagLady t1_j032ro1 wrote

taaay eeennn duuh wiiiiiiin....TAAAY EEENN DUUH WWIIIIIIIIINNNNN!! sounds intensify

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KRed75 t1_j03l6sm wrote

I still tell my kids they have and older brother and sister who misbehaved all the time like they so they now live locked in a cavern in the basement. I tell them, "Keep up the bad attitude and I'll send you to live in the basement with your brother and sister!"

The funny thing is they are 17 and 19 and I get the feeling that they still somewhat think that I'm not joking.

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MonsieurEff t1_j041pre wrote

That's exactly what someone with a kid in a cage in their attic would say!

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Pandoaurora t1_j0421ww wrote

I have an older brother and when we were kids he made up this massive lie that we had to older siblings who were locked up in the attic for being naughty and I believed him. Think that time was the best behaved I ever was as a kid until I eventually burst into tears to my mum begging not to be locked in the attic. At least your daughters smart enough to know you were talking rubbish unlike me haha

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hope3601 t1_j043jjq wrote

I told my kids when they were little that they had an older brother. See my kids could not behave at dinner and it drove me insane. I have 4 children. So I told them one day that their older brother died in an accident . He couldn't behave while I was making frozen waffles for dinner and I threw one at him. It hit him in the head and he died. I was a sthm at the time and my husband worked 18 hr days. I never had a break. At the time it was the wrong thing to do but I was tired.

So anyways 20 years later my husband asked me about this old son of ours. I just laugh it off. He tells me it's not funny as the youngest hold asked him about his brother he wanted to know what he like. Little did I know that 20 years later he still remembered that story but he believed.

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Sociallyawktrash78 t1_j050fef wrote

Well at least you got to laugh it off over a phone call instead of letting the swat team figure out it was just a story after they shoot you and destroy your house.

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DeadlyShock2LG t1_j02mjm8 wrote

Best Simpsons episode. Or at least my most memorable.

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ThePinkTeenager t1_j042ujz wrote

I thought your daughter was going to look for her sister and get bitten by a snake or something.

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jim_br t1_j048yec wrote

I did something similar - the story was an older brother, Eric, who my wife and I gave away because he misbehaved. This was a fun party trick when people would compliment me on how well behaved our children were. I’d tell one of my kids to explain why they were polite and they would reply they didn’t want to be Eric and be given away.

Fast forward years - and I stopped using the joke because they kids were now in college. My oldest’s psych teacher offered (privately) her counseling options after a class discussion on handling children with behavioral issues.

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therealmrsfahrenheit t1_j049svy wrote

girl… it didn’t click that this sister was in fact imaginary at first holy shit😶😂

and my parents used to say similar shit but I always knew they were joking

we once had this situation when I was like 6/7 years old. We were in the stables of our horse riding club and there was a now close friend of my mum‘s there as well (but back then we only knew each other vaguely). There was this old attic there for hay and stuff and I asked my mum and dad what was up there and my parents with their dry ass humor where like Dad: „there are giant bats with rabies up there“ and then my mum continued „and they’ll pull you up If you get too close“ and all of a sudden that now- close - friend of ours was all like „how can you say such terrible things to your daughter?!“ and some other parents currently in the stable were shocked as well 😂and I was just chilling and my parents had to defend themselves „all chill it’s just a joke. my daughter gets it“✋🏻😂🤚🏻

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bookworthy t1_j04k5vi wrote

Don’t feel bad. I told my kids about “pore, pore Larry,” (You have to pronounce it like that—not just poor, but po-er) who l lived in the basement and ate dryer lint because he was no good. We shake our heads and tsk, “He just wouldn’t eat his supper

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the_rabbit_in_red t1_j058hoi wrote

My parents did this to me. But her name was Daisy.

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RAForce t1_j05e7ri wrote

I used to regularly tell my little brother that our parents found him behind the McDonald’s and brought him home to do dishes and I still think this is suuuuper fucked up.

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Possum_pal t1_j05q244 wrote

Hope this kind of makes you feel better, my parents did it too.

We had an older brother "Paul". At first when we were really little we absolutely believed that Paul was real. It started out with my dad telling tales to try to make us behave better. Don't do that, Paul did that and he's not here anymore kinda deal. Not dead just "away". Well over the years it turned into a catch all, we blamed broken vases and wall drawings on Paul, and our parents told cautionary tales of paul getting hurt because he ran into the road after his ball.

Yes I understand it's fucked up, my parents were good parents who made a joke and then let it run wild. Now (30s) whenever stuff goes wrong we blame it on Paul, everyone Snickers, and that's it.

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Defiant_Low_1391 t1_j094cya wrote

Genie would not be thrilled with your story lol

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TonkaTruck502 t1_j03wi70 wrote

If this story was true the principal should have called police and CPS immediately and you would have had an emergency custody hearing losing your child while police searched your house and ask much more but cool story bro

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mdave52 t1_j03zu1y wrote

Lol, I have a similar dark side. I've told my kids very similar stories, but never in that detail. Four of the six are grown adults now and don't seem broken or scarred...too much.

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AffectionateAd5373 t1_j04diug wrote

We tell my oldest that one at least 3 times a year. Got it from The Simpsons. No one, including the child, has ever taken it seriously.

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boarshead72 t1_j04mdbw wrote

I told my then three year old son about the woman in the attic in Jane Eyre; nine years later he’s still afraid of the attic. At least the story never made it’s way to any authority figure.

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DaddyCatALSO t1_j04ydkm wrote

Remind sme of the time my daughter was bathing and I told her about sewer snakes that like to talk to you. Fortunately she only beleived me for a quartersecond and thne it was "Daa--aad!" IT was my job to watch ehr, Mom was too much of a recliner potato to do it.

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IResentment t1_j05z7g1 wrote

Bruh that’s my fav Treehouse of Horror

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EsquilaxM t1_j063h9i wrote

This Is Fucked Up.

Is this subreddit changing?

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bugdelver t1_j06f5ja wrote

Technically the principal was supposed to call department of child services… this could have turned out very badly for you…

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BadBoppa t1_j06lsjv wrote

What's really fucked up is the only thing the school did was a phone call? Like if you did have a kid locked up and you go:"nah" The school still just goes: "cool, ok np soz for calling!"

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Critical-Echo-923 t1_j02b3aj wrote

Obligatory this happened a few years ago.

is this tifu or ifu years ago, gtfo

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