Isn't part of the hookup making sure we're all good?

"Are you married or dating anyone?"

"No. You?"

"Nope. The safe word is 'bananas' and nothing goes in the hair."

"Bet"

I usually get confirmation on relationship status but it his status on profile was single. I just assumed he was single and didn't bother much.

That's not on you.

Did he specifically say he cheated? Or was he possible in a non monogamous relationship?

Either way he was a dick for not communicating all that with you, informed consent and all

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So basically he did not only cheat on his girlfriend, he also did cheat on you.

That's a good reason to feel anger, but no reason to feel guilt.

Ok. That makes sense then. You shouldn't feel bad about it. He's actively being deceitful.

His girlfriend doesn't even know that he was Bisexual.

But is he monogamous? Either way sounds like he was a dick and you did nothing wrong

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Agreed. It gets omitted on purpose and you make yourself look bad by asking a normal person things like that. Are you cheating right now, are you a serial killer, do you abuse puppies on weekends? The excuse, well you didn’t ask, is weak.

After reading this and the comments, definitely not your fu OP. He lied and mislead you, there was no way you could've known, and who's to say even if you asked he wouldn't have just lied to your face until after the hookup since he lied about it in his status? Sorry he made you feel bad 😔

😬

Not on you. Profile said single. 🤷‍♀️

I'm not gay, but this popped up and was curious so i red it.... "she doesn't know he is bisexual", lemme tell you something dawg.... SHE KNOWS!!!! lol. She mite not want to admit it or talk ab it, but she knows. Congrats on getting laid, btw✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽🤪🤪🤪

I don't think he would willingly be the person to sleeps with one knowing they are in a relationship. Sometimes people lie. It's not his fault.

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Not on you at all, I think it's fine be angry or disappointed with this person but you have no reason to feel guilty.

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you've had a really rough personal experience. I sincerely hope he honours his promise to you and understands how you feel.

was he not in an open relationship?

Sounds like that guy was looking to cheat, he went on Grindr to hook up and messaged you; you didn't make him cheat by not asking if he was taken. I'd be angry, if anything, in your shoes. But you're not the guilty party here.

He needs to (pun intended) be straight with her. She doesn’t deserve the lies. Neither does OP. Just to be sure, though, next time OP might want to ask directly.

Grody.

Don't be too hard on yourself. If it continues to upset you, connsider reaching out to her and informing her about the infidelity of her partner.

Cheating liars are everywhere. OP did nothing wrong. Hookup culture and liars are a bad mix and they're destroying lives every day.

Speaking as the GF in this exact scenario. Found out after three years; I was being gaslighted by a closets bisexual man who is also a sex and porn addict. Hookup sites are inundated with these folks.

It's traumatic for the partners when they find out. It's unfortunate there's no way for hookups or the family to know about it prior, until they have done profound damage to other people across the board.

It's messed up and it's also becoming more and more prevalent.

No he was not.

Perhaps gf is ok with the arrangement. You don't really know.

Unfortunately there are a lot of married men on the dating apps, and it only gets worse as you get older. If you're single long enough you will accidentally meet some of them, just because sometimes you forget to ask, or it seems obvious. Some conversations start out different so you forget some of those initial questions.

Ultimately, he cheated. You never promised anything to anyone, so you have nothing to feel guilty about.

If you're doing casual hookups that's going to be collateral damage a lot of the time. Just don't do repeats with guys like that and you're pretty guilt free. In the scope of guys sleeping around, you being just one of the guys that gets with him is not going to be the thing that breaks things.

Honestly it’s on the other guy, you had every reason to assume he was single, as long as u didn’t knowingly hook up with someone in a relationship you’re almost as much a victim as his poor gf

Whom honestly you should track down and tell if U can

Snitch on this fucking loser. The girl deserves that much at least.

Bro nobody cares about this shitty story lame.

I never have spend a second thinking about the other guy if he had a girlfriend or boyfriend.

If a casual thing happens that shouldn't be the thing to worry about. Two to Tango, no regrets

See, maybe it’s just me but if I’m on a dating app I don’t feel like I should need to question if the person is in a committed relationship. Cos, you know, they’re on a dating app. I’ve had a few people on apps ask me if I’m single and it’s always a red flag.

I dont bother with gay hook ups cause guys are too horny and I dont bother with women cause they want to chat for like five months before meeting which they never want to do.

Not your FU. Unless you didn't use protection.

A bi guy doesn't exist. He's gay.

how is it a red flag?? maybe they’ve just been in situations like op, and don’t want to be part of someone else’s cheating?? everything has to be a “red flag” nowadays…

That’s a good point that they may have been there before, I genuinely didn’t think of that. Short sighted I know. I always took it as a sign that they think it’s ok to be on dating apps when you’re in a relationship.

That makes no sense. If I'm even thinking about trying to get close to someone, I always asked if they're seeing someone. Asking shouldn't be a red flag. People who dodge the question or give you weird answers are a red flag.

Underrated comment

This statement is false.

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I don't want to be part of cheating. I don't like to associate with cheaters.

Biphobia and Bierasure is not cool

What can you do before? You never know before.

Why does it bother you though?

If you like dicks as a guy you're definitely gay.

That would be crazy 😂

He also likes women. Gay men are exclusively attracted to men.

Ok?

It sucks, but you can't feel bad for what someone else chooses to do.

The guy you hooked up with is in the wrong here, not you. You’d only be in th wrong if you decided to continue things after finding out, and based on this post that’s something you wouldn’t do knowingly as you don’t condone cheating. Hopefully his girlfriend realizes he’s cheating and leaves him as no one deserves this.

Maybe he has an agreement with her. Just cause he is in a relationship does it mean he is cheating? Or did I miss that part?

Let's face it, grindr really is not an app for relationships, it's more for hook ups / one night stands, so what did you expect?

As for the guy you met, maybe they had an open relationship. Maybe he had to have one last 'itch' before marriage, who knows. You wont get in a relationship with him, nor will you probably see him again.

​

Stop stressing but I think the guilt is more less what he did and more, you feeling lonely and used. Perhaps you are seeking love and not getting it?

Definitely a critical part of the conversation.
"Are you in a committed relationship with anyone? Do they know you're also dating other people?"

If both these answers are yes, or the first one is no... You're gold.

☝️

He was an asshole. Not your fault

Don't feel guilty. You had no idea. I understand why you do, since you clearly are an empathetic person. But it truly isn't your fault.

Just casual sex , his problem not yours. ( how cute was he?)

not your fu, he should have been transparent (and not cheating on his gf, what a jerk)

You are not the one who should feel guilty. He's the a-hole, you're a good guy. Move on.

Informed consent.

Don't feel bad. You did nothing wrong.

You didn't know. Not your fault. I feel like to save yourself the anguish though it may be best to check in the future.

He’s probably not even bisexual but gay and in the closet.

You could have asked if you cared

That's also if it's not a Poly or ENM relationship.

Shits tricky these days. I have 3 partners, one trans-man, two women.

I'm not actively dating at the moment, but when I am, I always start out saying that I'm poly with X partners. Never blindside somebody like OP was.

I feel for OP. This was most definitely NOT their fuck up. It was the other guy all the way.

It is- If you're in Polyamorous or ENM relationships. I'm committed to three people.

Yes, they are all aware of each other and have met, more than once.

Another really good point, thank you.

First.. Exasperated sigh.

Second.

Even some bisexual people don't realize it until later in their lives.

Years and years of people being oppressed or hated for liking their own gender kinda makes that hard or terrifying.

I only recently started exploring my bisexuality, I didn't even think I was bi until I was 27. Didn't do anything with any men until 29. I just turned 30.

Third.. Your text is painful to read.

Inaccurate comment*

I agree I play "wife" for a lot of my gay friends once they are done with their fun

Seems like a him-problem. You did nothing wrong, especially when you did not even know.

Ya, it just made me chuckle